Is what I've been lately. I have to act like my life is perfect but the truth is I'm in a crisis. The whole alex thing is killing me tearing me apart. I don't even feel like myself I feel like I can't even get close to anyone. I'm even having trouble writing which is a first for me. My life is writing and now its like everything is changing. It confuses me so much how my life can be sometimes. Alex is the only reason why I didn't commit suicide aFew months ago. He told me don't do it I need you. If he's not here then what resaon do I have too live. I guess for drea god and myself. Those reasons are a lot stronger then they sound. But anyone I love me so I won't do anything. Plus drea would kill me if I did anything stupid. Thanks too her I can't even drink but I guess that's a good thing

Is what I feel I feel remorse and sorrow. I fell in love with a guy who will never admit to anyone but one person that he had feelings for me too. Now he's on his death bed and I can't even talk too him. In truth that makes me feel horrible. I really love this guy and it dosent matter too him or anyone else. The only preson who really cares is drea. That's why I love talking too her. She has this effect on me no one else has for me except yzy. I can't even talk too her right now. So basically I'm lost and confused and a whole bunch of other things. Alex is the most special preson in the world too me. I don't believe heKnows this though or dosent care. I act as if I hate him but he's the sun in my solar system. That's how much I need him. I don't just want him I honestly need him. But if he leaves me my solar system will collapse it'll turn cold and unable to inhabit life. This of course means I will...

Its fucking bullshit I can't believe it happened. Actually it might happen but how do I know its true. He lies so much if he dies ill hate him. I will never forgive him how can he leave me. Its just evil if he leaves me ill be empty. I mean there's so much I have too say too him so much good and bad. I can't believe this is real he's actually leaving me. I want tp fucking beat the shit out of that bitch. He has the nerve too try too apologize. I can't believe...

Its bull the way I'm treated by family. Its already bad enough they think I'm a complete phycho but they also accuse me of being OCD. Today my cousin said I only credit the boys at my cousins graduation. They think because I'm gay my life revolvesAround guys I can't take this homophobic family anymore! I need alex or drea or yzy before I explode!

So I'm back from my family reunion and I feel horrible . I just woke up and all I can think about now is alex. I believe my love for him is stopping me from mooving on with my love life. Its like I don't let go of the psat but its not myg fault alex played with my heart and in the end he broke it. I honestly don't know my true opinion on him. P.S.hey drea

yep thats what i am confused. Drea seems mad right now but i think its because of the moving on. Brock not being with her kills her inside but she wont admit it. i understand how she feels i feel like shit right now thinking about Alex. He can tell my friend yesmine he loves me but he wont admit it to me or anyone else. Im really worried about Drea i hope she feels better i will try my best to comfort her . TTYL

its so hard saying bye to people i just met i feel hurt right now confused and hurt and so many other things. i dont know how to say bye to andrea and alex(my two best friends) anyway guess its bye for now anyway