Oh gosh, the smell of everything... It makes me want to eat everything! After all this time i still don't have that balance. It sucks :( Anyway, i finally chilled out today. Played some Tomb Raider. I wanted to do it yesterday but i couldn't because of a 5-hour hike in the park :| it wasn't that fun today. By the way, I cannot wait for the new TR!!!! I've never seen her like that before, scary trailer! I think i'll be out tomorrow morning so i better get up and get my workout in early-fied! I gotta figure out what i'm having for breakfast, there's barely anything in the kitchen! Oh well, i'll cross that bridge when i come to it. I'd better get to bed now. Night! x "We're closed to the earth till further notice" - Imogen Heap :)

Dang nosebleeds! OK, firstly i slept great. I seem to be dreaming of made-up movies i create. The last dream i had was about a priest or vicar, i think, and a pregnant dude. Don't ask. Then this one was called Stargazer. It was about some woman who could do psychic stuff with her drink lol. The really weird thing was, i just remembered, i dreamt of the whole damn soundtrack to the movie too! That's crazy!! One of the tracks was by some woman called Hart Thomasberg lol. She looked like a brunette Lady Gaga. Seriously, the things i dream of... Today is the second day working out and i don't feel any different. I know, i know, it's only day 2 and i'm down already but i shouldn't be eating this much. I felt more comfortable on one meal a day. But that's not good. I'm just scared i'm gonna put everything back on. I'm happy losing a bit more, or even staying where i am. I just don't wanna put anything on. I've been meaning to start working out again for a while now -- starving's not the best way really --and lately i've been real active so i should be ok. I hope. We'll see! :)

I'm so tired. Been going since like 7am, awake at 4 something. I did chill for like an hour but only watching a program. I got back about 7, an hour ago. I gotta get some sleep soon. So night x

I slept in a couple of hours. Ugh, i didn't want to get out of bed. The weather keeps messing up the connection here. Though there's hardly ever any decent signal here anyway. Stupid. I don't think anything special's happening today. I guess we're just waiting for a date now, for when we do go round to our friends for dinner. I'm ok with it now. I don't need to feel awkward. Nothing's awkward unless you make it for yourself! I'm over it. He won't talk to me anyway. Whatever. Fine by me! If it does, i'll just turn my music up. Problem solved!! Haha.

.You're so quiet... But it doesn't faze me You're on time You move so fast makes me feel lazy Let's join forces We've got our guns and horses I know you've been burnt But with every fire is a lesson learnt I left my house Left my clothes Door wide open Heaven knows that you're so worth it You are But i wish i could feel it all for you I wish i could be it all for you If i could erase the pain Then maybe you'd feel the same I'd do it all for you, I would Let's type words Because they amount to nothing Play it down Pretend you can't take what you found But you found me On a screen you sit at permanently I left my house Left my clothes Door wide open Heaven knows you're so worth it You are... But i wish i could feel it all for you I wish i could be it all for you If i could erase the pain Then maybe you'd feel the same I'd do it all for you, I would It's time to come clean And make sense of everything It's time that we found out who we are Coz when i'm standing here in the dark I see your face in every star.... But i wish i could feel it all for you I wish i could be it all for you If i could erase the pain Then maybe you'd feel the same I'd do it all for you, I would, I'd do it all for you, I'd do it all for you I'd do it all for you, I'd do it all for you I'd do it all for you, I'd do it all for you I'd do it all for you, I'd do it all for you I can't stop listening to this album. It's one of the best albums i've ever listened to. Guns And Horses is an awesome opener. Today i'm really feeling and loving this song so i just had to put it here :)

Oh gosh i finally went out today! Got me suntanned too. I tan so well, lucky me! It was a nice day except for the weather behaving nonsensically. I'm just wandering around in a nice white frilly summery dress thing :) sorry i'm not too into describing things, especially when it comes to clothes haha. I'm listening to Ellie Goulding now. Just awesome :) I'm getting a bit tired, been awake a long time. I might catch a few z's soon, dunno yet. I managed to eat some different stuff today, i'm kinda proud of myself. Though what i had for breakfast was way less than i usually do. But at least i know i can try different things without being in agony the whole day. The next few days will be interesting. If i feel then how i do now then i'm sure i'll be fine. I just gotta keep trying to get me sorted out. Today's all good :))

I'm just sitting here. Pretty lonely. Lucky i found something to do but i still feel lonely. Sometimes i think that is just an overused word; alone. Well, i use it a lot. But i do feel it :( I desperately need a haircut. I really want my hair short for my birthday. I hate combing it. It's stupid. And at least it'll keep the pervs away for a while. They don't notice me until it starts growing. Though i still haven't managed to leave the place. I can't bear anyone seeing me now. I hate it. I'd rather be somewhere where nobody knew me and i was a total stranger. That would make me feel better. Just somewhere else... I'm listening to Now Or Never by Josh Groban. So great. It being co-written by Imogen Heap makes it twice as awesome :)

I don't know if i should sleep first or eat first. And considering i need to work on both i'm not in a very good position. I've been awake 20-odd hours so far, i haven't eaten for over 12. I think it's just miscommunication with both sides of my brain; I'm waiting for myself to make a decision. I need to sleep so i won't eat but i can't sleep but if i eat i wake up and-- never mind. I'm so tired... I really want a hug :(

Jeez... One hour's sleep? I'm pretty awake right now, as anyone would be at 7am i guess. It was more like a nap that actually sleeping. It sucks :( I got no idea what i'm gonna do with the whole day. The whole day!! I hope nothing crazy happens. I don't wanna be stressing out. I'm trying not to though i don't think it's working. I can't seem to escape my anxiety attacks either. Neeeeeeever mind... I don't even know what to say.

So, today i'm going to try to eat more than one meal. I can't live on one meal and a sip of water a day. Yesterday i kept nearly collapsing. It's not a habit i should have. The problem is, i don't know what my body will take. I can't eat much now. Well, i guess i'll see what we have and if i suffer for it later... Ok, I'm going to go and eat breakfast now. And then i'm gonna play Tomb Raider! Wohooooo!!!!!