I love you. You have no idea...

Why do people make me say how i feel just so i feel better or they don't want me upset? When i want to help someone i get slammed in the face, like i can't help my family or my friends or whoever. They don't think i know anything. I've had it with that bullshit. I'm treated like i'm 5. I'm not going to give anyone the pleasure of knowing how i feel. Why should i bother when no one gives a shit about how i feel or how they treat me when they just blank me? I swear, what in the goddamn is your problem?!!! No one has ever listened to me and now i know for certain. I thought i was getting somewhere but apparently not. I hope all your problems make you suffer, like i have with mine.

I don't know how to let anything out. I'll say it's all my fault, maybe that'll make me feel better...

Double chocolate chip cookies, yay! :)

I swear, he will be the death of me.

...don't even think i like that rubbish, it just fit..... Wake Up Mother!!!!!! It's nearly 5pm and i got stuff to do today! Get Up!!!!!!!!!

I have a splitter of a headache. It's killing me :( i have this for another two weeks! Oh well. I got good feedback from mum on my story. She said she really liked it :) still got one more response to go, then i'm happy lol. I really must drink more water. Really must. I'm so tired. I didn't want any of what i just ate. It was disgusting. Never mind. I guess i just won't eat tomorrow, then i'll feel better.

I gotta get myself out today. Maybe just over to the park or something and just sit there for a while. And realise what a big dump i'm living in. I don't know why i was scared there was a good chance we would move. But we're not, it's obvious. I was doubtful. But now i hate it so much here. All the crap that happens here is just... crappy. But yeah, i could just sit there. As long as there aren't too many people around, don't so much like people here excluding my friends. 80% of them are perverts anyway. I think in all my 17 years of life i've nearly found them all. They make me scared and sad but i gotta deal with it. Ok i'm kinda rambling. There is another reason why i gotta go out though. I still gotta get myself some air as i've pretty much shut myself away these past 4 and a half months, but i'm getting out slowly. I think i only went out three times last month? It would be the first time out on my own. I do hope i can go out. Beside, Mum's calorie-counting is driving me just a little insane. I don't want her to get obssessed with it, it can be done! It's good that she's finally come round. I haven't seen her look this good since i was born. She's almost at my starting weight now, which is really weird. I don't wanna think about that... Jeez, i talk a lot of crap, huh?

Today was pretty fun. Played Scrabble all day with my little bro :) i thrashed him though lol. And then he attempted at drawing famous people. My favourite was Lil' Wayne hahaha... I really wanna show mum my story but whenever i get the chance to something happens. Maybe i'll just print it out and stick it to her face while she's sleeping so when she wakes up it's there. My unbiological big bro's coming tomorrow, maybe i could show him too. I kinda like it myself; yeah i shouldn't really say that... For some reason i just feel this week is gonna be odd for me, dunno why. I'm not really expecting anything to happen. I guess we'll see! I gotta get some sleep before the workmen arrive :( Goodnight world x

As soon as i get to sleep this morning the damn workmen show up and start drilling everywhere! Here's to the next fortnight...*sigh*... I don't really know what's gonna be happening today. I know i do have to go out at least once this week. I don't even know what day it is :( I had a weird dream. Alexis Jordan called the police on my mum for theft. But it turned out we were already friends with the coppers so it was a fun evening. Weird and stupid. What made it really weird, the whole shopping center was flooded. Almost like a 2012 moment (great movie). The whole thing was pretty stupid. Oh well haha.