it seems like whenever my life just gets great, it all gets torn down. what did i ever do to deserve this. why cant i just understand. alright so this is how it went down. homecoming. dateless and how i want it. r decides to go with a guy from a diff school to his. she wants me to go. finds the perfect guy. he doesnt wanna go with me, or has a date or something. all lies from rachs date. apparently he wanted to go with k but she said no (obv cause she has a fucking bf) so idk r says k is gonna talk to my supposed date we call a. so messed up tho. i feel desperate and used that i just dont wanna even bother but yet i completely do because something tells me that i should go with this guy and he should come to my homecoming with me. something is pointing me towards him. something is just saying its all right and this is how it should be. which is the part that pisses the hell out of me. i dont wanna care. i dont wanna bother but yet i HAVE to cause i know it was meant to work out that way. maybe im just psycho and imaging it, but it feels all too real and i cant let it go just yet. plusss another thing that brought me to tears you're all gonna laugh, r sent her date a pic of me, and she goes rate her. he gave me a seven. r's sis goes that sucks taylor just letting you know, and i was like wow thanks but then her sis goes yea you are soo pretty why would he say that, i think you're like almost the prettiest girl. which im completely not trying to be conceited or anything cause we all know i have self esteem issues but it just hurt me soo much to hear that from him. i dont know, way to punch me in the gut i guess i need suggestions people so real soon im going to make a screen name that you all can im me on whenever. peace love DATES

school is like blah wutever. my schedule is so screwed up and weird, it just like doesnt feel like. i absolutely adore my science teacher tho. he is the funniest teacher ever. umm big news. MEETING THE JONAS BROTHERS TOMORROW. idk my friends mom pulled some strings and yea well here we are!!!!! ahhhh im sooooo excited. joe is the sexiest thing alive!! also this saturday...me and r are supposed to hit up this party?? idk we got invited by this guy and we have no clue who's party it is, but its like 30 minutes away and were soooo excited, but we have to find a way to get it past our parents i guess....dunno bout that peace love MAR PARTIES

today i feel like writing i meaningful, deep enty. but i won't, mostly because i have nothing to say. my life is pretty boring i suppose. idk, no relationships to look back on. no huge changes in my life. no exciting encounters. no special school to rant about. nothing, nada, zilch. i wish i had a relationship to look back on. i've been thinking lately, seeing my best friend broken hearted over her boy friend of 8 months dump her i realize i want to feel heartbreak. i want to know what its like when the one person holding your life up shatters it out of nowhere. i want to feel love for the first time. i want all of it. i hate not knowing how things feel. i need to know how love and heartbreaks feel. i need to know what the feel of the boy you love holding you is like. i need to feel it. maybe this entry is deeper than i had planne? my fingertips are doing all of this i swear. anyways, i just hope i can turn over a new leaf this year. be more open and realize people aren't as scary as they seem. theres no reason to be shy. i wish i could be more outgoing. where do i even begin? i feel like everyone is so far ahead of me. its very lonely. this is not a place i like being in. i met this new girl named C who is transfering to our school. i like her a lot already, shes super relaxed and chill but at the same time crazy like all of my friends. idk i hope i can become good friends with her (i hope she likes me? that would bum me out if she didn't =[ . ) anyways im sick today =[ from going to a football scrimmage for M the boy in the freezing rain. what i would do for that boy. all my friends and i pretty much have crushes on him. he's just that boy that you will never ever stop liking you know? anyways we all decided he IS the John Tucker of our school for sure. no girl would ever turn him down. one more thing; he's going out with c. rawr i mean i like them both and they're cute together and im happy for them, and its not like i'll try to break them up, although bestie might cuz she likes m too... its just kinda a bummer that he's taken. school starts in 4 days. yikes. and today was my last day to do stuff. tomorrow night i have my first football game to dance at. uh oh. im a little nervous but i'll get through it i suppose...hopefully anyways. after that i'm leaving to go up north with the fam (gag me) but i might bring a friend hopefully idk we'll see. it will prolly be bestie since well lol shes my bestie haha. enough talk. i needa go think i guess. peace love JOHN TUCKER

sorry everyone ive been busy lately made a facebook =] hung out with m a lot, falling for him a lot, he has a girl friend...a lot? hes too perfect hahahaha had a short lived relationship with andk (my other guy friend, hes older) it was a joke tho but a funny one at that. hes too funny and hott not to mention meets my standards of brown hair and blue eyes...hmm? noo lol jk hes just a friend. anyways im decorating my locker and stuff today sooo i need to go cut magazines brOOt4l (the zeroes look like o's so i used uppercase o's lol) sorry inside joke RIOT! peace love MAGAZINES

i cant wait to start this year. homecoming will be as fun as we make it and i plan to make it rockstarishly awesome....so in otherwords, its gonna kick ass. got all my school clothes + some COACH SHOES....im sooo excited. anyways, dance team party tonight. dont know when ill have time to journal again, or if ill have anything to journal about. until then... peace love HOMECOMING

i hope this years better for me. i hope things work out as they should (which hopefully means in a good way.) i hope i dont get hurt by best friends so much as i was in the past. i hope that a becomes a super super close friend. she is the epitomy of me and i love her for that. she is exactly what i am and all the things im not. she is what i need and she won't hurt me. all this after a week of knowing her? it scares me a bit. but i love hanging out with her. she's a fun girl. i guess i just hope this year is better for me than the past years. thats all. i hope i can grow as an individual and be my own person. i hope. peace love AASZ x3

its funny how light can change your whole perspective of something. i mean look out your window. depending on the light or lackthereof changes your whole state of mind. i look out my window and see sun, green grass, beautiful trees, a few birds, some flower. ordinary backyard. makes me think of summer. sometimes i can look outside on a cloudy, humid day and think, wow, thats gorgeous, it makes me think of "poetic light." in the same sense, people can be the same way. depending on the situation you are thrown into, people may say wow, that girl is amazingly gorgeous and nice and just great. but in another scenario people may say, she looks out of place and awkward. my point being, lighting makes the situation seem better or worse. see things for what they are and dont let the surroundings fool you. open your eyes. peace love ITS OVER

amazing. fun parties. different lifestyle. it was a breath of fresh air, to say the least. i feel like a new person completely. im going to try anyways. im sitting wondering if its warm/sunny enough to go lay out...maybe? idk im hoping so. i might be going out tonight for dinner or something, maybe to k's house. dunno about m anymore. rawrrrr i just get soo confused. i need a new life. ummm im pretty excited for school though cause i guess were getting a lot of transfers from the private schools. yum? i think so. and i met my neighbor finally. what a sweetheart. she is honestly a little cutie, and, the best part, get ready for this....shes a paramore lover. AHHHH who knew. we're soul mates lol jk jk but yea thats freaking awesome that she loves music just as much as me cause no one else does. anyways i cant wait to get to know her. anyways, im gonna go paint my nails or something i guess. peace love PARAMORE

tonight me and b had a little party. we watched disturbia. called ppl. yea it was the whole shazam. anyways i cant help but fall for m, its too hard. but im not going to. i can't, i won't. anyways tomorrow is the day i leave for lo's, whuddup non stop partying?? hell yes. gawd im just living for the excitement i swear. sucks i dont even know anyone who im going to the party with, except my cousin. anyways its getting late here and i still have a ton to do [laundry, packing, sleeping for dance team at 8 tomorrow. lord] peave love DISTURBIA

soo mr, this boy that ive been hanging with for a while, well i kinda am falling for him. but i dont want to. seeeee r likes him (the girl) and k does, she broke up with a i guess kinda, and b prolly does, and i cant be the 4th. buthe just seems so perfect. he makes me laugh. he's super nice. ughh hes just the best i've seen so far. even though, he's completely out of my range for "perfect guy" he just somehow seems to shine through. he hugged me the other night. thats where i got confused. it was soo....well, perfect. his hands exactly in the right spot, no akwardness, no "timing" issues. every other guy i hug, it somehow turns out to be akward, but not with him. it was just great. signs of experience (cough cough player) or perfection. not sure. and definitely not sure how i should read into it. but 1. i dont have a chance and 2. i cant be the 4th, i just cant do that to r the girl. rawr, im too complicated for my own good. not sure about tomorrow. cleaning and laundry for sure, cause im goin to lo's house again. but r (the girl) asked me to go get ice cream with her and b asked me to watch distrubia with her tomorrow night. not sure i wanna do either but we shall see. ill be gone friday and ill be home monday morning. hopefully i dont get homesick?? idk but three parties we are hittin up this weekend. i guess its a bonfire friday saturday, pool party sunday birthday party l0l =] funny how i know no one =] peace love TRES