that I'll never stop fighting for you.

I was so mad keen for that blog and you just screwed up again -__________________________- SO, kate bush, oh you wondrous woman, why are you so amazing? I tell you, these lyrics define any relationship. especially ours You don't want to hurt me, But see how deep the bullet lies. Unaware that I'm tearing you asunder. There is thunder in our hearts, baby. So much hate for the ones we love? Tell me, we both matter, don't we? You, *be running up that hill* You and me, *be running up that hill* You and me won't be unhappy. yeah it makes sense... to me at least anyway i.love.you.

just makes sense. the bold is exactly how I'm feeling right about now. I miss you already :(

Have you ever loved someone so much You'd give an arm for Not the expression, no Literally give an arm for When they know they're your heart And you know you are their armor And you will destroy anyone who would try to harm her But what happens when karma Turns right around and bites you And everything you stand for turns on you to spite you What happens when you become the main source of her pain "Daddy look what I made" "Dad's gotta go catch a plane" "Daddy where's mommy? I can't find mommy, where is she?" "I don't know, go play, Hailie baby, your daddy's busy Daddy's writing a song, this song ain't gon write itself" I give you one underdog, and you gotta swing by yourself Then turn right around in that song and tell her you love her And put hands on her mother who's the spittin image of her That's Slim Shady, yeah baby Slim Shady's crazy Shady made me But tonight, Shady's rock-a-bye baby And when I'm gone Just carry on Don't mourn, rejoice everytime you hear the sound of my voice Just know that I'm lookin down on you smilin And I didn't feel a thing So baby, don't feel no pain Just smile back I keep havin this dream I'm pushin Hailie on a swing She keeps screamin She don't want me to sing "You're makin mommy cry Why, why is mommy cryin" "Baby, daddy ain't leavin no more" "Daddy you're lyin You always say that You always say this is the last time But you ain't leavin no more daddy, you're mine" She's pilin boxes in front of the door tryin to block it "Daddy please, daddy, don't leave, daddy, no, stop it" Goes in her pocket Pulls out a tiny necklace locket It's got a picture "This will keep you safe daddy, take it with ya" I look up, it's just me standin in the mirror These fuckin walls must be talkin, cause man I can hear em They're sayin, "you got one more chance to do right And it's tonight Now go out and show em that you love em 'fore its too late" And just as I go to walk out of my bedroom door It turns to a stage, they're gone And the spotlight is on and I'm singin And when I'm gone Just carry on Don't mourn, rejoice everytime you hear the sound of my voice Just know that I'm lookin down on you smilin And I didn't feel a thing So baby, don't feel no pain Just smile back Sixty thousand people all jumpin out their seat The curtain closes, they're throwin roses at my feet I take a bow, and thank you all for comin out They're screamin so loud, I take one last look at the crowd I glance down, I don't believe what I'm seein "Daddy, its me, help mommy, her wrists are bleedin" But baby we're in Sweden How did you get to Sweden? "I followed you daddy You told me that you weren't leavin You lied to me dad And now you made mommy sad And I bought you this coin, it says number one dad That's all I wanted I just want to give you this coin" "I get this point" "Fine, me and mommy are goin" "But baby wait-" "It's too late dad, you made your choice Now go out there and show em that you love em more than us That's what they want They want you, Marshall They keep screamin your name It's no wonder you can't go to sleep Just take another pill Yeah I bet you you will! You rap about Yeah word, kid keep it real" I hear a pause All this time I couldn't see How could it be That the curtain is closin on me I turn around, find a gun on the ground Cock it, put it to my brain Scream Die Shady!, and pop it The sky darkens My life flashes The plane that I was supposed to be on crashes And burns to ashes That's when I wake up Alarm clock's ringing There's birds singin It's spring and Hailie's outside swingin I walk right up to Kim and kiss her Tell her I miss her Hailie just smiles and winks at her little sister Almost as if to say.. And when I'm gone Just carry on Don't mourn, rejoice everytime you hear the sound of my voice Just know that I'm lookin down on you smilin And I didn't feel a thing So baby, don't feel no pain Just smile back

seeing my babiess, they are truly incredible and I love them soso much I wish D could be there but she's with her cousin who doesn't like the sun? 14 hours :) nomnomnom. can't wait :)

it's friday tomorrow, my bad, thanks baby. um yeah, friday tomorrow, excitement AND MAYBE GETTING HAIR CUT. which means youu get to meet the sister of J :)

kay so dad says to me, "cute photo. looks like you're in love" I just sat there unresponsive with a huge smile on my face. tomorrow is thursday, is also making money day and wasting it at the bay. excitementtt I get to see my baby girl, with D and J and maybe LW :) every thing's brilliant and I'm sitting enjoying the new moon soundtrack it's actually quite brilliant, however they definitely needed another song to truly capture bella's depression, oh well that's it I think. OH I'm seeing E on saturday. can not fucking wait it has been too long, I miss her :( again proving my laziness with the fact she is a five minute walk from mine. lol.

only in one thing have I found I can put my left hand to good use. hence the slightly part.... I'm quite happy with myself. however *note to self* you arent actually ambidextrous, remember the use of your right hand. kthnxbai

reading this you probably ask after such an incredible day why pain is in that subject heading. well here goes my little thoughts. pain is not getting paid enough because of my age. a biological stamp shouldn't change the fact I'm an exceptional in demand photographer. I'm not stuck up, it's a fact. I'm wanted at the australian open to photograph the entire event BUT because of my birth stamp I can't get accreditation. so basically, the ***** are using me so they don't have to pay for photos. it just really pisses me off. pain is also having to do hundreds of tiny, stupid tournaments and events just to help pay the bills. what. the. fuck. shouldn't my parents be doing that??? just feels like I'm being used by everyone. pain is trying to organise a day at the bay with two of the most important people in my life and not having the guy who will make it all happen reply to my txts or messages, if he isn't there the third wheel will definitely happen and I don't want that. pain is having an incredible day, giving away most of my l word discs for her. it doesn't pain me giving them away coz I know that she'll be watching that instead of missing me and hopefully that takes her pain away. I hope I'm not being too prosumptious. pleaaase god, set her down in my arms. I have never missed anyone so much in my life, even pa's death, sure I missed him but he passed away. death and I understand each other, it's just another journey... he's with his lost ones from the war. he's fine, peaceful. I was happy he didn't have to live with the nightmares or cancer anymore. but this, this is different. I don't know how to explain myself but I just miss her so fucking much. I miss stroking the parts of her body I knew were the most sensitive, causing a burst from her and pulling her back into me. softly biting all over her body, lingering on her incredible breasts. I hate being away from you, L.

so. APPARENTLY I can't go up to the farm anymore because of my allergies. bullshit. we both know what it is, you don't want me around him because you think he's influencing me. honestly it's such a joke and is pissing me off. and as for setting these guys up, I'm hoping they hit it off, I really am. they both deserve to be happy and to be in a relationship that doesn't include shitty boyfriends who fuck them over and make their lives crap. both of them are such great people, it just isn't fair. we'll just have to see how tomorrow goes. oh, I MISS YOU.