Been so so so so so so SSSSOOOOOOO uber busy. Nice to be back for like three seconds. Gotta run!

Would you look at that... K decides he's gonna text me. The timing couldn't have been any more disastrous... God help me...

If you don't appreciate pain like i do, if you don't accept failure like i welcome it, do not EVER fall in love. Don't. For your sanity, please don't do it. Last night i died about a 100 times. But somehow i still hold out hope... for what? Would anyone tell me why i have 'MUG' tattooed on my forehead for all to see? Now i realise why i can't trust people. Why i don't want to trust people. Because i leave myself so open and vulnerable. I can't help it, it's how i am. I just wish things were ok again. All i want is to be happy. Is that too much to ask in anything?

So. I started my diet yesterday. So far so good. I had my Weetabix for breakfast, a banana for lunch and some green beans for dinner :) today i had my Weetabix for breakfast, a Weetabix oaty bar for late lunch -- that i didn't even know they did until today! -- and i'm gonna leave my godmother's house soon before i eat her awesome but calorie-fied chicken curry... life's a bitch. Never mind... I deleted K's number a few days ago. I haven't heard from him, i've tried texting but i can't be bothered anymore. I can't. It's a waste of time. So yeah. I'm still single. I was single the whole time. I only gave him my number because he just couldn't get the message that i wasn't interested. Here's where i'd like a little bit of help. How do you get through to a guy who's not listening you're not interested in him? Without knocking him out? Send me a message if you have any ideas... Anyway, gonna go home soon. And go to sleep... over and out.

Hey. I'm thinking coz i haven't heard from K i'm getting the message. I won't say i'm heartbroken... that's one lot of stress i don't need i guess. Still, my life took an interesting twist for the better the day we met. I've learnt a few things about myself too, which is cooler. Speaking of guys! I was heading up to my godmother's house today, thinking i'm totally late for the boys' homework. Halfway there i get stopped by this guy coming out of Balti House. He wants to talk to me! I'm like "oh fuck, heeere we go again!!" he said he saw me walking down the road smiling and he said he had to talk to me once i came down. Reason i was smiling was i was listening to Coldplay. Groovy :) he introduced himself as-- let's call him... A. A from Lebanon. He asked me where i was going, do i live in the area, the usual questions. I said in the end i had a boyfriend :) i said he lived in England too but i guess i lied about that. But it's a good lie? Yeah. Good lie. Hey, he said i looked young and Brazilian?! That's fucking awesome! I've never known to look South American before. They do have some pretty girls there. I was always called a boy so to move from boy to Brazilian is greeaaat! But yeah, A took it well i had a boyfriend. I've never turned a guy down before.He most certainly wasn't a looker though he had big-ish eyes. That's not important though haha. Anyway, dinner time. Ciao for now peeps!

I'm eating chicken curry if anyone's interested :) You'll never guess what happened yesterday! I had a breakthrough. I was talking to my friend... i'm not gonna say what was said but it just makes me realise how much he means to me... i can't ever say it enough. He means the world and more. I love him so much... Just wanted to share that with you :)

Dinner! Yaay!

I just had dinner at my godmothers. I know you're not interested but i got nothing else to say right now. After i'm done here i'm gonna go home and... do something. It's too late for biscuits now, the shop's shut. Can't get a takeaway coz they aren't open on Mondays. Usually the only time you want it, when it's shut :| I'll figure something out. I might just park myself in front of the tv all night with a pizza. See what happens.

Oh boy, i can't cook. I got home yesterday and (tried to) get me a midnight meal... pasta! Yum. But as soon as i put it in my bowl, it was still kinda dark and... uncooked. Oh well, it's only me. I don't mind poisoning myself. I felt a bit better having some pizza before bed. I had a cold slice for breakfast too. I might grab some biscuits on the way home... GAH!!! I'm supposed to be losing weight! I need to stop eating before i explode :( never mind... if anyone has anything to say, even if it's insulting, say away. And i'll get back to you when i can.

Hey. I managed to sleep yesterday which was nice. Slept for six hours, talked to my friend for a few hours, then went back for another six hours sleep, now i'm round my godmother's house for dinner. Yum, can't wait! I still haven't heard from K. Good thing, bad thing, i don't know. The other day when were texting, when i said to him that i didn't think he would ever talk to me again. After i tried to say i couldn't see him anymore. This is what i got back: 'u are my girl how am i not gonna talk to u' Why? Why does anyone feel that way about me? Of all people in this world, me? I don't understand. I'm not worth that, i'm really not. As much as i would love someone to feel that way about me, but i feel nothing back. And this is where i'm going wrong. My intentions might be to stay friends and i might think i mean well, even if we kiss every now and again. But i don't understand how i come across. It's like i want to be with him and that's not the case. I don't want to be mean to anyone. But, i'll say every time i'm gonna tell him straight that i just wanna be friends, but if we're gonna end up making out instead, what point am i trying to make? (sigh) never mind...