so things are wonderful. im bright red from being at the beach all day with taylor and haley, but thats okay. yesterday was nothing less than perfect, i spent all day with my boyfriend for the first time in a while. its been a long time since we spent that much time together. six months. thats how long i have to wait. his friend is moving in, ill hopefully have a good paying job by then, and ill be able to move in sometime around seventeen, eighteen? i wouldnt mind changing schools either is necessary. however, to this wonderful upside foils my awful downside. my mother is on a cunt rampage, ruining everything she possibly can. such a piece of shit. she acts like a two year old sometimes, coming by and fucking up my computer, or taking my phone and texting people, or calling me a bitch and a cunt and so on. i told salvatore of my childhood, and told him how normal it was for me. he thought it was crazy, and i felt ashamed; not of myself, but of the people i live with. and how they used to and continue to treat me. i dont know what they expect of me, it kind of sucks. but then again, a lot of things suck. this house is a prison, on the planet bullshit, in the galaxy of this sucks camel dicks.

things have cleared up. and though i know were not speaking, but i thought id write a little side note to let you know that you disgust me. anyways. im not really sure what to write. i wrote a letter to my parents after the huge fight, but i never gave it to them. the basis held to the meaning of something along the lines of "when the day comes that i kill myself, know that it is your fault." and i mean it all, too. it wasnt telling them off or totally shittin on they dickk, it was me telling them how i have felt these past six years since they never took five minutes to actually understand. but whatever. im so full of hate. ive had such an awful week. that might be due to my multiple head wounds, the chunk missing from the thumb, the infected tetanus slice on my finger, or the bruise(s) on my arms from fighting with inanimate objects. i like you.

thank you reedstar (if you see this). youre reply made me smile! it has been getting a little bit better, i saw him today. oh, oh oh did i see him today. and if a god actually exists ill see him tomorrow too. it is more noble to kill oneself, than to be captured by thine enemy. julius ceaser was the shit.

what the fuck. seriously. i see him, once a week now? its half an hour out of the something-teen hours youre awake doing jack shit. i dont even care anymore. i dont even care. what am i supposed to do until he gets his licence? its fucking stupid. in the beginning, it was fine, but now i hardly see him, and my mother and his mother are just making this relationship frustrating. fucking shitty cunt bags! id sort if like to stab everyone right now. i dont know why my parents have to fuck up everything that makes me happy.

hey, is your heart still beating? i cant stop the bleeding, ive lost you completely..
theyre right this time. i wont pretend to smile.
scary kids scaring kids bring back some memories.. doesnt every song, though?
today was.. wonderful? seems too little an adjective, but after not seeing him for a while it was amazing to see his face, at least.
i dont know what to expect.. i dont know.
but i cannnot fucking wait.
as of right now, everything else is going well. i think im going to die soon, though.
yeah. that sounds about right. you left me at the alter, my heart in your hands.
i am tired and broken.

so i finally got those two songs from the scion commercial, and until about three today jess randi and i were dancing around to them and making m&m pancakes in my kitchen. afterwards, we got lost in an abandoned mill and sat on the roof, made soup, and cupcakes. it has been a good day. although, apparently my face is an eon (says ryan). and im a pringle dick. anyways. tomorrow is going to be great. to be honest, i dont care where we go to eat, or what movie we see. i havent seen him in too long, so i think im subconsciously mad at him. yeah, my shit works that way. other that than im doing well, my thumb is still in a half a piece but whatever, its just impairs my ability to kill hookers and steal cars. oh, and use a flamethrower. but thats okay. "your voice sounds a little young?" "its alright, bye." "rachel, if you cant speak obscenities, you become one." "dumb stupid piece of crap!" "eh, i think ill just rape her on the off chance shes into that shit." i love my friends, i love my boyfriend, i love the summer air.. i feel it already.

i made apple pie today, and cut the tip of my thumb off! i am currently bleeding through my second bandaid, and its really hard to type without using your thumb, when you type properly anyway. well, today sorts of sucks. probably not doing anything, not until later at least, and im buhleeding profusely! thats all.

i like vaida, and dade. how can anybody go on breathing when true love ends? its like a car crash, but it never stops colliding. they keep slamming into eachother, until they completely surpass one another. and then the whole world just keeps turning. vaida is jealous, sometimes i wonder if im jealous. i dont think i am, but sometimes i want to be anyone but me. sometimes i wonder if self hatred and jealousy are the same. boyfriend told me he would never want another girl. i dont know how he has changed so much, but im praying to god he stays this way. he told me he knew, that day i stopped talkig to him, he knew it couldnt end like that. i guess he was right.. so how is this going to end? who knows. who knows.

extra large entry. so today was my first actual day of classes, and as expected, it sucked some huge ass. but its okay because im getting my hair cut tonight! not that you know what i look like anyway, but to me its exciting all the same. i cant wait for saturday, though. salvatore is taking me out to see Drag Me To Hell and then out to dinner. plus, his moms moving out soon so the apartment is his. and mine. haha he just doesnt know that yet, im sure. anyways, life is turning in a good direction as of right now. although now that ive said that, tomorrow the eastern hemisphere is going to get nuked. but whatever, at least id die happy. his mother whispers quietly; heavens not a place that you go when you die. its that moment in life when you actually feel alive and i do, i do feel alive. summer is coming up and i already have so much planned. cape and new hampshire with jess, randi, and jen. maybe maine with tara? warped tour with jess and boyfriend, lots of boyfriend, and who can forget the beach and the endless summer nights? this is definitely going to be the best summer of my life. bring it on.

city any colour brings back so many memories. so many feelings, so many good ones. ive been known to fall in love, but sometimes love just is not enough. and my heart will stray before too long. dallas green is a cheater cheater pumpkin eater, and i love him. i love acoustic singers with good voices. theyre so soothing, and they make me so happy. if you know of any, please let me know. you know my shit