Why the hell does she have to be such a cunt? I am the only person here that even tries to look out for her. She says "you're not my mom." But her mom would be there saying the same thing if she knew what she does. Being 17 years old and having over 20 partners is disgusting. Your risks go up so much. You'd think that should would give a shit that somebody cared enough about her, but I was wrong. I wish I could say that I would stop caring all together, and stop trying to help, but I can't say that. Because I will never be that person who says "Dont come to me when you find out the truth."

Today in PT I ran the two miles without stopping. I am bound to cut time. I already know that I can do more push ups now than I could before, and I am hoping that tonight I can prove to myself that all of those days of endless ab workouts, paid off. I will pass the push up and sit up portion to this PT test on Wednesday. Running I still need to work on considering that I am still at 22 minutes. But if you think about it, according to the last PT test, I cut my running time down 8 minutes. That is amazing. I will get under 19 minutes by the end of this semester. This is the only thing I am working at like my life depends on it. I need to set up a contracting meeting in a few months. I am hoping that I can contract either at the very end of this school year, or at the very beginning of next school year. This is something that I cannot wait for. I am proud of myself. For deciding to do this for myself. For going through with PT even though I am not as in shape as everybody else. I will get there. I will get there and I will get my ACU uniform. Once I get that, I will be wearing it out as regular clothing. I am proud of myself for this. The first person's face I want to see if my moms. I hope that she will be as proud of me as I am of myself. Next I want to see my brother, Mike. I know that he will be as proud of me and I am. I will show my Nana too, I am sure that she will be happy too, and my friends. Lastly, I want to show Lloyd. I want to walk into the Pheasant Lane Mall, march right into Zumies, and just see his reaction. I don't even think that Lloyd knows that I am doing this. But I want to see what he will do when he sees me. I love him. He is the sweetest man I have ever met. Big black Lloyd with a fro (: Gives the best hugs. As I wrote this, I started crying. Only because I am proud of myself, and how far I have come. I love what I do. I've proven to myself that I am not only mentally strong, but I am physically strong. I am Army Strong.

It's one of those days today. I wish I had somebody around. I miss having somebody to cuddle with when the days get shorter and the nights get longer and colder..

I want somebody to love.

For PT tomorrow, we all need to be in costume! Of course, I did not partake in Halloweekend festivities because I have wayy too much stuff I have to do, and the weather was shitty, thus I do not have a costume. This great idea came to me though. If I could get a green shirt, just plain green, I can manage to get a brown piece of fabric and a red or blue piece of fabric, and be a teenage mutant ninja turtle! I need to search my room when Jess wakes up to find some of that stuff. I need to wear a costume or else MSG Langdon will kick my ass! Ohh please let this work out.

Put on my spanex running shorts, because I hate getting up even earlier to get dressed for PT. BEST FEELING EVER--> put them on and they are too loose on my thighs and just comfortable on my waist. I love this! I can't wait til they are too big all together (: Shows me that the past 13 days haven't been a complete waste.... this is working. Thank God.

Watching SVU. It's so addicting. I have to wait for my laundry. It's really fucking annoying to have to wait lol.

Wtf is with all these black girls talkin like " Aww yee wut upwitchu. Betta be bacon on dat mofuckah.." get the fuck out. You live in Kingston fucking Rhode Island. A farm town. You are not Lil' Wayne. Go back to school and learn how to speak English. Jesus. Flustered. Sorry if I offend anybody, it was just annoying to hear.

5 miles down by 7am. What the fuck have you done?! Going to be pro and this Army stuff. My superior cadets are backing me. Satherly is great, picks me out of the crowd to work with me. Rockie and I am going to do this together now. She is contracted but still can't do certain things. This is my time. This is our time. I don't know what I am going to do when Satherly leaves next year. He's my motivation to keep going when I doubt myself.

He always does this to me. Dan is texting me, he wants sex. He obviously knows that I am going to want it too. He is literally the only black guy that I am so attracted to. I've messed around with him before, and it was amazing. I can't wait to go home and see him. It'll be that confidence boost that I really need. PS. Monsters Inc is the best movie ever.