nostalgiaaaaa! i'm listening to fall out boy's take this to your grave. i loved this cd. still do. i remember being so upset when from under the cork tree came out because it sucked so hard. well, i've been really well lately. i can't put it any simpler. i feel like i've finally found what i've been searching for these past few years. though, i still have no clue what it was. i just hope i don't lose it again. fact: i changed the title of this entry 600 times because this album has such good lines hahahaha

i finished reading rant by chuck palahniuk fucking a, that man can write

so bored, like him lots, still confused pz. Song #1: this conversation is over by alesana Your favorite lyric from this song: i can't seem to believe that you ever cared for me Does this song have any bad memories attached? yeah. What genre is this? a sad excuse for hardcore? haha this is the only alesana song i actually like to be honest. Song #2: into the night by say anything What's the last line of this song? i will not watch his hands as they deftly pull you away into the night, into the night. Have you ever seen this artist live? yes, and they're amazing. Who does this song make you think of? too many sucky situations with boys i couldn't get over. Song #3: jersey girl by bruce springsteen What's the first line of this song? i got no time for the corner boys Where did you first hear this song? i don't even know. it was prob on the boardwalk during some summer in my life. because it plays at the boardwalk EVERY summer. "cuz down the shore, everything's all right" i mean, i LIVE in jersey. How about the first time you heard the artist? shit, idk. its bruce! Song #4: figure .09 by linkin part Which friend could this be a theme tune for and why? hm, idk i don't think it fits any of them actually. Write down the chorus: and now you've become a part of me you'll always be right here you've become a part of me you'll always be my fear i can't seperate myself from what i've done giving up a part of me, i've let myself become you (never goes away, never goes away) Why do you like this song? it's by linkin park. chester has the perfect amount of anger, and mike is just awesome. Song #5: everyone nose (all the girls standing in a line for the bathroom) by n.e.r.d. What kind of film would you choose this as the theme for? hahaha god, some stupid comedy where the overweight-and-hopelessly-white main character goes clubbing or something. Who introduced you to this artist? not sure. i love n.e.r.d. Best part of this song: the whole thing! especially the parody of it my friends and i wrote hahahaha. Song #6: franklin by paramore The fourth line reads: going back to get away after everything has changed How long is this song? 3:19 Is it one of your favourites? ummmm, nah, but it's really good. Song #7: read between the lines by dave melillo How long have you been listening to this artist? a few years now. What's the cover look like on the album this came from? it's not off an album. its some random demo that i am hopelessly in love with, im literally shaking right now. it happens every time i listen to this. What's this song about? being in love. the kinda of sweet gentle love that you can never find in real life. Has your favourite song come up? yessssssssssssssssss, read between the lines. and jersey girl. and into the night. seriously, listen to read between the lines. god, dave melillo is legit as helllll

so just when i think i'm beginning to accept the fact that he doesn't like me, he texts me 'just because'. i have no idea what to think. so far today, i've watched never been kissed and garden state. real life doesn't happen like this! ridiculous lies, transmitted daily. thank youuuuuu america. oh, yes sir, i'm a cynic in every sense of the word. mixed signals, you fucking assholes. make up your mind you piece of shit. you know i can't hate you. by the way, you have like 9 of my cds in your car. jackass, you know i can't hate you.

so four really good things, and one that may be bad, happened: 1. i went snowboarding with my amazing friends, and i fell in love with the sport, and even more in love with my friends. 2. BLINK 182 IS BACK. 3. TWO TONGUES ALBUM/NEW ADTR ALBUM CAME OUT. but i unfortunately only got two tongues. 4. i reconnected with amber, who for some reason i haven't talked to in a VERY long time. it went really well. 5. (and the thing that may spell disaster): i really, REALLY like him. a lot.

bayside, how do you always understand me? i haven't wanted to cut so badly in SO long. this is the scariest feeling ever. im SHAKING. i hate this. mainly because i KNOW i'm just being paranoid and that i'm overreacting. this is ridiculous. i cant turn this off. FUCK!

even if we did get a little bit too drunk. haha, asher roth. last night was exactly what i needed. i've never felt so good about myself in my liiiife. the boy i mentioned? the one i wasn't stressing? he's growing on me, and impressing me even more. and i'm STILL not stressing? haha waddafuxup. even if it is wierd that my brother is 20, he has amazing friends, and throws AMAZING parties. last night was the best night everrrrrrrrr and ugh i was so close to going out and smoking with my brother's friends [one of them being the one that i am in love with, and who everyone thinks loves me too] but as they were leaving and yelling at me to come with, my brother was like OH COURT YOU GOTTA COME SAY BYE TO EVERYONE! THEY'RE LEAVING/GOING TO SLEEP! by the time i finished that, the boys were gone and i couldn't get out of my house or find them hahaha. needless to say, they got a drunken lecture when they came back in. i was given a rain check though (; SO ANYWAY. my good spirits have been restored. more goood times are on the way, i think. live&love, baby.

oh, well it was only a matter of time. i don't even want to type out what's going on. it'll make me feel worse. i just feel like all at once, i've lost everyone. my best friends ugh, idk its not an enjoyable feeling. i guess the higher you get, the faster and harder you fall consider this my epic plummet.

snow days that turn into gross rainy slushy days make me bored. shuffle. song you're listening to right now: day old hate by city and colour [haha, as if i listen to anything else?] favorite song: awake by secondhand serenade [not quite] favorite singer/band: she and him (song: sweet darlin') [once again, not quite] favorite lyrics: hot hot hot! by buster poindexter [hahahaha, i put this on a mix for my friend, and completely forgot it was still on here. but no, these aren't my favorite lyrics. extremely close though...] meaningful lyrics: i'm not okay (i promise) [stfu, i will always love this album. not the most meaningful lyrics in the world, but not meaningless. yeah yanno.] stupid lyrics: daydreaming by lupe fiasco [noooo! i love lupe!] boring lyrics: #1 crush by garbage [a little bit, just because they're a bit repetitive. i love shirley manson and her slow sexy voice though. she can do no wrong, and i would gladly go gay for her (: hahahaha] great song title: clothes off! by gym class heroes [hahaha, yeah i'd say its pretty great] stupid song title: dicks are for my friends by mindless self indulgence [def not! hahahaha msi is fucking hilarious] overrated song: millstone by brand new [nooooo, def more underrated.] rightly rated song: the circus that has brought us back to these nights (yo chocola) by the fall of troy [hell no, the band itself is underrated] underrated song: belt by say anything [yeah, pretty much] underrated singer/band: paramore (song: when it rains) [WHA!? no. highly OVERrated.] overrated singer/band: fakin' it by simon & garfunkel [hellllll no, they're amazing] this singer/band doesn't belong on the face of the earth: jason mraz (song: wordplay) [noooo! no no no! i love him] song to sing to: just dance by lady gaga [most defff, as well as to dance to] song to dance to: people like you are why people like me exist by say anything [yeah, this is pretty danceable] song to play to: boring by the pierces [well, i can't play anything. plus, the instrumentals on this song are simple and slow. it's a good song to sing and/or dance to though] i can sing this song in my sleep: pop-punk is sooooo '05 by cobra starship [not quite. mostly though] this song is cool: we intertwined by the hush sound [wtf is "cool"?] this song is funny: got your money (cover) by say anything [ahhhhhh ahahhaa yes its hysterical. max beeeeemiiis

joshua radin, you are phenomenal. i've been well, in case you were wondering. k that sounded sarcastic. but i really have been well! i've suddenly found myself in the most amazing crew of friends. we refer to ourselves as family. the question is never "wanna hang out tonight?". its "yo, what are we doing?" it's never "who do you wanna invite?" its "who can't make it?" or "who's picking the place this time?" i love it, and i love them. i have someone on my mind for the first time in so long. and i'm not even stressing over him. it's such a nice feeling. i feel like something huge is happening for me. and we've only just begun. live, love