so, shut your face and its all over. thats all.
and sal thinks youre fat.
grow up, and get potty trained please. because were sick of cleaning up your shit.
and sal says piss off
over and out, bitch. in case you couldnt tell, my boyfriend was here

okay, this is the long entry. two parts. part a we talked about you, all lunch. about how you dressed like a slut and how you are immature and about how bad you treat people who dont deserve it at all. about the drama you bask in, and the people that you surround yourself with; the way you complain and bitch about problems you caused yourself. but most importantly we realized who our true friends were, and the way you treat the large majority of us, doesnt include you. i once thought you to be a good friend. no matter what you did i thought back to that night when you brought me home. i realized it was truly your mother who understands, and she doesnt deserve anything you give her. she has given you love, a good home, a strict lifestyle but trust me youve got it like a goddess compared to some people. the last thing we all said, was grow up.
part b okay, so it was terrible. but i didnt mind, it was just us. and we made "mad" history, which is totally true haha. now, i dont regret it at all (i wish it went a little smoother, but hey, we tried.) but i just dont know what to think. i keep getting the feeling he wants to leave me, or hes unhappy, or he just doesnt like me anymore because of it. but.. it cant be like that. i know its not but i cant help the way i am feeling. i need advice, but i have noone to go to. one of the two people who could help me isnt speaking to me, and the other just likes meaningless sex.
now, im not telling you im totally attached to him now and i need to be with him forever or ill cut his name into my leg.
im just saying that i need to get over the face we had sex (and everthing else..) and no matter what happened he still loves me.
no matter what happened..

well, i miss you too. so, there. anyhoo, i dont really know what to say. lets just say it wasnt perfect, but i think thats what made it perfect. it wasnt terrible, haha, but it will be better i believe. we tried, haha. hes wonderful, he really is.

ive been jumping from the tops of buildings, for the thrill of the fall; ignoring sound advice. oh how i miss these things.

well shit. i have to see my whole family all this weekend, and ive got a billion popped blood vessels on my neck. woohoo! but its okay, because today was wonderful [: on another note, i got my painkillers today! im very happy about that. i will go to the hospital in june, and theyll steal my blood and whatever else they do in that place. as for other things, they are good. some people are irritating me much like a urinary tract infection would, but thats okay. at least im out of diapers. golly gee willakers!

will they miss me when im gone? fuck no. theyll be just as happy as myself when i get the fuck out of this place. im sick of this bullshit, im sick of these people, but mostly im sick of all the disappointment, and the fucking hate, its fucking toxic. i want to get out so bad.. i would do anything. all i wanted to do was see my boyfriend. but no. they have to make up some bullshit lie and when i do prove them wrong and they realize theres no way out, the poke and prod and fuck with me until im just too fucked up to walk straight.
one of these days they will be so sorry. they will regret how they have treated me and how little they make me feel. they will regret the self image they have given me, and they will finally realize that i didnt fucking lose. i am stronger than this. i am not like that.

im just intoxicated by all this anger, all this hate. i wish, i wish so bad that i couldnt feel. that every emotion slipped away. i wouldnt be able to feel like this. i wont be able to be hurt anymore. sometimes i just wish that i could just fall, forever, and ever, and ever. i would never land, i would never have to hit the ground; i would never even be tempted to jump.
because id just be falling forever

yeah. i hope you get some steeds from that asshole. you deserve it.

if youre looking for something humorous, here it is: i was hiding in the shower, waiting for my little brother (to scare the shit out of him) as i sometimes do, when my mom walks in. so i thought, "here is a prime oppurtunity for the funniest moment in (my) history." and so i waited. she starts to piss, and eventually i just couldnt wait any longer and jumped out from behind the shower curtain and yelled "RAAAH!" she then proceeds to jump a mile high on the shitter, and make this atrocious face, from which i am still laughing.

i tested positive for an a and a test, whatever that means. doctors can be so shady. docters thursday, and again in june. theyre taking my buhlood. i wish id never gone now. im nervous, because now it cant be nothing, the least it can be is a virus. fuck viruses! at least my boyfriend will stand by me. i need some support in all of this. when your friends think cancer is funny, you dont get much of that.

so i have made my decision. this is something i want, and have wanted. i put a lot on hold for it, and i will not let it go to waste. i will give this relationship all i have; if i get hurt, i will be immensely hurt. but if this works, then it could be almost perfect. i dont know why im trusting you. i dont know why im letting myself love you when im expecting to get hurt. just please dont lie to me.