What took you so long? If you thought that was long, you have no idea what you're in for. I want my own Chuck. How unhealthy is that?! A manipulative, testosterone filled, dirty, sex-craved man. That's what I want? I must be insane. But that low, raspy, barely audible voice. The way he uses his eyes, as if he's, and probably is, undressing you with every word. Who could resist? Well, a lot i'm sure. But I just can't help but wish I was Blair. Maybe it's because I'm extremely shy and introverted and I need someone to balance that out. I don't know but television, and books, and music just seem so more appealing that reality right now. And to everyone that feels like they love their life and can't imagine it any other way? Wish some of that upon me. I'm dying here just looking for that natural high that never stops. For those of you who haven't caught on? Chuck Bass, Gossip Girl. Forget Dan. Forget Nate. Forget them all. I want Chuck. Now. peaceloveLOSE

Bella and Edward's Continuing Infinite Playlist... The Under Ground by the Working Title When It Rains by Paramore Love Story by Taylor Swift Time Is Running Out by Muse Yeah Boy and Doll Face by Pierce the Veil Everything I Ask For by The Maine Hope Dies Last by Holiday Parade more to come :]

Just saw Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist with B. :D It was fun because 1. it was just us 2. we went out to eat 3. her mom won us the tickets off of a radio station 4. that radio station happened to be a radio station in the movie...? Anyways, the movie wasn't great but it definitely wasn't bad! Very cute and awkward; kind of my thing. I don't know, it was just a really chill night. I realized that I am socially awkward, yeah. And, on top of that (these two might be directly related, not sure) I get kind of anxious in large social situations. Which brings me to my next point, my and B skipped the football game tonight just to hang out with each other becauseeeeeeee I didn't want to deal with all those lame people from my school which i despise right now. I need a change of scene. So, It's a Friday night, I'm home by 10 and I have nothing to do. Lame. My plan is to continue reading New Moon (I am currently still addicted (more than ever I might add) to the Twilight series. As of now, it's about 48 days until the movie comes out!) I know, I have no life. It will happen. Sometime, I'm sure. I hope. peaceloveLETSDANCEDOUCHEBAG

I need change and fast. Things just feel so boring and overrated. I'm sick of high school, sick of drama, sick of people. I just want to be alone. Anyways, I talked to my mom today about my dad getting transferred. Basically he just has to say where he wants to go and the company will send him. California. That's my first choice. Warm summers, mild winters. What could be better? Everything just seems to perfect and right. I can't even imagine the people I would meet. Bottom line, my mom said I could talk to my dad because she would love to move as well. Really, I have no emotional attachments to my school or town. I mean, yes, I have friends, but to be honest, I wouldn't mind leaving every single one of them behind. Not one bit. And my mom feels the same. So what's stopping us? Nothing is ever this easy... PS homecoming=bust. Pretty much I got a cold the night before homecoming and the first day is always the worst so I was really tired and not in the mood to dance. And, go figure, there was drama after. Blahhhhhhh. What else is new right? peaceloveMAKEAWiSH tonight take me back to the days of last summer

Yes. The Twilight series my be over popularized right now, but not 'cliche.' Wrong word choice. I, personally, love the books and I know exactly why. Yes, Edward sounds like a babe, a charmer, the perfect guy, and let's face it, most of us read the book just for him! But here are my thoughts on why this book is so addicting, and mainly for girls. We being girls obviously are constantly waiting for the perfect guy to whisk us out of our 'dull' lives and woo us with love and affection. Most of us know, however, that it's not as easy as it sounds. But we, including myself, still hope, wish, and dream for it anyways. Fictional character Bella got that opportunity and we all wish it was us. Well, at least I do, call me crazy. Here's my theory that kind of ties in with this 'perfect guy' idea. Edward Cullen must be a vampire in order for this to work. He has to be. Think about it, there is absolutely NO guy that perfect and there is absolutely no relationship that is that perfect hence the mythical creature; a vampire. See the similiarity? Vampires, not real, but we may believe in them anyways, and perfect guy, doesn't exist but we wish for them anyways. Don't get me wrong, girls are anything but perfect as well. But I believe that Stephenie Meyer made him a vampire simply to state the underlying fact that this relationship virtually does not exist. Anyways, I'm still going to hope for him! I'm now convinced there's an Edward Cullen out there waiting for me. You think I'm kidding... By the way, anybody else realize that they are in fact vampires now? Me and my friend did. I am a straight up vam-pire. Again...you think I'm kidding... peaceloveEDWARD

I love him. At least I think I do. What if we are truly supposed to be together? Right now, it seems like we are. But really, I'm a teenage girl who's very naive. I can't trust my own feelings. But it's hard. He treats me so special, or so it seems and then he turns around and treats the girl he 'hates' the same way...or hated. I can never keep up. It's difficult to watch though. Call me a whiney teen...whatever, doesn't phase me anymore. This is the time of my life where I'm supposed to be whiney and annoying and loud and complaining. Anyways, homecoming will probably be a bust but who knows. At lease I can dance with him for the first time. Ever. C: I am very excited. Hopefully, all plays out as it should. My dance coach quit last night and I'm taking it very hard. She's young and moving on to a new part of her life. So I wish her the best to her face, but cry when no one's watching. How selfish. Also our assistant coaches parents and grandparents are dying. So that made me cry even more. No one should ever have to deal with that. Basically, this is all a new, desperately needed beginning for us. Scary, but true. Anyways, I love him C: let me keep telling myself this. It gives me a reason for my insanity at this point. Can't wait till my class with him tomorrow. Call me nuts, but every party I've been to lately, his love interest hasn't been there, and it's just been me with him. Also...my class with him this year? Coincidence? Maybe but we have COMPLETELY different schedules. I just don't see how that matched up... peaceloveTALLAHASSEEDREAMIN

i'm at a loss for words. how do i even begin to explain the kind of hurt i feel right now. why do i even derseve this. i'm a damn good person. better than her. much better than her. best friend. worst enemy. that's how it seems to play out lately. i guess the good guy doesnt always finish first. i'm not used to feeling this. i never subject myself to this. because i know what happens. you get hurt. plain and simple. but why, when i try this once, do things have to turn out like this? it's not fair. it's never fair. look at me. see me. just me. god i hate this. where can you run when the only thing you wanna run from is yourself? the question i have yet to find the answer to. why me. just once i want things to happen. i don't wanna feel like this. what did i do to deserve this. why me. bottom line. it's not fair. nothing's fair. never was, never will be.

it's tough not knowing the kind of person you want to be, but knowing all too well the person your parents expect you to be. all my friends are being normal teenage high schoolers. god, i wish i could just be normal like that and do the things that we probably shouldn't be doing. however, everytime i try to, i feel so guilty like i know this is not how i should be acting. it's getting tiring listening to everything my parents tell me and i'm starting to rebel but not as much as i like. as of now though, i decided to take it as a case by case basis. if i feel like doing something, hell, why not? and if i regret it the next day, i'm going to turn on some music and deal. that's how it goes during these years anyways. fun times, memories, and regrets. although one can only hope there are more of the first two than the last one. bottom line: i wish i didn't have to be such a goody goody shy girl all the time. fuck, it's about time things start changing. peaceloveIFIFALL

PS warped tour this year? amazing! i don't wanna go into all the dets, cause too many and no one would understand cause i can't explain them well. but one huge one I MET DEREK SANDERS (mayday parade's lead singer :] ) well technically my friend helped. but i wasn't an annoying groupie either. it was really chill and casual. it was perfect. anyways here are the bands i saw 1. we the kings 2. the audition 3. say anything 4. katy perry 5. every avenue 6. forever the sickest kids 7.mayday parade (acousitc) missed the actual and i think that's it :] good day needless to say

it bites to be hurt by the ones you love the most. especially best friends. but the whole best friends thing? i'm over it. completely over it. high school doesn't need to be black and white as far as friends go. and i'm sick of all my friends constantly changing their 'best friends' all you ever end up getting is hurt. bottom line. like tonight for instance... having two best friends is great, if your two best friends don't consider themselves better friends with each other than they are with you. i don't want to sound like a whining teen but it really sucks to feel hurt like this. just neglected really by the people i love. on the brighter side, i've learned that it's better to have many friends than one supposed 'good' one. these past few weeks i've been reaching out to people that i never thought to call and i'm so glad i did. as the saying goes, everything happens for a reason, and i'm really starting to believe that. but i also can't help but wonder, why am i being treated like this by my friends in the first place? i'm really not a bitch, probably one of the nicest people you will ever meet. but i am a strong believer in karma so i'm not sure. anyways i'm guessing things can't get anyworse than they are so it's all uphill from here. positive thinking is exactly what i need to be doing. peaceloveGROWUP