don't read if you haven't watched/read!

okay so my favorite scene from the movie(there are many but this is number one) by the way, this party sent me over the edge, i was already sobbing by this point, but i was hysterical by this part and i think everyone in the theater hated me because i was literally sobbing and sniffling.  anywayyyssss.  favorite scene...

Carlisle is telling Edward to make a choice right after Bella was bit.  Basically Edward has to decide if he wants to let her become a vampire (which at this point Edward will never let that happen, never ever ever, to her) or suck the venom out.  Carlisle won't do it because this needs to be solely Edward's doing.  Edward knows he has to suck the venom out but he is 100% sure at this point that he won't be able to stop, seeing as Bella's blood calls for him the most.  But despite his worries, he needs to do it.  So he grabs her arm and sucks.  His face and the pain and agony in his eyes is enough to make your heart stop.  The way Rob Pattinson acted it out is un freaking believable.  Edward is unable to stop at which point Carlisle is saying Edward stop, you're going to kill her, Edward!  Somewhere, deep down, Edward finds the strength to stop.  But you can just see the pain in his eyes.  I was just shocked and blown away by this scene.  Wow.  In the book though, I didn't imagine it like this.  I knew it was hard for Edward but i didn't picture him being unable to pull away but I think it made it that much better.  Ahhhhhmazing.

Alright favorite quotes...(not exact)

Bella: Besides you never even say hi to me

Edward: Hi...

Jasper: Pleasure to meet you (pained look on his face)

there will be more to come as i think of them

but my favorite thing about the movie is in the beginning when they talk about the Cullens and it's just hilarious how the Cullens can hear everything that people say.  Especially the cafeteria scene when Bella initially asks about the Cullens i just love when you see Edward smirk because of what they say.

Gosh i could go on and on.  Favorite movie of my entire life.

i have to believe in it.  most people say there's no such thing as soul mates and no such thing as true love.  but i need to believe in it.  i have to.  i love my parents to death and i know they are for sure in love with each other, but it doesn't seem like enough.  i feel like there are people with so much more to offer.  i know this is hard to explain but it makes so much sense to me.  i need an edward+bella, romeo+juliet, wes+macy kind of love.  i need it.  i crave it.  i want it.  i don't see how anyone could not hope it to be true.  call me naive but what am i living for if not for true love?  i don't see the point.  this is my last thread and i'm holding on for as long as i can until someone proves me wrong.  i'm sick of listening to all my friends parents fight (literally this happens) and then turn directly to me and say don't ever get married girls!  the feeling from the wedding doesn't last, it sure doesn't.  i'm sick and tired of listening to this.  it's not my fault you settled when you should've found your soul mate.  i swear to god that i will not not not settle.  i want true love and i honestly don't see the point of living if i can't have it or if it does not exist.  but what i'm deathly afraid of is what if i missed the opportunity?  what if i've already crossed paths with my 'soul mate' and i didn't realize it and i never will again?  could it be so simple to lose something so complex?  this is just too much for me to handle right now.  it leaves me feeling empty and anxious like i don't know what's to come in the future. 

peaceloveUNCERTAINTY

alright so i love writing. obviously.  and sometimes i write stories but i was sitting in english class one day right after finishing the truth about forever by sarah dessen and this alternate ending just came to me.  its very depressing so just a heads up.  i'm not a good writer by any means but i just liked the idea so here it is.  enjoy.

            The waves crashed around me, pulsing in my head.  Louder, please be louder.  I need to deafen my thoughts.  But the truth was there was nothing loud enough that could drown out the crying screams of my mind.

            It was as if the carpet was ripped out right from underneath my feet.  Nothing around me felt real anymore and more than anything, I wanted it all to be over.  Everything.  Everything that ever had to do with me, or my family, or my dad, or Wes, I wish it was gone.  Even though the feeling shouldn’t feel so foreign, it feels just as horrible, if not worse than the last time.

            Wes was dead.  And this time, I was there when it happened.  I made sure, damnit, that I wouldn’t let another loved one leave without me.  I was with him.  I did what I was supposed to do.  So why did the car hit his side and not mine?  Why did he get pinned in the car while I had minor whiplash?  He was so lively, so deserving of life.  Not me.  People loved Wes.  They needed him around, they liked having him around.  I, however, wasn’t as important.  It should have been me driving.  It should have.  But it wasn’t and that’s what’s killing me.  But, even this time, I didn’t cry.  I had Bert, Delia, Monica, and Katrina crying.  They didn’t need me.  So, like always, Macy Queen sat there motionless, as I watched my boyfriend, the person I loved the most, being buried at age eighteen.  An age that no one should ever have to miss out on.  Arguably, the best age of your life.  But Wes didn’t get that luxury.  And he never will.  But I will.  I’ll get that year, even though I don’t deserve it.

            So this was it.  The biggest ‘gotcha’ in the history of ‘gotcha’s.’  I didn’t know it would feel this horrible.  I never would’ve played the game in the first place.  Never would've followed the Wish van.  Never would've went into the kitchen.  But I did.  And I can’t take that back. 

            The waves continued to crash as dark clouds filled the sky, preparing for a storm.  I could hear the faint rumble of thunder in the distance.  More noise.  Just what I need.  Lightning finally struck off in the distance, just close enough to see.  Wes loved storms.  Loved the way it made his sculptures spin and come to life.  Loved that everything looked so bright after them.  Loved everything about them.  But he wouldn’t be here for this one. 

           Without thinking I reached into my pocket and grabbed the waffle pencil.  Cradling it in my hands, I stroked it back and forth, as if it was the last remains I had of Wes and I had to be careful, oh so careful, not to lose this as well.  Slowly I brought the pencil up to my nose where I inhaled the syrupy scent.  Smelling that for the first time since Wes died brought the memories rushing back like the swelling tears in my eyes. 

            I didn’t expect to cry, but I did.  I collapsed to the wet sand and cried.  Bawled for hours.  The pain was unbearable.  I couldn’t stand it anymore, just wanted someone to take it from me.  But you can’t run away from yourself, which made this all much more difficult to bear. 

            Wes never answered my last Truth question.  ‘What is your forever going to be like?’  It was an awkwardly worded question, but he knew what I meant.  He always did.  Thinking back now, it was like he knew what his forever held for him, but he didn’t want to tell me.  Instead of answering, he quickly grabbed his keys out of his pockets, “Let’s go get ice cream.”  I had wanted to say no, but, like I said, I don’t let the people I love leave without me now.  But that one fateful car ride changed it all.  It doesn’t matter the circumstances, if it’s meant to be, it will happen.  And there’s no stopping that.  Finally the tears subsided and I was able to at least sit up and breathe, if only for a moment.  “Wes is dead,” I muttered, “And that’s the truth about forever.”

things were going unbelievably well.  like i can't even explain.  it was that feeling you get when you first start liking someone.  everyone can relate to that i'm sure, except it was with like 3 different people for me :]  but it all came to a hault today.  my friend had 'bad news' for me, "do you want me to tell you?" i thought about it and decided, "nope."  it's bad, that's all i need to know.  and i pretty much know who it concerns.

 it hurts.  i just don't get why it happens to me? i know that sounds completely childish and whiney but i just want answers.  if there was legit reason why i deserved this then fine, so be it.  i just don't understand how this all comes so easily to other girls and then it gets completely screwed up and i end up getting fucked over.  if theres one person deserving of anything right now, i would feel confident nominating myself for that.  it just bites hard.  high school can't go by fast enough.

peaceloveRIGHT

alright so i'm going to a neon party this weekend and my friends and i are trying to get a bit creative with this.

 For sure i am wearing these sunglasses http://shop.pacsun.com/girls/girls-sunglasses/Retro-Girls-White-Sunglasses/index.pro (debating on splatter painting them, yay or nay?)

our ideas for the outfit were neon leggings (lime green?) pink tutu, and then a wife beater that we splatter paint with fabric paint. 

the next idea we had was cut off black t shirts neon sports bras, splatter paint the t shirt and then the tutu and leggings. 

any ideas?  the party is next weekend so i'm kinda running out of time

but i am going to the mall tomorrow!! so all help would be appreciated!!