Sleep Alone

Hiding from reality. Swimming in his own sleeping thoughts in search of enlightenment. While it seems he needs or wishes for company or companionship, he realizes all along that he and his journey are one in the same, and nothing is real because it's in his mind. He discovers the purpose of life is to discover and actualize the deepest desires of his/our minds [though maybe simply understanding them is enough imho]. He implies that the rest of us are profoundly lost and will never know the depths of what could be, because we are figuratively asleep and oblivious to this fundamental truth.

It's a tragedy.

Last year I graduated highschool at 17 and was left alone with my thoughts for a long while, not immediately seeking employment. I spent a lot of time wondering if and why I was alive and existing, and for some reason, I would dwell on that curiosity. I couldn't let it go. The talk of "Is it so hard not to believe that we'll never know" resonated with me and made me question my own inability to accept that life, as far as we know, has no answer or meaning, and the lines in the vein of "And I may go to places I have never been to just to find the deepest desires in my mind" reminded me that, to keep from going insane I had to believe that I was alive to decide why I was alive. The talk of sleep reminds me of how hard it was to actually sleep when I was going through this. I'd often times camp out on the floor just to feel like I wasn't falling into a dangerous monotony. I didn't dream, but I wish I did, I personally find comfort and wisdom in my own dreams, and in a time in my life where I really could have used that, it never came. I felt alone and was constantly wishing I could talk to someone, someone other than the people who failed to challenge me, someone like my mother who, thankfully, was and is still available. I also wished I could be like my mother, who was obviously much older than me but didn't seem to fear death or the unknown quite as bad as I did at just 17. This feeling could be what the singer is talking about with all this talk of wanting to "be like him", maybe "him" was just someone who didn't seem as bothered by things as the singer. The singer wanted the confidence, or even possibly the blissful ignorance, of this mysterious third party. Finally, not knowing if you'll still be there the morning after you finally do sleep very much is a real feeling you get when you break down like i did. Not being able to see the future, being acutely aware that you lack that foresight, makes you feel like the future will never come, as if you will live and die with nothing in between. It's a scary feeling and it's something you wish you could tell more people about when it happens. This whole song feels full of things you wish you could tell people, ways you wish you could reach out, but the intense feelings of dissociation make you feel like you'll be reaching in the dense depths of space for nothing. It's scary and it's sad, and that's what I hear from this song.

I don't think it's intentional but this song could be interpreted as being about a murder-suicide. Originally I just thought insomnia and nightmares leading to a suicide "I don't know if in the morning I will be here" but I'll see if I can fit the murder in

Now, my only goal is to see And I'm always fast asleep It takes more than strength to find This peace of mind Either before or after the murder, he has difficulty finding "peace of mind". Also the idea of only wanting to be able to see when he's asleep. Either he's afraid of his life, of what he'll see when he's awake "fast asleep" representing peacefulness, innocence. Or he's contemplating suicide, he doesn't want to be awake anymore.

So I'll hold, hold, hold Hold it close to my heart Beating with every step Hold, hold, hold it close There's something which he is trying to keep hidden, holding it close to himself. Either his violent urges or some tortured psyche which later causes him to commit the crimes

He sleeps alone He needs no army where he's headed 'Cause he knows That they're just ghosts And they can't hurt him if he can't see them, oh And I may go To places I have never been to Just to find The deepest desires in my mind The first part of the chorus definitely fits in, in a weird way. If you believe in any gods then generally doing something dreadful (in this case, murder) causes you to be punished in an afterlife. The dead "he" "needs no army" because he has done nothing wrong, he is innocent. "Where he's going", the afterlife isn't frightening to him because he'll end up in heaven (or your equivalent). The narrator, on the other hand, needs an "army" because he is going to be punished. The "ghosts", either the family of the dead "he", or demons will punish him for his crime of murder. The second part is harder to fit, possibly this occurred before the murder. The "deepest desires" was his violent urges

We, we only know what we see 'Cause we're always fast asleep Is it so hard not to believe That we'll never know Perhaps this is the people who will find them, they'll "never know" why the murder-suicide took place. They're reluctant to accept the truth or keep searching for some meaning behind the action. Either way I integrate this I can't help but see this verse as a filler

Oh, hold, hold, hold Hold me close I've never been this far from home Hold, hold, hold me close Is he regretting what he's just done? Is he scared, terrified or the implications? Is he even requesting for the dead to hold him close? If we consider this as purely a song about insomnia, nightmares and fear then this is easy to interpret but if we take my darker ideas then this verse gets terrifying.

They're in my head And I have said That I must be like you now Who sleeps alone Who sleeps alone And one last chance To make sense Of what has long escaped us He sleeps alone I sleep alone There we go then, he's tortured by his actions, dreams, inner conscience and guilt. He decides he is going to have to "be like him", the dead one, he decides he must kill himself. Perhaps he believes that death will bring "sense", will bring answers and peace to his clearly broken mind.

And I don't know if in the morning I will be here And if so Let it be known That I was worthy, I was worthy, I was worthy, I was Either this is set before the murder and he doesn't know if the "him" that people know, the sane, normal him will be there. He doesn't know if he's going to become dangerous and do something horrible Or it is afterwards, he's going to kill himself and he won't be there for the simple reason that he will be dead. The fact that he was "worthy" is difficult to fit in with a murder-suicide. But if we take it as simply someone driven to suicide then they are easily "worthy" because they haven't done owt wrong

All in all it is a brilliant and wonderful song, I love the manic drumming

First off, this is my favorite TDCC song because of all the deep interpretations we get from its lyrics. When I listen to this song, it helps open my mind to the idea that this life may not be all that we have; almost like we are all in one big dream. Now, I am a Christian and believe what the Bible has to say about there being a Heaven and Hell. I also understand that the singer is searching for a peace of mind; and he mentions that he knows of someone who has reached this peace of mind. Perhaps this person is like the rest of us and has found a certain truth, perhaps this person has passed away, maybe this person is someone who knew about the glory of Heaven before He came into the world. Whichever it is, the singer wants to be like him. In the final chorus, the singer says that there is a chance that he may not "be here" in the morning; which would mean that if he was no longer here then he did find the deepest desires in his mind, which could be anything. For me, the deepest desire in my mind is my salvation which only comes through Christ.