Cuz I'm bored and don't wanna think about things... Shuffle your songs on your iPod. Then answer the question with the song title. No matter how stupid it sounds. 1. What's a weird phrase you like to say? All We Ever Needed (The Early November) 2. What's your life like? Do That There (Lyrics Born) 3. What's something you've never said? Ah Oui Comme Ça (Chromeo) ...Well, it's true. 4. What do you do at parties and stuff like that? Time To Pretend (MGMT) ...Good one 5. What's your love life like? Relax (Frankie Goes To Holllywood) ...HAHAHA 6. What'll be your wedding song? Cut! Print It (The Starting Line) ...I don't think I want my wedding song to be about closure. 7. Your honeymoon song? Baby's Romance (Chris Garneau) ...And I don't think I want my honeymoon song to be about the sexual molestation of a little boy. 8. Your best friend's theme song: Stokholm Syndrome (Blink 182) ...No. It's more like me, actually. 9. Your theme song: Maps (Yeah Yeah Yeahs) ...Yeah, this works. 10. Your parents' theme song: The Call Out [You Are The Dishes] (Hit The Lights) ...Haha wtf no. 11. Your rocking out song: Ode To Kevin Arnold (Ludo) ...nope 12. The song you have on your iPod but can't stand to listen to: Luca (Brand New) ...I LOVE Brand New. So, no. Not at all. 13. The song that gets stuck in your head easily: Monument (A Day To Remember) ...Yeah, pretty much. 14. Your next boyfriend/girlfriend's theme: The Tension And The Terror (Straylight Run) ... (: Aw 15. The song for when you're about to do something stupid: Come Back (The Early November) ...No, so cute though

This Very Moment by Set Your Goals. Mutiny! by Set Your Goals. Mhm. I suck at goodbyes. Probably because I've never had to really do one before. But today I do. And I'm being classic Courtney. Instead of facing my issues, I ignore them. i.e. instead of dealing with the fact that my friend is leaving for college in two days, I'm just pretending that she's not. Wtf why am I so fucking wierd like that? Like I'm reluctant to hang out with her tonight because I don't want to cry in front of her and I don't want it to be awkward and sad. I was really close to not texting her at all to make plans. Why the fuck am I such a shitty person? I have the most ridiculous insecurities. I did the same thing when my grandma died in March. My parents were at the hospital with her and I was home sick. I was AVOIDING THE PHONE and ignoring their calls when they were fucking calling me to say goodbye to her. Wtf? Courtney, WTF? This is ridiculous. I've known Kait since I was like 7. Why am I being so fucking shitty? LameLameLameLame. I'm fucking lame. I don't understand why I do things. At all. If I were to trade places with someone for a bit and just listen to myself try to explain why I act like this, I'd think they needed medication. Or that they were just an asshole. Maybe I'm just an asshole. I don't want to say bye. I don't even know how to do that! And she's SO SAD. She's going to cry when she says bye to me. Which will make this incredibly hard. Ugh. So fucked up. So lame. This definately won't make sense to anyone. But it's okay, because it doesn't make sense to me either. Much like everything else that runs through my head. I just wish I was... idk, a decent human? Normal, maybe? I think I'm a shitty friend too. Not just a shitty human. A shitty friend. Which is even worse. But anyway. I'm a shitty friend. When my friends have issues, I never know what to say. I never know the right advice to give. I always feel like a hypocrite. But I can't tell them to hide under their beds and wait for it to go away. They wouldn't do it anyway. That's just me. I don't know. I just really don't know.

Joshua Radin has an amazing ability to make everything beautiful. Put his music in the background of anything. It never fails. Listen to What If You and Star Mile. So there's nothing big happening, but it feels like there is. It's a strange feeling. On myspace, I found this folk singer from Austrailia. He randomly messaged me a little while ago in response to a bulliten I posted about a local band (that I adored btw) that broke up. "Would it make you feel better if I wrote you a song?" ...Awwwwwwww, Right? Well no. I found it confusing. I shouldn't be thinking so much about this, but that's my specialty. Overthinking. I see this in a few ways. First, it was almost a let down. If someone were to write a song for me, I'd want them to really know me. The way I invision it, the song would be about the things he sees in me that others, or maybe even I, don't see. My habits that he finds cute. Or annoying. Or funny. Or wierd. ANYTHING. This Dante guy can't do that. Next, I was like "So what am I, fan #576? How many other girls on his friends list has gotten 'their own song'?" I'm so far from good with being one in a crowd. I've had far to many people (I'm clearly only talking about guys. I just feel too immature/petty/ridiculous saying that hahaha) say pretty things to me that they are really saying to 4,000 other girls. This little situation means nothing to me. It's what it represents in my life that's bothering me. I just want to be someone's only one. I saw a boy the other day. He was an old friend. An old best friend, and an old boyfriend. I wish he was still a best friend. I wish he was still a boyfriend. Sure, we were together when we were too young for it to even count. Sure, it was a long time ago. But no matter what, I'll always wish I still had him. The epitomy of boy next door. The only one my parents ever liked. Loved, actually. They still ask about him. After all the boys after him, he still sticks out in my mind as the sweetest. The only one who meant what he said. I'm still friends with him, and we've occasionally found ourselves flirting. But it's nothing like how it used to be. My one wish is to have a second chance with him. My one do-over would be to stay with him. The one thing I want right now is to sit and talk with him. Catch up. Get an idea of how he feels about this. About me. I'm rambling. But no matter what, I'll always miss him. And he'll always be in the back of my mind. I wonder if I'm ever on his. Oh for fuck's sake. I'm crying.

1. Choose a band/artist and answer ONLY in titles of their songs: Ludo 2. Are you male or female: Laundry Girl 3. Describe yourself: Hello, My Name Is Your TV 4. How do some people feel about you: Saturday Night Thunderbolt 5. How do you feel about yourself: Broken Bride 6. Describe your ex boyfriend/girlfriend: Scream, Scream, Scream 7. Describe a boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse: The Horror Of Our Love 8. Describe where you want to be: In Space 9. Describe how you live: Drunken Lament 10. Describe how you love: Love Me Dead 11. What would you ask for if you had just one wish: Save Our City 12. Share a few words of Wisdom: Tonight's The Night 13. Now say goodbye: Such As It Ends I completely forgot to mention that I met 3/5 of Ludo at Warped. I met Andrew Volpe right after their set - he led an idiot parade to their merch tent, complete with a band leader's hat and a boombox blaring marching band music. Later, I saw Tim Convy and Tim Ferrell just walking around. I chased them down and confessed my undying love. Convy laughed, shook my hand and introduced himself formally. They both thanked me profusely for my support, and then signed my poster. Amazing dudes. All three of them. I love them so much more because of how cool they were. Most def seeing them, and meeting them again. Night

ForeverInMotion www.myspace.com/foreverinmotion I don't even want to try to describe it. It's something so beautiful, you don't even want to touch it. I started recounting every detail of my morning. Every feeling I felt. But I couldn't do it. As sad as I am to say, the feelings are already gone. My words felt lame typed out. Just believe me when I say that the world is a blindingly beautiful place at 5:00am. Beautiful enough to bring tears to your eyes.

Warped '08 in Englishtown overall = EPIC FAIL But certain bands were fucking flawless. One of those being Evergreen Terrace, whom opened with Chaney Can't Quite Riff Like Helmet's Page Hamilton. I think you should download it. So much has changed since my last entry, it's NOT even funny. That boy Max? Also an epic fail. He was charming, we had really really cute nights. Kissed, then a few days later hooked up. Hung out alot, kept hooking up. But I never liked him really. It was always about him. Always talking at me, never to me. Always talking about himself. Idk, I just wanted to be wanted. But anyway, today at Warped me and Amber met up with him and Chris. Max was with another girl. Some slut. She wasn't even wearing a shirt. Ugh. So I ignored him, he did the same to me. We only stayed with them for a few minutes. Next time we saw Chris, Max and the girl were not with him. Didn't see Max again til we were leaving 8 hours later. This time, he was talking to two girls. As soon as they walked away, he came running over to me and wrapped me in a huge hug and nuzzled my neck. I was disgusted. Amber was pissed. She leaned over to Chris and goes, "Get that fucking slut off of Courtney." He kept trying to hold me and cuddle me. I kept getting away. The last thing I wanted was to kiss him. So I kept denying him. I pushed him off me, I dodged him, I ignored him when I saw his face on my shoulder out of the corner of my eye. I wanted nothing to do with him anymore. I'm fine with hooking up with someone and not being their girlfriend. I'm not fine with just being another notch in someone's belt. There IS a difference. The last thing I want to be to someone is "Just Monday." I didn't even say bye to him. I guess his monday's will be open from now on. Whatever man. I honestly don't care. I'm just sick of getting let down. I'm over it.

There are some songs that are just MEANT for long drives with a boy you like. Some boys are smart enough to play them. You Had Me At Hello - A Day To Remember Playing Favorites - The Starting Line Sunday Drive - The Early November (^even though this ones sad) So wanna hear a story? It's called Courtney's Night, Which Of Course Didn't Work Out How It Was Supposed To So Amber and I were supposed to go to the boardwalk at like 6, and Max and Chris (the kid she's with) would meet us there around 6:30 or so. We get there, and it's perfect out. Kinda foggy, and maybe a tad cool, but I'd rather that. Amber and I sat out by the water and stared out over it, getting ourselves excited about what would happen when the boys got there. We knew Chris would finally ask her out, since they've been 'together' for about a month. He wanted to do it on the jetti. Max apparantly wanted to hook up with me. That sounds skeezy... he'd just wanted to kiss me, ya know. Cuz we get along, and like each other I guess. We've only hung out like 3 times, but I was definately into him, so I was reeaaaally excited he was coming. But then, Amber gets a phone call from Chris. "Heeey, um Max has a meeting for work at 8 so we can't come to the boardwalk but me and him can come pick you guys up from there and we'll drop him at work and then get him after the meeting..." Basically, we were pissed. Everything was so perfect, and then just like that it wasn't. Ugh. But whatever. They got there and Max hugs and me goes "I'm sorrrryyyyy! I hate my job!" We hop in Chris's car. Amber and I trying our best to sulk in the back, Max and Chris making us laugh hysterically from the front. They both kept choosing reallly cute acoustic songs to blast. I almost peed my pants when I saw Max switch the song and heard the opening chords to You Had Me At Hello by A Day To Remember. It's one of my favorite songs. Sing that to me, and I'll be puddy in your hands. I gasped really loud when it came on and grabbed Amber's arm. "My song!" I whispered to her. Max saw me. He tried to hide his smile and turned it up a little. I sang it to myself, losing myself in the softness of Max and Chris's voices. I glanced over at Amber and saw that Chris was reaching back from the driver's seat with one hand and toying with Amber's fingers. Every once in a while he'd turn and sing to her, or mouth something to her. She told me later he was telling her he loved her. I leaned my head against the window, but didn't let my eyes leave Max completely. Every few lines, he'd sneak a look at me. I couldn't help but smile. Unfortunately, Circut City was a lot closer than I thought. And his meeting was a lot longer than EVERYONE thought. I spent the next to hours driving around with the cutest couple in existence. Seriously. They're perfect together. I can't even describe it. They just always have so much... FUN. But it wasn't awkward. Amber's my best friend, and Chris has made himself my new best friend. He's probably one of the funniest people alive. With Chris, you always feel welcome. So it was fun, but inevitably lonely. The backseat is a big empty place when you're the only one back there. By the time Max got out of his meeting, it was 10:00, and they had to go visit their friend who just got in a car accident. Car ride home was nice - we were talking, laughing, a little bit of cuddling. When we pulled up to Amber's house, Chris kicked Max and I out of the car because he needed to talk to Amber. They drove away a little bit, leaving Max and I alone. We laughed and what not. Then we looked over to the car and Max goes "Are they still making out?" I laughed and nodded. Then it got really wierd. He goes, "Yeah, I'd ask you to, but..." So I was like, "...but?" He looked off towards the car and scratched his head. Then he said, "Well, you're 16. My little brother's 16. It's... idk it's wierd!... It couldn't happen, ya know?" I looked down. "Oh, hah yeah true..." I wasn't even hurt by this. Just extremely comfused. I had no idea what any of it even meant. Especially when he looked away and said, "Or maybe it could..." I looked up at him, even more confused. He smiled and said some witty funny comment that sparked another one of our funny conversations. I forgot about what had just happened for the time being. Until I got back to my house. I really have no idea what he meant. I'm hanging out with him on Friday, I think. Maybe I'll figure it out then. Amber's convinced he likes me. He's a nice boy. I hope she's right... Boys, we are SO not the confusing ones. It's allllll you.

So today was the annual 4th of July party at Alyssa's. My family goes every year. Only everything was different. I mean slowly, it's been less and less enjoyable. All us kids are growing apart. We all changed. It's forced now. I miss the old days. But I don't want to talk about the old days. We did that enough at the party. Sometimes, nostalgia can be a royal bitch. But I'm really bored. I feel like typing. And listening to music. So I'm doing this little quizzy thing, which incorporates both. Such luck I have. Song #1: Mutt by Blink 182 Your favorite lyric from this song: "He took the seat off his own bike because the way that it felt. He wants to bone, this I know, she is ready to blow. They go out every night His pants are super tight, oh yeah And they don't even care at all. She's open waiting for more And I know he's only looking to score And it is way to unhealthy Often, they typically Been starved for attention before" Does this song have any bad memories attached? Nope. Blink 182 makes me happy. What genre is this? Pop/Punk at its finest Song #2: A Song About Stars by Jason Castro What's the last line of this song? Yes she's gone, gone away. Have you ever seen this artist live? Awww, no. I wanna though. What does this song make you think of? Someone :X Song #3: They Looked Like Strong Hands by Bayside What's the first line of this song? This isn't who I am Where did you first hear this song? On their acoustic cd How about the first time you heard the artist? Oh jeeeez. A long time ago, when I got a Victory Records sampler EP from somewhere. Or it might have been when they still had VictorTV on Fuse on Sunday mornings. Man, that was the best. Song #4: Faggot by Mindless Self Indulgence Which friend could this be a theme tune for and why? I don't wanna name her name. But this is what she does. Minus the whole 'being a gay guy' thing. Write down the chorus: Dig me now, fuck me later Sing it to the tune of FAGGOT FAGGOT FAGGOT! Dig me now, fuck me later And sing it like that I've been denied all the best ultra sex I've been denied all the best ultra sex Why do you like this song? I love Mindless Self Indulgence. All of their songs have amazing beats and humorously insulting and mocking lyrics. This song is no exception. Song #5: Flying At Tree Level by Brand New What kind of film would you choose this as the theme for? A 'Can't Hardly Wait'-esque teen drama. Who introduced you to this artist? Nichole, most likely. Best part of this song: Jesse's voice. It makes the song so much more affective. Song #6: Burn by Alkaline Trio The fourth line reads: We toss and turn, sleep so loud How long is this song? 4:09 Is it one of your favourites? It's def up there Song #7: Lights On by The Pierces How long have you been listening to this artist? Few months. What's the cover look like on the album this came from? It's a pink background with a cute little cartoony drawing of Allison and Catherine. Behind them there's all those furry dandelions that you make wishes on. Under them it says The Pierces and under that theres a black and white striped snake. All the art is in black and white. Oh, and above all of this, it says 'Thirteen Tales Of Love And Revenge' What's this song about? I think it's about a man seducing a woman by saying whatever is necessary, and the power he has over her once he succeeds. Has your favourite song come up? Not quite. Mmmm, I get to see him on Sunday. I wish it was Sunday now. He's so beautiful, and he's interested in me. God, I'd give anything to have him wrap his arms around me again right now. Whoa, I don't know where that came from. I didn't even realize I was thinking about him. Ummmm, okay I'm going to sleep. It's 2:40 in the morning. I have to wake up at 7:00. Time management is not one of my best qualities.

Wanna hear a haunting song? The Dance by Charlotte Martin. Its already made me cry once tonight. Yeah, tonight was fucking wierd. Extremely. I'm too emotionally exhausted to even recount it. I would do it all again tomorrow, though. I actually think I am. If not tomorrow, some time this week. I'll just make a few minor changes. Like not being such a pussy. Like not stressing so hard. Like making my feelings clear. Because he likes me. I know it. I can feel it. And it's really reallllly nice to feel that again. I missed that feeling. A lot more than I thought I did. Man, he's goodlooking. I like hanging out with them. Cruisin'. Singing. Not knowing where we'll end up. Usually not ending up anywhere. Usually ending up in the most amazing places. It's nice. Real nice. Try it. Asap. G'night.

Lately, I've been listening to a lot of Folk-y Indie stuff. I happened to stumble upon a song called Baby's Romance by Chris Garneau while watching the show 'So You Think You Can Dance'. I was captivated by both the dance and the song, so I downloaded it. Well, it just went on from there. I am completely in love with his music. The music on his album 'Music For Tourists' has been described as 'music for still mornings and quiet evenings'. That's exactly what it is. His music is... ugh idk my words won't even do it justice. Seriously. But I've been listening to him non-stop. I can't get enough. So all of that brings me to my reccommending the entire album 'Music For Tourists'. My personal favorites are 'Sad News', 'Relief', 'Baby's Romance', 'Not Nice', and 'Saturday'. Listen to it when you're alone. Listen to it to the sunrise. Trust me, it's absolutely exquisite. I guess that rant works out well, considering what AllChokedUp just posted, and considering the fact I really have nothing else to say. So I'll continue speaking to AllChokedUp... I also would stick myself to two or so bands. Mine also happened to be Brand New and Say Anything. As well as Bayside. Now, I can't sit through a full song of theirs. Not that I don't like them anymore, because that is definately not the case. It's just that I'm so severely craving a change. I've said it before on here - I want to start anew. I want to discover new music, art, people, places... anything. I want to dip my hands into a bunch of different things. What better way to start than with music? The one thing I hold nearest and dearest to my heart. I'm expanding my music taste farther than ever before, and never really find myself saying 'I hate this band/singer/music' I like it. But yeah, AllChokedUp, I know what you mean and how you feel. So for right now, I suggest Chris Garneau, but I also have reccommendations in almost all my entries. Help yourself. I hope he/she actually reads this. Otherwise, this was just incredibly pointless. But what do I post that ISN'T?