..... Oats. I love oats. Got this big box of cereal oats out shopping today and i'm head over heels. Lowering cholesterol has never been so much fun :) I'm so seriously in love with oats. Call me crazy if you want; it's been a long, uncomfortable day for me...

Haha... I am just sooooo gullible. I really do believe everything people say to me, don't i? Everyone, just like before. What a sad and lonely life i lead... Seething i don't think is the word. I'm not upset, i'm not even angry. I should be still, i was earlier. But i guess it's normal for me. Everyone knows not to kid a kidder. I know when you're lying! But i believed you. Mug, huh? Mug mug mug... It's like someone that hates me coming up to me and hugging me. I love ya pal (!) How would you react? You wouldn't believe it would you? Give it a while and they'll soon start hating you again. But it was all so... believeable, so well acted. Ok, now i'm actually having fun getting carried away but you get what i'm saying... I'm so mad at myself though. Not you for saying it, but me for believing it. But i'm not gonna keep doing that just to keep the peace. Do you think it's funny? Because i'm "vulnerable at my age"? Coz it's working! You do this on purpose? Are you that bored? Yeah i'm easy to get on with, too easy sometimes. But i'm not when i'm fucked off. Talk to me again when you start meaning what you say.

Guess what? I had an emotional day yesterday! I gotta stop getting it right with all these damn feelings... It just wasn't pretty yesterday. I don't wanna go into it but yeah. Then to make it worse today i slept in an hour >.< bed early tonight! I don't know if i wanna talk about anything right now. I guess i'll try again later.

LEO Jun 19 2011 You may be considering a decision based on someone else's opinion, Leo. But you will be the one who has to live with the choice. Still, the thought of getting involved in a conflict with someone in your world has left you feeling as though you don't have much of a choice. Can't you see that this is a never-ending cycle? Unless, that is, you put an end to it now. It's high time you followed your heart on a special matter. For too long you have been derailed by someone else's thoughts on what's best for you. You know what to do. The fallout won't be as big as you think. You know, i don't know if i have no idea what it's talking about. Hahaha... Good morning! I'm having a lazy Sunday, fuck it. Can't be bothered to move. I just wanna sleep though, i'm tired :( but if i sleep my sleeping patterns will be upside down again and i don't want that to happen. I have 10 hours of my day left, max. Hopefully i can get on the PS2 today, see what happens. Tiiirrreedd... i can't forget my vits. I'll have them in a minute. So far this morning's been as strange as how i felt last night. Nothing's happened but-- well, that's it. Nothing's happened... Oh. I'm.... oh... never mind. Maybe i'll continue a bit more from yesterday later. I have a feeling i'm in for an emotional day.

Hi. I just felt like saying something. My official talk to-er has disappeared for hours and hours so all i have is here. So hi :) I have so much to ask him but words fail me every time. I just want him to talk, i love hearing what he says. I ruin everything when i say something. It's a good job he knows i'm an idiot lol. But still, I... never mind. Another time. Ugh, i gotta sleep. Tired. "Never play with fire. Unless absolutely necessary" - DonaldDuck :)

What's happening!! My morning is complete. It's 10:32 and the last 5 hours and 15 minutes have been fun. I slept great. I feel good... actually i could go back to bed and stay there lol. Maybe i wanna play a game... I can't play the PS2 for some reason. My brother plays computer games aaaaaaall the time, every day. The second i have one day i can't play again the day after "because it's fair". It's bullshit actually but what can i do? It's not fair for me is it? I'm owed a lifetime of playing it. I don't play so much now but when i do i literally have to make the most of every second in that day. I should be used to it with him though shouldn't i? He's wrapped up in more wool than a million sheep! Now i'm just ranting. I have no say in any matter so i can only scream to myself :( Anyway, i feel great! "Do what you feel, just how you like, nobody has to know..." - Imogen Heap

Today was just awesome. I didn't even comb my hair. Coz i weren't going anywhere. No no no no no no no no noooo... I just chilled out with the PS2 and i loved it. I would've played all night if i hadn't been working out >.< i needed a rest today. I was pretty scared coz all the feelings i knew i would get i got. Like omg i'm gonna put everything on, considering it's a day off i'll have that bit extra, i never moved out of my chair i was so into my game! A little scary. But hopefully tomorrow morning i'll have a good soundtrack to keep me going. Here's what i got so far: Don't Wanna Go Home - Jason Derulo Now That I'm Real - Chad Valley Sweat - Snoop Dogg/David Guetta (i hate this song) Beautiful People - Benny Benassi/Chris Brown Anything by Lady Gaga Glad You Came - The Wanted (i hate this too) E.T. - Katy Perry/Kanye West etc It's a little weird but it does the job! These are just the ones that i can remember anyway. If anyone else has anything they recommend lemme know! I'll appreciate it. Ok, gotta get ready for bed now. See ya! x

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. No. Just... no. Why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why? WHY?!!! I want to scream. I want to cry. I want to break something. Else... something else. What can i do? I can't live like this. It's not my fault, i didn't mean to... Can't you get the message; there's no one here!!! But i understand... i do :( yeah i believe everything, thanks for reminding me. Just please, stop it... Stop everything. But don't... Oh i'm so confused. I'm so sad :( I want you to be here. Just be here... anyone. It's so lonely...

At least to cover the weekend anyway. Haha. I'm pretty frustrated. It's hard not talking regularly. I get sad... i dread this time of day now. It's gonna be a shitty weekend :( "Everybody says time heals everything, But what of the wretched hollow, the endless inbetween..." - Imogen Heap

So it's the morning of day 3! I am done already. I just gave up after like 10 minutes! Thank heavens for Jason Derulo :D it's nearly 10am and i am so tired. Been up since 4:15, had such a crappy night. If i can, i still gotta go get my dinner. I was gonna have some chicken yesterday but my brother had it. Then i was gonna have something else but mum threw the veg away. Wtf?! So i gotta get something. But it's gonna be rainy all day, fun :( I'm fed up. Why do i feel like after all of this nothing will change? Not physically but just... things. I don't want that to happen but really i have like a 2% chance of anything happening. It would honestly be easier defusing a bomb, that's a 50-50 shot. I dunno... It just hurts, that's all. But it doesn't matter. I lose! I need something to fight for and if it isn't there then what's the point? Aw heck, i'm just thinking out loud. Tomorrow's another day, right? "I would give my life to be human" - Ellie Goulding