Bayside is an incredible band. Download "A Rite Of Passage" and "They're Not Horses, They're Unicorns." Anyway. It seems to be another one of those nights. Where I'm picking myself to pieces. And I shouldn't be! I'm just completely done with everything. Honestly, I am physically, mentally, and emotionally exhausted. I've never felt so run down. Everything is sluggish and painful. I'm touchy. I'm irritable. I'm moody. I'm angry and cranky. I want to get away! Where the fuck is summer? I need to more than ever. My yearly deep-inside-my-gut ache is back. My insane restlessness. Yeah, restlessness. That's what it is. I so badly need to break this routine. I need three months of chaos and freedom and spontanuity. That is spelled so wrong, and I don't even care. I totally didn't sign on here to rant. I just wanted to get my mind away from this by posting the bands that are going to my Warped. The Englishtown, NJ one. Because I have nothing better to do. I'm putting all of them that are coming here, bolding who I want to see, and italicizing the maybe's. Enjoy. July 28, 2008. Raceway Park. Englishtown, NJ. - 3OH!3 - Against Me! - The Aggrolites - The Academy Is... - The A.K.A's - Alamance - The Audition - Alesana - All That Remains - All Time Low - Anberlin - Angels and Airwaves - Be Your Own Pet - Beat Union - Between The Trees - Blasé Debris - The Briggs - Bring Me The Horizon - Broadway Calls - The Bronx - Buffalo Casket - Charlotte Sometimes - Classic Crime - Cobra Starship - The Color Fred - Confide - Danger Radio - Dead Legend - Drive A - The Devil Wears Prada - The Disco Ensemble - Does It Offend You - Dr. Manhattan - Evergreen Terrace - Every Time I Die - The Fabulous Rudies - Family Force 5 - Fear Nuttin' Band - Forever The Sickest Kids - Four Year Strong - From First To Last - Gil Mantera's Party Dream - Greeley Estates - Gym Class Heroes - Horrorpops - The Human Abstract - Katy Perry - The Lordz - Ludo - Mayday Parade - MC Chris - The Morning Light - Norma Jean - ORESKABAND - Pennywise - Pierce The Veil - The Pinker Tones - Protest The Hero - Pull The Pin - The Randies - The Recovering - Reel Big Fish - Relient K - Revolution Mother - The Saint Alvia Cartel - Say Anything - Set Your Goals - Shwayze - Single File - Sky Eats Airplane - Steven Steadham/Citizen X - Street Drum Corps presents BANG! - Story Of The Year - Street Dogs - We The Kings Decent. Not awesome, but not terrible. I'm just bummed Stick To Your Guns isn't coming to us. Same with A Day To Remember. And Jack's Mannequin! Lmfao. Where else would you hear those bands in the same sentence. I have the most random music taste. But back to the lineup. It could be stronger. But Warped is always ridiculously fun. I'm not worried. FIN!

INSTRUCTIONS 1. Put your music player on shuffle. 2. Press forward for each question. 3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense. HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? This Ruined Puzzle. [Sorta.] WHAT'S YOUR OUTLOOK ON LIFE? One Twenty. [Makes no sense.] WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? Honor. [Aw, good.] WHAT DO STRANGERS THINK OF YOU? Los Angeles Is Burning. [Nope.] WHAT DO YOUR EX'S THINK OF YOU? Slowly, Through A Vector. [No.] HOW IS YOUR LOVE LIFE? What A Day For A Daydream. [Basically.] HOW WILL YOUR LOVE LIFE BE IN THE FUTURE? You Should Have Killed Me When You Had The Chance. [Oh, lovely. Good things to look forward to I suppose.] WILL YOU GET MARRIED? When Soul Meets Body. [Cute.] WILL YOU HAVE KIDS? Gata Negro. [Oh, true...] ARE YOU GOOD AT SCHOOL? Colorblind. [No, though.] WILL YOU BE SUCCESSFUL IN LIFE? South. [So, no?] WHAT SONG SHOULD THEY PLAY ON YOUR BIRTHDAY? Divine Intervention. [No.] THE SOUNDTRACK OF YOUR LIFE: Notorious Thugs. [Hahahahahahahaha, yes!] YOU AND YOUR BEST FRIEND ARE: Whose Authority. [Haha, yeah we're total badasses.] WHAT DOES NEXT YEAR HAVE IN STORE FOR ME? Megan. [Lmao, good! I love her!] WHAT DO I SAY WHEN LIFE GETS TOO HARD? You're The Wanker, If Anyone Is. [Ahaha, absolutley.] WHAT SONG WILL I DANCE TO AT MY WEDDING? Hallelujah. [But that's such a sad song!] WHAT DO YOU WANT AS A CAREER? One Day Women Will All Become Monsters. [Clearly, I'll be a monster.] YOUR FAVOURITE SAYING? Alive With The Glory Of Love. [How sweet.] HOW WILL I DIE? Masterpiece. [Sounds epic.] THE SONG THAT YOU'LL HAVE AS THE TITLE? The Kids Don't Stand A Chance. Stfu, I happen to like these. Quick Update - I'm happy. However, my family is disintegrating. My crush is frustrating and confusing. [Aren't they all, though?] Besides that, I'm doing well. And I can say that with confidence. If anything seriously life changing happens, I'll come back and tell you.

So I'm not as bad off as I was last night. But I'm far from good. I just need out of school. Things are always better in the summer. Changing the subject, though. I took that Color Quiz that everyone's been raving out. And yeah, it really is accurate. Your Existing Situation Working to improve her image in the eyes of others in order to obtain their compliance and agreement with her needs and wishes. Your Sress Sources Resists any form of pressure from others and insists on her independence as an individual. Wants to make up her own mind without interference, to draw her own conclusions and arrive at her own decisions. Detests uniformity and mediocrity. As she wants to be regarded as one who gives authoritative opinions, she'll find it difficult to admit to being wrong, while at times she is reluctant to accept or understand another's point of view. Your Restrained Characteristics Demanding and particular in her relations or those close to her. Be careful to avoid open conflict since this might reduce her prospects of realizing her hopes and ideas. Circumstances are restrictive and hampering, forcing her to forgo all joys and pleasures for the time being. Your Desired Objective Needs a peaceful environment. Wants release from stress and freedom from conflicts or disagreement. Takes pain to control the situation and its problems by proceeding cautiously. Has sensitivity of feeling and a fine eye for detail. Your Actual Problem Wants to be valued and respected, and seeks this from a close and peaceful association of mutual esteem. That's seriously ALL 100% correct. Especially my actual problem, desired objective, and stress sources. Wierddddd. But anyway. I'm sick of everything and everyone. I just want to cry every morning because I dread having to go to school and deal with everybody. I'm sick of my friends, I'm sick of my school, I'm sick of my teachers, I'm sick of homework, I'm sick of notes, I'm sick of classwork, I'm sick of lacrosse. I'm just sick of everything. I don't know what to do. 30 days of school left. Thirty. Three zero. That's all I have to get through. Too bad I honestly doubt the fact that I'll make it.

But hey, hey I've got things to say. I've lost control of life. I'm crying. I'm crying hard because I don't know what else to do. I'm shaking. I'm breaking down completely. It was only a matter of time. Keep so much in, you eventually combust. This is me combusting. I'm not me anymore. This isn't Courtney. She was back, briefly. She stopped by last weekend. Courtney's a fucking tease though - she was long gone by Monday morning. She's never here to stay. Because that would make things easy. That would make things happy and comfortable and good. Clearly, "good" is never allowed. "Comfortable" is out of the question. And Happiness? An illusion. Raise your hand if you're happy. If you're raising your hand, you're lying. I'm just so angry. And frustrated. And lonely. And dissappointed. And a million other things. I wish I could split open my skull and pick apart my brain. I want to know what is going on up there. Because it sure as hell isn't making any sense from here. I want to write well again. Everything I write is cliche. Dry. Mediocre, at best. I always hate it. It means nothing if I can't like it. I used to be able to pump out story after story, poem after poem. Now, it's so hard for me. I'm so uninspired, so uninspiring. I want to write that one amazing peice. The one that changes lives. The one that makes you laugh and cry. That leaves you speechless. Instead, I'm writing about the same thing every time. I'm writing about the people I hate. I'm writing about the people that disgust me. The ones I see everyday. I'm writing about who I really want to be. Usually, it's all the same person. And usually, it's one of my friends. It's all in my head. The story. I feel it. I feel it right now. I just don't know how to put it in to words. Notice I'm doing all I can not to go into detail about why I'm crying. Maybe that's my big story. Me. My endless string of thoughts and concerns. My thousands of story plots. My twisting, twisted mind. Maybe if I can get that on paper, I can get my story. But maybe not. I'm sitting in silence. I never have silence. My iPod got completely deleted tonight. My downstairs computer clearly doesn't like my music. I'm pretty upset about it. So, now what? I go about my days in silence? I've never been able to. Silence is painfully loud. And lonely. And nights like these, in silence? They're dangerous. It's nights like these - when there's nothing to listen to but my pounding heart, shallow breathing, and racing mind - that sometimes help the razor find the wrist. Nights like these can make you go insane. I find myself saying "I don't care. I don't know." to a lot lately. Don't let me become apathetic too. I read Quit_Lollygagging's journal. She's a brilliant writer. I hope it's a she. Otherwise, I'll feel pretty stupid. Regardless, it was refreshing. Someone who's actually different and interesting. Kudos. I should email them and tell them. Don't know if she'll care. Don't know if I'll have the guts to actually do it. It feels nice to talk about someone other than me and my issues. Maybe I'm living in my head too much. But maybe I'm not. I think I need sleep. I never can sleep anymore. I should try right now. I'm sorry this is so long. If you actually read this, and you ever feel like talking, email me xbeatLOVEdown@aim.com I'm looking for someone new and refreshing to take me away from my life. Even if it's only for a minute. I desperately need a change. I don't think I'll make it out alive at this rate.

So I went to Best Buy with my mom to look at cameras. I made a detour to the cd section, naturally. Right to "S". I was looking specifically for the new Say Anything cd - In Defense Of The Genre. Well, I found it. And bought it. 27 songs for $12.99. For serious? I was so surprised. Anyway. Point of this entry. The cd... it's... well, it's... It's Fucking Brilliant. Max Bemis is one of the most talented writers and preformers around right now. He has the most interesting mind. While the subject matter of the songs remains more or less the same as the old stuff [sex, drugs, alcohol, etc etc] it is INCREDIBLE no less. The imagery. The metaphors. The language. The rawness and honesty of it all. So straight forward. So emotionally driven. It's unadulterated anger. Frustration. Spite. Hurt. Sexual desire. Max is a genius. I can't put it any other way. His mind is so beautifully twisted. I mean, with him being bipolar and a [ex?]substance abuser, there's endless dark corners for him to crawl into in his mind. And they're all laid out for me to listen to. And i'm nearly pissing my pants over how much i love it. Not to mention, they have SO many of today's amazing singers lending their voices to a track here and there. Anthony Raneri, Haylie Williams, Chris Carabba, Aaron Gillespie, Chris Conely, Kenny Vasoli, Anthony Green, Matt Skiba, Adam Lazzara, Fred Mascherino, Chad Gilbert, Jordan Pundik, Gerard Way... Just to name a few. I CANNNNNNNOT wait until Warped Tour this year. I haven't seen them live since Bamboozle 2007. Omg, I seriously can't get over this fucking album. Go buy it. Please. Listen to it alone in your room. Get inside Max's head with me. You won't fucking regret this. Say Anything officially owns my fucking soul.

How pathetic am I? I'm back, and with another survey in tow. I seriously hate sundays ahahha. Nothing monumentally important has happened since I last posted. Especially since it was only a few hours ago. Alright, let's make this quick. Maybe if I do it really fast, I won't have time to realize how badly I need a life! 1. Who did you last shoot a dirty look at? That would be the mother. 2. What kind of car do you drive? ...The invisible kind? 3. Have you ever had a garage sale? No, but I always wanted to have one. 4. What color is your iPod? Hot pink. But I really need one that holds more than 1,000 songs D: 5. What kind of dog do you have? A very overweight Cairn Terrier named Cobe. We watch TV together all the time. 6. What's for dinner tonight? Some gross chicken stuff and rice and a salad. My parents are dieting, therefore we ALL have to suffer. 7. What is the last drink you drank? Milk. 8. Last time you were sick? Uhhhh, right now. 9. How long is your hair? About shoulder length. 10. Are you happy right now? I guess. I'm just kinda... blah. 11. What did you say last? "Ooooo love me dead!" ...I was singing Ludo. 12. Who came over last? Choliee! 13. Do you drink beer? Oh, you meen urine in a bottle? No. No I do not. 14. Have your brothers or sisters ever told you that you were adopted? Yes. He's 19, and he still does it. He's obviously REALLY, REALLY clever. 15. What is your favorite key chain on your keys? I'll letcha know when I actually have keys. 16. What is in your pocket? Lint. 17. Who introduced you to your boyfriend or girlfriend? Livin' the $!ngL3 L!f3. 18. Who is the last person you had a phone conversation with? Mom. Or Nikki. 19. What DVD is in your DVD player? Juno! 20. What's something fun you did today? Sat on my bedroom floor and sang along to Bayside songs really loudly. Alone. OMG, SO FUN!#$%^& ...joking. It was pretty lame actually. 21. What do you think of when you hear the word "meow"? Gary from Spongebob. 22. What are you listening to right now? Don't Call Me Peanut by Bayside 23. What have you had to drink so far today? Gatorade, Orange Soda, Lemonade, Milk. 24. When is your birthday? May 11th 25. What's the area code for your cell phone? 908 26. Where did you buy the shirt you're wearing now? The Ferret Music tent at Bamboozle last night. 27. Is there anything hanging from your rear view mirror? I think that's illegal in Jersey. 28. How many states in the U.S. have you been to? Four - New York, Pennsylvania, Virginia, Texas Five, if you count New Jersey. 29. What are you going to do after this? Sleep. Or math homework. Probably sleep though haha. 30. What is something you need to go shopping for? Shorts. 31. Do you like pickles? Dill only please! 32. How about olives? Yes, omg. 33. What is your favorite kind of gum? Orbit. 34. Do you have any tan lines? Ugh, yes. My legs are only tan from my ankle to halfway up my thigh. My arms are only tan from my shoulder to my hand. And there's a ring around my neck from my shirt. GOTTA LOVE LACROSSE. 35. Do you remember the name of your kindergarten teacher? Miss Finklestein! 36. Who was the last person to call you baby? Dunno... 37. When you're at the grocery store do you used the self checkout? YES! I love it. 38. Has anyone ever sang to you? Does Applebee's count? 39. Has anyone ever given you roses? No. 40. If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive? Hells yeah! I used to go camping with my brothers boy scout troop almost every weekend when I was little. And now I go camping all the time (: 41. What is your favorite color? Army Green. 42. What color are your eyes? Lightish Redish Brown. 43. What is a compliment you receive way too often? "You're so cute!" Simply because I'm tiny. 44. How tall are you? A whopping 5 foot NUTHIN. 45. Who was the last person to say they loved you and when? Probably Amber yesterday. 46. Do you like your parents? Daddy, yeah. Mommy is a whole diffferent story :/ 47. Why did your last relationship end? He was controlling as hell. And moody. And exhausting. 48. Who was the last person you said you loved on the phone? No clue. 49. Where is the furthest place you've traveled? Texas 50. Which do you prefer, to eat or sleep? Eat, for sure. 51. Do you look more like your mom or your dad? I don't know. I look like my grandma, but I don't know about my parents. 52. How long does it take you to shower? Around 20 minutes, give or take. 53. Can you do splits? Not anymore :( 54. Can you use the grill? Yeah! 55. Are you flexible? Somewhat. 56. What movie do you want to see? The Orphange. And The Strangers. And a few others. 57. What did you on New Years Eve 2007? Partied like it was 2008. Oh wait... 58. Was your mom a cheerleader? Nooooo. 59. What is the last letter of your middle name? H. 60. How many hours of sleep did you get last night? Six or Seven. 61, Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? Most times. 62. Are you scared of flying? Nope! 63. What do you sleep in? Tshirt and shorts. Or sports bra and shorts. 64. Do you have any tattoos? No, but I want some so badly. 65. Have you ever been to Los Angeles? No. 66. What jewelry do you wear all the time? I have a few necklaces I wear a lot, but I usually forget. 67. What is your favorite song at the moment? Heartless by A Day To Remember. Or Landing Feet First by Bayside. Or Don't Call Me Peanut by Bayside. OR (Last one, I swear) Love Me Dead by Ludo. Listen to them all, pronto. 68. What song do you HATE? Anything by Metro Station. 69. Do you like chocolate? A little too much. 70. Are you easy to get along with? Usually. 71. Any up coming events you're excited about? My birthday! One week exactly! Well, that was thoroughly fulfilling. Hokay, Goodnight Loves.

Bamboozle '08 was ace. (: I was freakin' beat this morning though. And OF COURSE, I had a 930 soccer game in East Windsor. Which is like an hour away. Looooooovely. Anyway, I should be doing math. But I've been in this awesome mood lately. Things have been going really, really well. compared to April, May is treating me wonderfully. Even if it has only been 4 days. I'm just praying it sticks. Well, I'm bored. And so not in the mindset to be doing math homework. So here's another suuuurv! Song #1: Capital H - Motion City Soundtrack Your favorite lyric from this song: Singin' songs from the balcony as the city crumbles under the power of an evil doctor rocket scientist monster with capabilities to destroy the entire universe, yo. Does this song have any bad memories attached? Nope. The opposite, actually. Reminds me of Summer 2004. Good, gooooooood times. When things were easy and carefree and when I was happy all the time. What genre is this? Pop/Punk, I guess. Song #2: Play Crack The Sky - Brand New What's the last line of this song? This is the end. Have you ever seen this artist live? Yeah. Bamboozle07. Who does this song make you think of? My life, a few months ago. It's pretty depressing song. Song #3: The Places You Have Come To Fear The Most - Dashboard Confessional What's the first line of this song? Buried deep as you can dig inside yourself. Where did you first hear this song? I read about the album that it's on in the book 'Nothing Feels Good: Punk Rock, Teenagers, and Emo' by Andy Greenwald (Amazing book) and downloaded the entire cd. It is beautiful. Every single song twists my stomach into knots. How about the first time you heard the artist? Oh jeez, I don't even know. Probably on my friend Nichole's sister's ipod a really long time ago. Song #4: Ghost Man on Third - Taking Back Sunday Which friend could this be a theme tune for and why? Hm. Probably my friend Sarah and her ex-girlfriend Jen. It reminds me of their relationship. Actually, alot of early Taking Back Sunday songs remind me of them. Destruction, Chaos, Teenagers, the like. Write down the chorus: It's a campaign of destruction, and a revisionist history, oh. It's a shame, I don't think that they'll notice. It's a shame, I'll doubt they even care. No one is to know about this. It's a shame, I don't think that they'll notice. It's a shame, I'll doubt they even care. No one has to know about this. Don't let me down. Why do you like this song? I love the raw sound of TBS's first and second album. Their songs are so relevant to teenage life. Song #5: Sugar Skulls - Envy on the Coast What kind of film would you choose this as the theme for? Some sort of R-rated hitman movie, with a fair share of sex and comedy. It makes me think of the movie Domino, basically. Who introduced you to this artist? AP Magazine, I believe. Best part of this song: Ryan's sexy, sexy voice ;) Song #6: Not The Sun - Brand New The fourth line reads: I won't be the stray coming back just to be fed. How long is this song? 3 minutes, 9 seconds. Is it one of your favourites? On this album, yeah. In general, ...eh. Song #7: Salty Eyes - The Matches How long have you been listening to this artist? Since Summer 04, when their song Audio Blood was on the Warped Tour 2004 Compilation. What's the cover look like on the album this came from? It's this really creepy crow hunched over. Its eye is a huge blue button. Like a shirt button. And in the eye, in white scratchy writing, it says The Matches, and along the bottom of the cover, using the crow's feet as the m and the second e, it says Decomposer in black in the same scratchy font. Oh, and the background is red. What's this song about? Music. It's about finding comfort in songs. Finding hope. It's about not giving up on life, because even when you're alone, you always have your music. Like the song says, "When you belong to a song, salty eyes, you belong." The lyrics are absolutly beautiful and so empowering. Everybody has that song, or those songs, that keep you here. Coincidentally, Salty Eyes happens to be one of mine. Has your favourite song come up? I don't really have ONE favorite. Salty Eyes is definately one of my favorites. As is Play Crack the Sky. So yeah, I guess you can say my favorite came up. So it's back to school tomorrow. I might actually be looking forward to it? I don't know, we'll see how long this positive attitude lasts. For now, 'sall good (:

With Molly Connelly Again Yeah, i'm listening to say anything. ahahha. AND TODAYYYYY IS BAMBOOZLE

mmmkay so. i didn't go to school today. i'm sick. and hungry. and frustrated bc my gallows playlist just stopped working. oh and, despite my user name, my name is COURTNEY not curtney. i just couldn't fit all the letters. why am i bothering explaining that? idk. no one's gunna read this. that's fine though. i'm insanely bored. it's almost illegal. SOMEONE should talk to me. okay, that sounded alot more cryptic than it was supposed to. that wasn't hinting that i wanted a particular person to talk to me. just anyone in general. NO ONE'S AROUND. oh hey, the music just decided to randomly start playing again, and scare the shit out of me simultaneously. k well, i need another box of tisssues. and some dayquil. sinus infections. lovely.