being shy, i've decided, is a disease. it's probably one of the worst personality traits to have. granted, shyness, to a point, is cute. but my shyness? not so cute. it's more like an obstacle that i have been trying and trying to overcome for years but have still not succeeded. the worst part is that i've realized, in order to cure myself of it, i need to completely retrain my mind. completely. and that scares me, a lot. to retrain my mind? thats absolutely insane. the way i think of people needs to change. everything needs to change. crazy. but i've decided its time to really buckle down and get it done. i know that my shyness is getting worse as i let it go on and don't fix it so something needs to be done. what's really scary is that i know that i HAVE to step out of my comfort zone, which hate hate HATE doing. more than anything. but it's gotta be done. wishe me luck. i'm putting myself to the test tonight. peace love LIVELIFE

summer is here thank god. already today i've had some issues but im letting go of them because honestly its summer and i don't have to deal with them now if i dont want to. one thing that i realized really irritates me is when people accuse me of lying. if i say one thing i mean that and only that. i'm not trying to hint to something else and 99% of the time im not trying to hide something. take what i say for what it is. anywaysss no plans tonight :[ im babysitting, but tomorrow i might go shopping and pool party at e's friday so im looking foward to it. i really cant even believe that summer is here already. you got my head spinning heart beating out of myy chestt im a sucker for lovers for lovers

as the weather warms, my faith grows. This summer just looks so promising. All the things that could happen, that will happen, that won't happen. It just seems so great. I suppose though that things never are what we hope them to be. I'm sure even though summer feels far off and distant it's really no different than any ordinary day. My plans for the summer: 1. gain confidence 2. be less shy 3. meet a boy 4. meet more boys 5. have a few flings :] 6. change my wardrobe 7. have a carefree dramaless time with my girls well i have two exams and im done so its not that far off. i hope everyone has a great summer :] be safe please peacelovePRACTICEMAKESPERFECT(ciwwaf) ^^get ittt :]

i realized today what my biggest pet peeve is; people acting superior to me. for some reason it just hits home with me and i cant deal. when people start acting like that i have to just walk away. i cannot look at them. i refuse. its just degrating i think. anyways one of my good friends, like always, started acting like that to me. i love her dearly, but that one quality, it will be the death of her. all was well today though. school just seems so fun now. no stress, just fun. my friends first soccer game on varsity is tonight =] im so excited for her and i cant wait to see it!! yayyyy. my friends and i though, were havin a little disagreement about the weekend. people have conflicting ideas of what we should do, times, and people. too much to handle. anyways, my dance try outs are next week...i remember writing about this exact subject about a year ago...weird. im nervous but then again im not. i just want this nightmare year to be over with and i want to make varsity and finally be happy. fingers crossed... peaceloveSHOULDVESAIDNO

this weeks is actually going well. and im in a good mood =]. yay. one thing though that is really botherming are bitches. im so sick of them. all my former friends are just bitches. i cant stand it. anyone who knows me knows that i am a low key person. i dont talk shit, i dont do shit, if you do something to horrible to me, normally a quick apology can fix it. most cases, i can just get over things quickly. and lots of things dont bother me. but i cant get along with sensitive people and bitches. my new friends are completely not at all sensitive (which i love!) and they are genuinely nice and good people. we go together well =] but these other catty girls just need to stay away. i just feel like i shouldnt even be in high school, i feel like were all too old for the drama and no one gets that. but i've learned to just let it roll off my back. no one defines me. and thats the end of it. soooo i guess thats all peacelovebackoff

wow i haven't written in a long time. i dont know if theres a reason, maybe i just felt intimidated? i dont know. but i do know that i have grown a lot in the last four or so months. for instance, the guy i thought i liked is a total jerk. anyways life right now. i cant complain. i love my friends. i have healthy relationships with all of them for what feels like the first time. i feel more confident in myself. life is just better. today was my first day back from break. and it wasnt as bad as i expected it to be. only ten more weeks left of school. it flew by! a little stressd though about my grades. the quarter ends next week sometime and i just am nervous about bringing them up. that is so like me. this weekend will be fun. so undecided about what i should do though...i just feel so shady all of the time now. but isn't that was being young is all about? lying to get your way? i dont know... music completes me and im in LOVE LOVE LOVE with we the kings, every avenue, the audition, and november blessing right now. so check them out if you haven't already ;]. peaceloveALLTIMELOW (yeaaaaaaa im going!!! finally)

my conclusion for the day; i have temper problems. and it kinda sucks. the things people do just annoy me and make me so uncomfortable. my mother giving me a simple chore such as doing the laundry makes me want to scream in her face and just slap her. its not right. but i realize it also makes for funny stories =]. so i guess im not too worried about this 'problem,' if you could even call it that, but i wish i could change myself. correction: i know i can change myself, i just dont want to. i dreamt about him last night =]. thats the first time i've ever dreamt about something that i wanted to dream about. if that makes sense. the dream was so vivid. i was hugging him he was warm from the sun in a black t shirt with the sun shining down on him in an empty room filled with light. i was cold, and we just held each other i guess...? but i could feel his touch so well and his t shirt and the warmth of it. then we started walking toward the door, my one arm still around his waist, his arm on my shoulders and i was gonna kiss him goodbye possibly and my parents were coming out of a room but i didnt care, because he was what mattered. and then i was woken up, but i was smiling. i dont like him, i like his presence, i like how nice he is, i dont like him though. in my dream i think he just represented the love i would like to have. and that all was really sappy and i'm actually embarassed :/ anyways HAPPY HOLIDAYS AGAIN peace love LOVE =]

i saw him today. god, he is near perfect. everytime i get the chance to spend time with him, he charms me all over. not intentially, and he doesnt know it, but he knows exactly how to twist my heart so i keep coming back to him. i can't help but fall for him. i know that i never have a chance considering that when he's around her he never even gives me the time of day. whats so great about her? fakeness and makeup? if thats what guys want, that something they'll never get from me. that's one place i will not bring myself to. it frustrates me so much when he's so consumed in her that he won't notice me; no matter how hard i try, how loud i talk, how crazy i am...he's infatuated by her. she has a boyfriend. it will never work. rawr anyways christmas is in hmmm 3 days =] so happy Christmas/Holidays to everyone be safe don't get hurt don't do stupid things peace love SURRENDER

tonight was a fun night. not the best. but nothing bad happened and i cant complain. for some reason tonight the computer just seems so far away. like i'm not actually typing my thoughts tonight. i guess i'm just not 'that into it' right now, but i need to write, for me. i wishh wish wish wish that i had soo much more self confidence. that i could go to school monday looking like the person i want to, acting like the person i want to, actually being me, and i wouldnt be bothered by people criticizing me. and they would, no doubt, after all, it is high school. remember? no one's allowed to be who they want to be; diversity is frowned upon. anyways, i'm kinda straying from the point. i need self confidence, i need to not be shy. most of all i need to STOP worrying about what other people think of me. just say hi, who cares if you don't know them that well. you're not that social outcast that you've thought yourself to be. i dont want to be shy anymore; it gets me no where. ahh enough complaining. lifes good mostly. and on a lighter note; i met, ughhh i wish, actually i saw the most perfect boy tonight. absolutely perfect, there is no better way to describe my dream boy than what he looks like. the only thing i can say; i can picture him being taylor swifts boyfriend, like the one in tim mcgraw, except he doesnt look like him...make sense? anyway, he was just a gift to me, the only upsetting part; knowing that he would never look at me the same way, knowing that i would never have a chance with him, and knowing that i probably wont ever meet him or see him again. but when he smiled, i got goosebumps, and his skin; just soo perfect. i couldnt even dream up a more perfect man in my life. to be young and want love peace love OOO

i'm not gonna write you a love song cause you asked for it cause you need one, you see i'm not gonna write you a love song cause you tell me its make or breaking this if you're on your way i'm not gonna write you to stay if all you have is leaving i'm gonna need a better reason to write you a love song today