Last year I graduated highschool at 17 and was left alone with my thoughts for a long while, not immediately seeking employment. I spent a lot of time wondering if and why I was alive and existing, and for some reason, I would dwell on that curiosity. I couldn't let it go. The talk of "Is it so hard not to believe that we'll never know" resonated with me and made me question my own inability to accept that life, as far as we know, has no answer or meaning, and the lines in the vein of "And I may go to places I have never been to just to find the deepest desires in my mind" reminded me that, to keep from going insane I had to believe that I was alive to decide why I was alive. The talk of sleep reminds me of how hard it was to actually sleep when I was going through this. I'd often times camp out on the floor just to feel like I wasn't falling into a dangerous monotony. I didn't dream, but I wish I did, I personally find comfort and wisdom in my own dreams, and in a time in my life where I really could have used that, it never came. I felt alone and was constantly wishing I could talk to someone, someone other than the people who failed to challenge me, someone like my mother who, thankfully, was and is still available. I also wished I could be like my mother, who was obviously much older than me but didn't seem to fear death or the unknown quite as bad as I did at just 17. This feeling could be what the singer is talking about with all this talk of wanting to "be like him", maybe "him" was just someone who didn't seem as bothered by things as the singer. The singer wanted the confidence, or even possibly the blissful ignorance, of this mysterious third party. Finally, not knowing if you'll still be there the morning after you finally do sleep very much is a real feeling you get when you break down like i did. Not being able to see the future, being acutely aware that you lack that foresight, makes you feel like the future will never come, as if you will live and die with nothing in between. It's a scary feeling and it's something you wish you could tell more people about when it happens. This whole song feels full of things you wish you could tell people, ways you wish you could reach out, but the intense feelings of dissociation make you feel like you'll be reaching in the dense depths of space for nothing. It's scary and it's sad, and that's what I hear from this song.
Last year I graduated highschool at 17 and was left alone with my thoughts for a long while, not immediately seeking employment. I spent a lot of time wondering if and why I was alive and existing, and for some reason, I would dwell on that curiosity. I couldn't let it go. The talk of "Is it so hard not to believe that we'll never know" resonated with me and made me question my own inability to accept that life, as far as we know, has no answer or meaning, and the lines in the vein of "And I may go to places I have never been to just to find the deepest desires in my mind" reminded me that, to keep from going insane I had to believe that I was alive to decide why I was alive. The talk of sleep reminds me of how hard it was to actually sleep when I was going through this. I'd often times camp out on the floor just to feel like I wasn't falling into a dangerous monotony. I didn't dream, but I wish I did, I personally find comfort and wisdom in my own dreams, and in a time in my life where I really could have used that, it never came. I felt alone and was constantly wishing I could talk to someone, someone other than the people who failed to challenge me, someone like my mother who, thankfully, was and is still available. I also wished I could be like my mother, who was obviously much older than me but didn't seem to fear death or the unknown quite as bad as I did at just 17. This feeling could be what the singer is talking about with all this talk of wanting to "be like him", maybe "him" was just someone who didn't seem as bothered by things as the singer. The singer wanted the confidence, or even possibly the blissful ignorance, of this mysterious third party. Finally, not knowing if you'll still be there the morning after you finally do sleep very much is a real feeling you get when you break down like i did. Not being able to see the future, being acutely aware that you lack that foresight, makes you feel like the future will never come, as if you will live and die with nothing in between. It's a scary feeling and it's something you wish you could tell more people about when it happens. This whole song feels full of things you wish you could tell people, ways you wish you could reach out, but the intense feelings of dissociation make you feel like you'll be reaching in the dense depths of space for nothing. It's scary and it's sad, and that's what I hear from this song.