last week i went to honestly the best party ever. like better than homecoming or anything. it was...wow i cant even begin to explain. except at the end i opened my mouth and said something pretty mean to m...i feel bad cause i hate screwing up but, for lack of better words, he started it! he said something way mean and in public about me not even to my face but one of my friends...how stupid can you be? so he had it coming, but i feel bad. but i didnt even say anything that bad to him. im blowing this out of proportion...this too shall pass. umm so i found out we the kings are coming near me, but its in the middle of the week and i have dance so i think were not gonna go to see them. i was pretty bummed about that but then i was looking at mayday parades myspace and their coming to my exact hometown so i was like hell yea. so im finally seeing mayday parade and im soo excited....the only left to do...get the rents to agree. uh oh. pray for me =] so that made my day basically, and only 22 days till christmas, so that gets me pumped to just push through and get it over with. i have something coming up though, this friday, and im not nervous, but afraid of how people are gonna judge me, shallow right, and the even more shallow thing is that im worried about the boys judging me. i cant believe myself. but its true. and i just, all i wanna do is cry until friday. its that bad. another thing, i found out a few days ago that this boy who has a past with me was telling people that im not smart i just study a lot. and yea that may sound stupid but it hurts me. because yea i have a lot of friends and people like me, but that doesnt mean im that typical ditsy forever blond girl. im much more. and im not trying to be cocky but its true i am smart, and i am gifted, regardless of my study habits. i would be smart without them, but with studying, i just do excellent on my work. and yea i work hard to get good grades, but you can't be an a student without natural ability. i guess this just bothers me because I have been feeling lately that im just not good at really anything. the only thing i have to show for are my grades. i just cant watch that last bit being taken from me. stupid? maybe, but its how i feel enough for today...christmas is too soon =] peace love MISERABLE.AT.BEST

so i didnt make it to the concert. i went to this lame dance instead. i regret every single part of that night. i just feel like i couldve have tried harder. things still aren't right. i can't even begin to sit here and try to explain. mostly cause i'm afraid. and also, i dont know where to start. ahh to be young. everything is crazy right now. i can't figure out what to feel anymore. i don't know who to be, since i have know idea who i am. its out of control. so christmas is soon, and the theme of my list this year is 'go big, or go home' anyways, here it is!! all the irrational ideas i have 1. self-confidence =] 2. patience 3. a boyfriend that i dont have to just 'settle' on? 4. ugg boots (chocolate brown please) 4. a northface jacket 5. a pea coat 6. a new ipod (explanation later to come) 7. guitar hero 3 =] 8. makeup from sephora (bare minerals =] ) 9. giftcards (buckle, pac sun, hollister) 10. some other boots (too hard to explain) 11. A LAP TOP =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] =] thats about it for now. oh and about my ipod, i spilled soda in my purse, and the only thing damaged; my life! my ipod =[ so i need a new one, hopefully the biggest giga bite (sp?) video they have =] in black of course hmmm white would be nice though. i'll take whatever i can get ;] 24 days till xmas =] peace love HERO/HEROINE

so theres this concert that i was planning to go to with my friends (blg, atl) and the girl taking us, b's dad, bailed cause their going on vacation. suck my butt. so about a week ago we were all bummed. then a's mom suggested her awesomely awesome uncle take us. i was sooooo happy then. but then at school we found out that the catholic all boys school was having a dance that we REALLY wanted to go to. so we decided to ditch the concert. umm yea just watched videos of alex and martin and all that and i was soo sad that at 12 a.m. i called a and was like girl, you gotta get us there. she's like well idk cause i have to talk to my uncle and the concerts this week. i was like kay well just make it happen. if theres one thing i need right now, this is it. i cant describe the feeling im getting, but its just like i need to be at this concert i just NEED to. laugh at me. kay fine. but music=my life so suck mahhhh butttt. please everone keep me in your thoughts and prayers. this is all i will be praying about the next couple of nights. peace love BLG ATL I LOVE YOU

well i've been sick for three days and it seems like everything is changing. like my whole world...well its flipping upside down. i dont know whats happening. but i cant say that i hate it, nor that i like it, but somehow i feel, no, i know that it will make me stronger in the end. after all these people surrounding me are not going to be in my life forever and i have to do things for myself. i'm sick of following other people and their 'trends' and 'lifestyles' its just not for me. i just cant wait till ehhh i dont know 5-15 years from now, all these people can look back on their high school years. i know for a fact they cannot, will not be proud of themselves. i mean who would? im not trying to say that im better than everybody else, of course i've made my fair share of mistakes, but i can definitely see myself looking back and saying i really thought ahead and focused on what was real and true to me. and who could be ashamed of that? not me, and if anything, thats all that matters. peace love THINK

fate is an elegant, cold hearted whore she loves salting my wounds yes she enjoys nothing more i bleed confidence from deep within my guts now i'm the king of this pity party with my jewel encrusted crown

soooo yea my shyness...its being taken from me...umm YAYYYYYY like im getting soo much better i can talk to ppl without gettin freaked or nervous. im getting my confidence back. gawd i love school. its done wonders =]

tonight i went to a fb game with my close friends a, e, and m. yea long story im sick of drama. sick of bitches. sick of fake people. sick of being treated like i'm absolutely n.o.t.h.i.n.g . all my old friends (k,r, etc including bestie did that to me) plus they all have horrible reps. i know it sounds shallow, but at some point, when it starts effecting me, i need to put an end to it. get it? so i have like new friends that i realize just like value my friendship more. and i love them for that. if k r and ex bestie have a problem. sucks im FINALLY making changes in my life FINALLY living up to them FINALLY doing something for me, and only me. if they can't let me do that, i dont know what they ever were to me. sooooo yea brings me to here. i just feel so empty right now like wow how do i describe this. i want to be 'out there' doing something, living life, driving around, being careless, not coming home. anyone understand? idk maybe im the only one but i just need to get away from it all. nothing can give me that certain high that i just crave. gawd i cant handle this feeling of, well, nothingness and emptiness. its so overwhelming and confusing. so many things i want to do, accomplish and be. so many things just flying around my mind. im just not smart enough to sort it all out . maybe this is all a circle for me. all these feelings add up to me wanting that ONE perfect boy to walk into my life. not just a boy i have to SETTLE on. just THE boy for me. the problem is i can't sit and wait for him. i need to let him come to me, and i cant be anticipating it. but its so hard not to. i dont know i need answers need them fast peace love HALLOWEEN DANCE

yea i haven't posted in a long long long time basically i went to homecoming =] yayyy it was freaking amazing. i just was a little disappointed that i didn't dance with a lot of guys. what can i say, im shy =[ anyways my goals for next dance (winter) dance with this senior ;] basically i have this year cause next year...he's gone =[ pressure pressure peace love SENIORS

sooo september 25th 2007 birthdate of my baby no not an actual baby my make-shift baby his name sowro itsr ight meaning??? SO WRONG ITS RIGHT well what does that mean?? it meeeaaaannnnssssss ALL TIME LOW HAS RELEASED THEIR NEW ALBUM FINALLY!!!!!!!!! myyy babbbyyyyy =] fave songs for far (in order) shameless six feet under the stars poppin champagne ummm go get it, then run to their concert nearest you and see them on tour kk?? k bye peace love SHAMELESS x3

drink up baby, down are you in or are you out leave your things behind cause it's all going off without you excuse me, too busy you're writing your tragedy these mishaps you bubbly wrap when you've no idea what you're like so let go, let go jump in oh well whatcha waiting for its alright cause there's beauty in the breakdown so let go, let go just get in oh its so amazing here its alright cause there's beauty in the breakdown it gains the more it gives and it rises with the fall so hand me that remote can't you see that all that stuff's a slideshow such boundless pleasure we've no time for later now you can't await your own arrival you have twenty seconds to comply so let go, let go jump in oh well whatcha waiting for its alright cause there's beauty in the breakdown so let go, let go just get in oh its so amazing here its alright cause theres beauty in the breakdown blg atl aud x333 my loves