facebook chat always decides to fuck up... WHY CANT YOU JUST WORK? fucking failbook.

WOOOOOOO. hahahaha I have a smart vagina, bitchh. happy happy (: I love our conversations, but I love us more. I can not wait for saturday baby

Dreams. I have them, they vary from night to night. Some are happy, but most are depressing. Sometimes they are beyond anyone’s average definition of terrifying. They are my night terrors. They occur when they please and almost always completely hinder my senses. The worst I’ve had, perhaps ever, occurred last week. This place, so foreign to me, an old town... a ghost town. Burnt to the floor, its own memories suffocating me. The sky dropping pieces of ash, I was wearing nothing but torn cloth, walking along the main road. I had cuts running all up and down my arms and thighs, they were still bleeding as I walked along in a state of confusion. There was nothing, not a hint of life for what seemed like miles. Suddenly, pitch darkness. I opened my eyes to white, endless halls. I needed to find my way out. My heart started pounding and very quickly I began running. No, not running, I was sprinting. Sprinting down vast, empty halls. Sprinting for so long, sprinting for hope, hope that there will be a way out of this hellish place. But there was nothing. All of a sudden a turn appeared to my left, I followed it around praying for the exit I’d been hoping for but my legs turned to stone. Refusing to move, they froze me in the middle of a long hall turning from its original white walls to a darker poisoned gray. Blood red vines were creeping through the cracks in the walls. The walls themselves were contracting, the stone that supported them breaking in a shocking fashion. The change of atmosphere successfully ensured a state of trepidation as my legs quivered in fear of being crushed. Unexpectedly the walls stopped caving. A clearway slowly came into view making my mind wonder what would be appearing before me in the coming seconds. I saw light drops of blood trickling down the path in front of me. My legs were now thawed, and being able to move them I began walking towards what they would lead me to. The dark room behind me began to disappear, I turned back around and stopped in fear. My heart again, pounding faster and faster. In front of me stood two boney figures, blocking another long hallway. Both were perfectly still. I was at a crossing and had to make a decision.The two figures were both pointing left and right. They were leading me to where I had to go, a place that would protect me. I looked to the floor still in absolute fright. I could feel the quivers my body made as the reverberation came rocketing off the floor. The hall ahead of me continued down still marking the way with blood but the blood was heavier along there. It flowed freely down to what I was sure I was searching for. I turned back to the figures. Their boney shapes had changed to a more human form. They were my parents, begging, pleading, as they tried to lead me away. Their eyes full with hope that I would stray from the hall ahead. I ignored them. I mouthed - “sorry.” Their human form shriveled back to boney structures pointing to the halls left and right of me, their hopes and expectations now decayed. Dead and gone. Turning to ash, they disappeared and my options diminished as the two halls either side of me slammed shut, all that was left was the dark passageway drawing me in with the scent of fresh blood. Slowly beginning my descent I followed the trail of blood. Whispers of familiar voices came smothering me, warning me. I ignored them and found myself standing at a black door. Beyond the door I could hear sobbing, “forget, forget, forget.” It was another familiar voice. A far too familiar voice. Recognising the crying, everything instantly changed; my clothes went from frayed cloth barely covering my body to dark, everyday clothes. The room changed to a house I could recognise, only now it was missing windows. My hair, ruined by the blood I had shed from the cuts I suffered earlier returned to its clean state. I was back to ‘normal’ but the person beyond the door was far from it. I opened the door. There she laid, a broken girl, disfigured from the abuse she had endured at her own hands. “L?” I ask. “What are you doing?” She looked up, surprised to see me. She threw the blade in her hand against the opposing wall. She began to cry, “how? How are you here? I’m sorry. So sorry...” She continued, a blabbering mess. “Sorry, sorry, sorry. “ I stood there, looking around the room. I could tell it was her bedroom, despite the mess. The white sheets on her bed suspended from the ceiling, entirely ripped. Blood.... everywhere. Splattered on the walls, the floor. Her. There was nothing left untouched by destruction. I simply stood. Horrified. I asked once, “why again?” On the floor she lay, a bloodied mess, carried away by her appetite for self-destruction. I fell to the floor, a rose without its sun and water. Shriveling to what was something that once stood beautifully tall, untouched by destruction and self-mutilation. It all came rushing back. I crawled over to her dying body and whispered in her ear, “you’re dying, L. You’re dying.” I began to cry. Holding her now, as she took her last breaths. I knew it was the end. Using the last of her energy she opened her eyes. No words came out. She just looked at me, a look that promised me everything was going to be okay. This time it was a lie... nothing was okay. She mouthed to me one last time what I had heard a thousand times before. “I love you.” Then she was dead. I let go of her. Walking away one final time I turned back to her bloodied corpse and screamed, “I’m not your Juliet.” Turning back, I followed the hall that I came from, away from what I had originally searched for, tears flowing. The girl I left behind would never really know, never really understand. But on the floor she lay, the world would never reach her again. 
Like in her dreams, she was forever gone. 


it was amazing fun, really it was... nawwwwttt. it was the worst fucking night, opening night dodginess, as expected. well it was actually going alright until some dude showed up with a bottle of jim beam, then it went really shit. I had to take care of a drunk girl. all over me, yelling out at randoms, saying she wanted to hook up with my friend and all the hook ups she had from some party so yeah, I was a raging mess for quite sometime. but now, 24 hours later: I'm calm and missing the stupid drunk girl. what.the.fuck? I'm sorry A, E and J. I don't know what I am? probably one of the things you described. I do miss you oddly ------------------------------------ my english essay - a 20. my first 20 for english. (yes, oddly) it'll keep me up for the rest of the semester thank fuck. that's it I think. mm yeah, JUNO IS SUPER WIN. I still love it after all these years

checking out chinese dynasties and stuff. ummm, so the dragon lady is crazeee, uhhhmmmmmmmmmm.... essay time. EFF THAT. fucking keen for soundwave, sososo keen. it's gonna be mad Nd rad and totally awesome ALL atthe same time. I vlog now, WOW. I need food, bai bitches.

Dreams. I have those, they vary from night to night. Some are happy, but most are depressing. Sometimes once in a while they are beyond anyone’s average definition of terrifying. They are my night terrors. They occur when they please, waiting for the lowest points of my self and attacking in the middle of the night, completely hindering my senses. I’ve noted they worsen when provoked by a genuinely horrifying film or music that is so powerful it leaves me in an aura of haunting leading into my sleep and ultimately, my dreams. The worst I’ve had, perhaps ever, would be from last week. A place incredibly reminiscent of SIlent Hill, the sky dropping pieces of ash, wearing nothing but torn cloth, walking along the main road. I had cuts running all up and down my arms and thighs, they were still bleeding as I walked along in a confused state of mind. There was nothing, not a hint of life for what seemed like miles. Suddenly everything turned black and I opened my eyes again to endless halls with white covering the walls and ceiling. The front was very simple, there were no doors or signs leading to an exit of any kind. My heart started pounding and very quickly I began running, no, not running, sprinting. Sprinting down the halls of vast empty space. Sprinting for so long, sprinting for hope, hope that there will be a way out of this hellish place. But there was nothing. All of a sudden a turn appeared to my right, I followed it around praying for the exit I’d been hoping for but my legs turned to stone. Refusing to move they froze me in the middle of a long hall seemingly turning from its original white walls to a darker poisoned gray. Blood red vines were creeping through the cracks the walls were forcing as the room began to contract making the stone that supported it break in a brilliant fashion. The change in atmosphere successfully ensured a state of trepidation as my legs quivered in fear of being crushed. Unexpectedly the walls stopped caving in on my helpless self. The clearway slowly came into view making my mind wonder what would be appearing before me in mere seconds. I saw light drops of blood trickling down the path in front of me. My legs returned to flesh, being able to move them I began walking towards what it would lead me to. The dark room behind me began to disappear, I turn back around and stop in rapid fear. My heart again, pounding faster and faster. In front of me stand two figures, one on either side of another long hallway, both are perfectly still pointing to the halls, the figure of a man on my left pointing to my right and on my right the figure of a woman pointing to my left. They were leading me to where I had to go, a place that would protect me. I look to the floor still in absolute fright. I could feel the quivers my body made as the reverberation came rocketing off the floor. The hall ahead of me continued down still marking the way with blood but the blood was heavier along here. It flowed superbly down to what I was sure I was searching for. I turned back to the figures, they changed from their boney shapes to humans. They were my parents, they were leading me away. Begging, pleading. Their eyes full with hope that I would stray from the hall ahead. I ignored them. I mouthed - “sorry.” Their human form shriveling back to boney structures pointing to the halls left and right of me. A decay of high hopes and expectations. Dead and gone. Turning to ash they disappeared and my options diminished as the two halls either side of me slammed shut, all that was left was the dark passageway drawing me in with the scent of fresh blood. It reminded me of the sea. Slowly beginning my descent I followed the trail. Whispers of familiar voices came smothering me, warning me. Ignoring them I found myself standing at a black door. Beyond the door I could hear sobbing, “forget, forget, forget.” It was another familiar voice. A far too familiar voice. Recognising the crying, everything instantly changed; my clothes went from tarnished cloth barely covering my body to dark skin tight jeans, converses, a dark red singlet and dark jewellery. The rooms changed to a large city house, only missing windows in its walls. My hair, ruined by the blood I had shed from the cuts I conceived earlier returned to its clean cut state. I was back to ‘normal’ but the person beyond the door as I could tell, was far from it. I open the door. There she lay, a broken girl, tarnished and disfigured from the abuse she had endured at the hands of her own. “L?” I ask. “What are you doing?” She only looked up, surprised to see me she throws the blade held in her hand against the opposing wall. She began to cry, “how? How are you here? I’m sorry. So sorry...” She continued, a blabbering mess. Sorry, sorry, sorry. I stood there, looking around the room. It was her bedroom, I could tell, despite the mess created: the white sheets on her bed suspended from the ceiling, entirely ripped. Blood.... Everywhere. Splattered on the walls, the floor, her. There was nothing left untouched by destruction. I simply stood. Horrified. I asked once, “why again?” On the floor she lay. Self destruction caught back up to her. On the floor she lay, a bloodied mess, carried away by her appetite. I’m now falling to the floor, a rose without its sun and water. Shriveling to what was something that stood beautifully tall, untouched by destruction and self-mutilation. It all came rushing back. I crawled over to her dying body and whisper in her ear, “you’re dying, L. You’re dying.” I began to cry. Holding her now, as she took her last breaths. I knew it was the end. Using her last part of energy she opened her eyes. No words came out. She just looked at me. That look that promised me everything was going to be okay. This time it was a lie... Nothing was okay. She mouthed to me what I had heard thousands of times before, just one last time. Then she was dead. I let go of her. Walking away one final time I turn to her bloodied corpse and scream, “I’m not your Juliet.” Turning back, following the hall that I came from, away from what I had originally searched for, drops of tears came flowing down. The girl I left behind would never really know, never really understand. But on the floor she lay, the world would never reach her again. There she laid on the floor; like in her dreams, she was forever gone.

are full of nothing when they should be full of everything I have a USB that refuses yo work and all that i'm stuck with is a five sentence draft. the draft is due today, I said I did id, it, it fucked up. it's just stupid. why with english? -___- UHHHMMM so what happened. the two songs that put me in that mood - breathe me and running up that hill it's like I just want to see her but I know I can't then I don't want to coz I figure all I'd be was moody the tunnels would be nice, it's all I really need right now. cold tunnels and a blade, plz. or you. either way what's wrong with me? iunnnooooo fucking retarded that's what. so I need to chill out before I freak the fuck outta E, I just figure... writing here would help the fact I can't write for my fucking english. FUCK YOU bad mood I miss you and I don't all at the same time it's quite infuriating. I just want sunday. I want to sleep all day in my bed with you and forget about stupid shit, it'd be nice. oh and fuck school before AFC. what a joke. school work isn't even important at the moment honestly.. and it's so easy. just fuck off. apparently I'm not doing well enough but really I'd just like to say fuck you rents. and yeah bye. sleep. forget. don't cut

it won't fuck off umm, so I'm procrastinating, you know.... it's what I do best. maybe getting my room out of the way FIRST would be good *sighhhhh* I just don't know take a guy to your formal I won't mind at all. I already explained that, it'd be easier and save a lot of stress if you don't. and your dad's kinda right in the sense of displaying us out like that. basically... do what you think's best. my night terror, there is a long hall in the middle of either left or right. there are two disfigured people pointing in either direction. I decide to run down the hall through white shining doors and see you covered in blood and a white dress. that'll be my creative writing. I'll write it properly when I've finished the draft in my english book. so all I'd like right now is a hug and a sleep + a day off to recover from work and school and no sleep. its DEATH

I have NO fucking idea... Long Beach State? Bradley? Adelphi? Arizona State? others on the list... I have no idea -___- fucking choices! gahh! haha oh god... the fucking SAT. basically.. I'm screwed.

please win, rog. please! you deserve it so much, your sixteenth slam is only two days away, take it. fuck I hate being in this room on my own, I can't sleep, I can't even close my eyes for a period of time... I dunno why, just can't. I miss my baby girl, I can't help but think of me in her year 12 jumper hanging around home being idiots. there's just a few things in the way... seventy hours, her parents, my mother and our last years at high school. (last for the gorgeous one...) and also the pressure I'll have from my mother/father (but mostly mother) in doing well in tennis, music, photography and academics. sound easy? think again. sighhhhh gotta pucker up and get over it. it's hard but there will be times that are just really fun. but there's no doubt about stressful tines, ohhhh yes, there will be much stress. composure is the key to life. stay composed, be cool ;) soo, take a half our out of that now, maybe, if I want to be generous. anything to see you faster. it feels weird, L's at school and i'm working in another state :S it's like afbcshkksatyb basically. dunno how to take it. haha I love you rox, you're such an awesome dog (: minus the snoring -____- ah, joni mitchell, you're a magnificent person. I liked the idea of having the world at my feet, now that it's here, it feels kinda scary. for the first time I'm properly torn between three major things. strangeeee shit people, really strange. I don't know how to approach the year but I'll try my best to balance it out. oh and dani! you are fucking awesome! kudos to you for being an amazing wheelchair athlete. and my darling girl, it is 69 and a half now (: oh to stupid people... fuck off... we don't like you, you can't spell, you can't speak, you just fail... you... you are like a *firehydrant! ;D *J&J reference