I fell asleep while studying at 1am, and my alarm went off at 5am this morning, for my 4 mile run. Needless to say I made myself get up and walk all the way down to the gym, but nobody was there, so I just came back to my dorm and passed out again. Had to take the test and I knew all of this information when I studied with Jess this morning. I sat down to take the test and I ended up knowing most of the test. I am hoping that I got a 30/40, that would be awesome. College is so much harder than high school. So because I didn't going running this morning, I am going to hit the gym tonight. I just want to get skinny! lol. I was on tumblr, and I stumbled across somebody's profile, and she posted that she has made her own 80 day challenge. Like the ones you find online. I think that would be such a great idea! I have decided that I will make one for myself. A 40 Day Challenge, going until Thanksgiving. My hope is to lose weight obviously. My goal is to go down to 165. This won't be accomplished in the 40 days, but what I think I am capable of losing in 40 days is 30 pounds. I am currently 225. I found this out and almost died. It's the biggest I have ever been. My plan is to lose 30 pounds by Thanksgiving. I think that it will be hard, but if I really stick to it, I will make it happen. I work out every day, run everyday, to push ups and abs everyday. The onky thing that I need to REALLY work on is my diet, because at college, it's very hard to find something truly healthy when they serve burgers and fries every day. But what I am going to try to do is cut carbs because your body works through carbs before it works through fat for energy, and if there is less carbs then the body will start breaking down fats. Thus my diet will consist of all foods except carbohydrates will be cut and I won't eat carbs or sugars after 2pm. This will allow my body to work off all of the carbs and sugars I eat during the day and not just put on weight like it usually would. I'm starting this diet on Sunday, only because it is easier for me to keep track then. But I have been starting to eat healthy. Smaller portions, more veggies than junk. I've already noticed that I dropped some weight because I can feel my clothing fitting better, but there is still so much to be done. I'm not going to be the skinniest girl in the world, it won't happen. I am 5'8 and I am built like my Grandmother, broad shoulders, a big head and really big boobs. It's annoying, but I know that I am going to look good when I reach my total goal. If I can get to 195 by Thanksgiving, I will be more than happy. Then I will be 20 pounds away from being exactly what I want, which means I will be able to work off the rest by the end of this school year, and contract next year into the Army. I am set on this. It will be hard but this is what I want.

I haven't talked to Patrick in two days! :( I hate this. Midterms suck asshole. I am studying my ass off for my biology exam tomorrow, I got a 46 on the first one, but the lowest grade of our 4 tests gets dropped, so it better be that one. I took the pretest for the bio exam, its 20 questions, and the real exam has 40. I got a 60 on the pretest -_- But I am thinking, last time all of these questions were on the test, so if I memorize them all, I will get at least a 20/40 on the exam. Thus I have to memorize all of the questions and answers, and just know the basics of the notes. I am shooting for a B, but I have no idea how many points that will be because the grading system is all fucked up here. If I can get a 30/40, I will be content for my first real grade. but nothing lower than a 70. THIS BETTER FUCKING WORK.

I did a total of 6 miles yesterday. It was great. I made the 2 mile run without stopping, not I just need to be able to do it fast. I have to be at 18 minutes by the end of November. I am at 22 now. I will cut off that 4 minutes. Heading to the gym again today, I need to start this running business and stick to it, every single day. Tomorrow I have a 4 mile run.

I finished a 4 mile road march, and I wasn't the last cadet in. Finally, I am seeing improvement. I also befriended a ginger, who is a senior cadet here. He is really nice, I've thought that from the beginning. We talked about contracting, and Boston and all of that. I told him that I want to contract, very badly, but I need to get in shape first. He said that it's an intense program, and if I bust my ass in physical training, I will do it. I'm hoping that I will be able to see Patrick today after classes. I am tired of saying, "yeah we will hang out" but never hanging out lol. I will do this. Two meetings today. One to discuss with my adviser, the other this afternoon to change my major (:

I tend to be on it more than anything. If you ever go on and want to look for me, go to tumblr, then search tonightwefeelalive3 and thats me! I love it. And you will too!

My face is breaking out. What the fuck is with this 85 degree weather in October?! I just finished packing, still have a few things in the fridge that I need to get, and try not to forget my phone charger when I leave. I'm so exhausted, I always wake up so early here. I am so ready to go back to school. I miss being able to lounge in my room, and actually miss not being able to eat whenever I want, because I have weak self control. I need to get back to working out. I hate feeling bloated. On top of that I am getting my period so I am eating chocolate and salty things like it is my job. Going to apply for a job tomorrow probably. I have to see how the buses run, if not tomorrow, then I definitely will go to apply at the BBW Tuesday or Wednesday afternoon. I need a job. I need money for school.

Sitting at my house. I can't wait to go back to school. I am so bored at home, and I have only been here since Thursday.

I can fit into my skinny girl jeans now :) heading to the train station at 4 to go homeeee!

Going home tonight after math class at 3:15. I get to take 2 trains and a subway, how exciting. But I finally get to go home. I am pretty excited about that.

Is so fucking sexy. Get it my pants. Like now. Anyways, I have decided that I am getting my fourth tattoo over Christmas break this year. Probably in late December or early January. It's the next time that I am going to have money. I am stoked. It will be like one weeks paycheck. It'll be lizards :P Going home tomorrow night, FINALLY.