CurtneyIsASuperher0's Journal

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  • [97] well i guess this is growing up

    by CurtneyIsASuperher0 on August 10, 2009
    so i did this survey on may 5th, 2008. i was fifteen. i wanna see how much my answers changed. so im leaving the then, and adding in the now. 1. Who did you last shoot a dirty look at? That would be the mother. ---> [now] pops 2. What kind of car do you drive? ...The invisible kind? ---> [now] bright red 2001 hyundai tiburon. my fucking baby [now] still no, but i don't really wanna. 4. What color is your iPod? Hot pink. But I really need one that holds more than 1,000 songs D: ---> [now] black. it holds 60,000 :) 5. What kind of dog do you have? A very overweight Cairn Terrier named Cobe. We watch TV together all the time. ---> [now] same 6. What's for dinner tonight? Some gross chicken stuff and rice and a salad. My parents are dieting, therefore we ALL have to suffer. ---> [now] idk, whatever i make myself. i'm the one on the diet now, so i fend for myself. my mom usually cooks healthy anyway though. 7. What is the last drink you drank? Milk. ---> [now] water 8. Last time you were sick? Uhhhh, right now. ---> [now] june 9. How long is your hair? About shoulder length. ---> [now] same 10. Are you happy right now? I guess. I'm just kinda... blah. ---> [now] yeah, but i'm tired 11. What did you say last? "Ooooo love me dead!" ...I was singing Ludo. ---> [now] i'm not sure. i'm in my room home alone, so idk what i last said outloud. 12. Who came over last? Choliee! ---> [now] babyboy 13. Do you drink beer? Oh, you meen urine in a bottle? No. No I do not. ---> [now] yes 14. Have your brothers or sisters ever told you that you were adopted? Yes. He's 19, and he still does it. He's obviously REALLY, REALLY clever. ---> [now] not anymore, me and james are really really close now 15. What is your favorite key chain on your keys? I'll letcha know when I actually have keys. ---> [now] its a little vw beetle with 'let it be' written on the back. my grandma gave it to me :) 16. What is in your pocket? Lint. ---> [now] wegmans reciept, a few dollars 17. Who introduced you to your boyfriend or girlfriend? Livin' the $!ngL3 L!f3. ---> [now] sarah 18. Who is the last person you had a phone conversation with? Mom. Or Nikki. ---> [now] mom 19. What DVD is in your DVD player? Juno! ---> [now] donnie darko 20. What's something fun you did today? Sat on my bedroom floor and sang along to Bayside songs really loudly. Alone. OMG, SO FUN!#$%^& ...joking. It was pretty lame actually. ---> [now] sex. ahaha. 21. What do you think of when you hear the word "meow"? Gary from Spongebob. ---> [now] jenna, from lacrosse [now] same 26. Where did you buy the shirt you're wearing now? The Ferret Music tent at Bamboozle last night. ---> [now] tilly's 27. Is there anything hanging from your rear view mirror? I think that's illegal in Jersey. ---> [now] clean linen airfreshener :) 28. How many states in the U.S. have you been to? Four - New York, Pennsylvania, Virginia, Texas Five, if you count New Jersey. ---> [now] still same 29. What are you going to do after this? Sleep. Or math homework. Probably sleep though haha. ---> [now] change and go swimming at luke's with nick and the boys 30. What is something you need to go shopping for? Shorts. ---> [now] school clothes :( 31. Do you like pickles? Dill only please! ---> [now] same 32. How about olives? Yes, omg. ---> [now] still same 33. What is your favorite kind of gum? Orbit. ---> [now] five 34. Do you have any tan lines? Ugh, yes. My legs are only tan from my ankle to halfway up my thigh. My arms are only tan from my shoulder to my hand. And there's a ring around my neck from my shirt. GOTTA LOVE LACROSSE. ---> [now] mhm, bathing suit ones 35. Do you remember the name of your kindergarten teacher? Miss Finklestein! ---> [now] same 36. Who was the last person to call you baby? Dunno... ---> [now] boyfriend 37. When you're at the grocery store do you used the self checkout? YES! I love it. ---> [now] not really, wegmans doesn't have one & that's where i go when i shop alone 38. Has anyone ever sang to you? Does Applebee's count? ---> [now] yup 39. Has anyone ever given you roses? No. ---> [now] same 40. If you were abandoned in the wilderness, would you survive? Hells yeah! I used to go camping with my brothers boy scout troop almost every weekend when I was little. And now I go camping all the time (: ---> [now] haha, yes. been there done that. don't camp when you're high, by the way. 41. What is your favorite color? Army Green. ---> [now] same, plus purple 42. What color are your eyes? Lightish Redish Brown. ---> [now] same 43. What is a compliment you receive way too often? "You're so cute!" Simply because I'm tiny. ---> [now] same 44. How tall are you? A whopping 5 foot NUTHIN. ---> [now] same 45. Who was the last person to say they loved you and when? Probably Amber yesterday. ---> [now] nick, when he was over earlier 46. Do you like your parents? Daddy, yeah. Mommy is a whole diffferent story :/ ---> [now] no 47. Why did your last relationship end? He was controlling as hell. And moody. And exhausting. ---> [now] he was a dick 48. Who was the last person you said you loved on the phone? No clue. ---> [now] nick 49. Where is the furthest place you've traveled? Texas ---> [now] same 50. Which do you prefer, to eat or sleep? Eat, for sure. ---> [now] sleep 51. Do you look more like your mom or your dad? I don't know. I look like my grandma, but I don't know about my parents. ---> [now] same 52. How long does it take you to shower? Around 20 minutes, give or take. ---> [now] 10-15 minutes 53. Can you do splits? Not anymore :( ---> [now] same 54. Can you use the grill? Yeah! ---> [now] yes, and i can cook hot dogs over an open fire hahaha 55. Are you flexible? Somewhat. ---> [now] yeah ;) hahahaha 56. What movie do you want to see? The Orphange. And The Strangers. And a few others. ---> [now] paper heart 57. What did you on New Years Eve 2007? Partied like it was 2008. Oh wait... ---> [now] well this new years me and nichole cooped our selves up in my empty house and drank like 2 bottles of vodka [now] she wishes 59. What is the last letter of your middle name? H. ---> [now] same 60. How many hours of sleep did you get last night? Six or Seven. ---> [now] like 4. same as errrr night 61, Do you wear your seatbelt in the car? Most times. ---> [now] yeah 62. Are you scared of flying? Nope! ---> [now] can't be too sure, i haven't flown in like 9 years 63. What do you sleep in? Tshirt and shorts. Or sports bra and shorts. ---> [now] boyshorts and a tee 64. Do you have any tattoos? No, but I want some so badly. ---> [now] nine months, one day til i cannnnnn! 65. Have you ever been to Los Angeles? No. ---> [now] nope 66. What jewelry do you wear all the time? I have a few necklaces I wear a lot, but I usually forget. ---> [now] my east meets west jewelry: peace bracelet, unity bracelet, no fear bracelet, and celtic weave necklace 67. What is your favorite song at the moment? Heartless by A Day To Remember. Or Landing Feet First by Bayside. Or Don't Call Me Peanut by Bayside. OR (Last one, I swear) Love Me Dead by Ludo. Listen to them all, pronto. ---> [now] i've rediscovered glassjaw. favorite = vermont connection. 68. What song do you HATE? Anything by Metro Station. ---> [now] everything on the radio. holy shit, i need a cd player for my car 69. Do you like chocolate? A little too much. ---> [now] eh 70. Are you easy to get along with? Usually. ---> [now] sometimes 71. Any up coming events you're excited about? My birthday! One week exactly! ---> [now] senior fucking year
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  • [96] three times alone this week, i was supposed to be a rock star

    by CurtneyIsASuperher0 on August 08, 2009
    i accidentally made my entire journal in italics i kinda like it i'm leaving it like this i'm doing this survey with just my recently added so there's probably gunna be a lot of glassjaw song #1: star above my bed by glassjaw your favorite lyric from this song: 'why can't i glow?' does this song have any bad memories attached? nope what genre is this? hardcore song #2: by your side by cocorosie what's the last line of this song? all i want with my life is to die a housewife, is to die a housewife have you ever seen this artist live? nope who does this song make you think of? no one really. this song creeps me out, i won't lie. its about taking any amount of abuse from a guy, just because you want to be with him forever. all she wants to do is die his housewife. she'll even "wear your black eyes" "i don't ask why, and i try not to cry" song #3: still by matt nathanson what's the first line of this song? i remember hearts that beat where did you first hear this song? pandora radio how about the first time you heard the artist? on z100 or some other station like that, playing come on get higher song #4: el mark by glassjaw which friend could this be a theme tune for and why? i can see this working for nick. dealing with his mental and emotional instabilities. dealing with his insecurity. dealing with the fact that he broke edge. write down the chorus: driving me crazy you're driving me, you're driving me driving me crazy you're driving me insane why do you like this song? its the epitome of glassjaw chaotic, strong, unforgiving song #5: piano by glassjaw what kind of film would you choose this as the theme for? something like subUrbia. where the title character has a complete meltdown based on his friends and himself. who introduced you to this artist? i don't even know best part of this song: daryl palumbo song #6: microphone by coconut records the fourth line reads: there's no where to park after it gets dark how long is this song? 2:52 is it one of your favourites? eh, no song #7: clark gable by the postal service how long have you been listening to this artist? a while what's the cover look like on the album this came from? its a corner of a window with sheer white drapes. you can also see the wooden footboard of a bed. what's this song about? the desperate need of proof that love is real, and the longing for a perfect movie screen love. has your favourite song come up? not really
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  • [95] stand up, fist out, this is the real thing!

    by CurtneyIsASuperher0 on August 08, 2009
    i've developed an enormous crush on my boyfriend's best friend. what song best represents my personality? sometimes (i wish) by city and colour yeah, that works what song will be played at my funeral? i am the walrus by the beatles i hope so. i want my funeral to be a celebration of my life. everyones drunk, everyones dancing. tell funny stories about me and laugh, don't scream and cry clinging to each other in your stiff ugly black suits will i ever love somebody? oxycodone by glassjaw doesn't fit at alllll will i be successful in life? and the sentence trails off... by the devil wears prada oooo, mysterious will i get married even if my love life is out of shape? here's your letter by blink 182 thats a no will anyone accept me for who i am? he don't know by the boy judas i'd take this as a yes. it's such a nice song :) how will i die? weekend warriors by a change of pace at this point, i wouldn't be surprised. it'd be so easy to drink dance and drug myself to death who will kill me? my life for hire by a day to remember nothing can fucking kill me niggaz! will i be a murderer myself? tessellate by tokyo police club aw, no this song is cute how has my life been so far? girls on trampolines by ludo ahahaha yo i WISH my life was that awesome what is my current obsession? try not to save me by two tongues amen what song best represents my friendship with others? my hero by foo fighters yeah, this kinda fits me. i put so many people on a pedestal. the littlest things in people impress me so much. i look up to people that might not even no exist. what is my ideal holiday destination? the red by chevelle not a place what is my sexuality? creep by radiohead HHAHHAHAHHAHA
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  • [94] wish that one day they'd figure out how to shrink stars and i could keep one in my bedroom

    by CurtneyIsASuperher0 on August 07, 2009
    so i wasn't pregnant false alarm, thanks for all the concern in other news turns out that the brand new concert i found out about also features fucking glassjaw maybe there is a god nick and i are ridiculously RIDICULOUSLY excited seeing as those two are both of our top 3 favorite bands so much shit is going on in my life and i'm numb to it all for real my dad might have cancer a few months ago he had a heart attack, and now he might have cancer i've yet to shed a tear for him he's been meaner than ever to me it's hard to cry for him when he makes me feel worse about myself than anyone i've ever known according to dear old dad i am: lazy stupid worthless wasteful selfish selfcentered a bitch heartless greedy an asshole pointless to this family a terrible person disappointing mean rude disrespectful dirty wasting my life going nowhere overdramatic the thing that ruins his day almost every morning the cause of stress/anger/etc in the house the reason there are fights in the family and i make every situation worse, no matter what it is the list goes on love ya, dad anyway the other night i had the most violent intense painful scary breakdown i've had in a LOOOONNNGGG time. i literally went ballistic alone in my bed for an hour at 4 in the morning i almost passed out and threw up because of how hard i was crying i was literally trying to rip my skin off with my fingernails i hated everything about me how ugly i was how lazy i've become how boring i was how no one liked me how i wasn't proud of myself how alone i felt how empty i felt how jealous i was of everyone how happy everyone else was how self conscious i was how weak i've become how i can't deal with anything how moody i am i don't know why i did that in the past tense i still feel all of it still believe all of it i just push it out of my mind now its fucking exhausting having a mental breakdown or maybe it was an emotional breakdown what the fuck is the difference i think and have thought that i am bipolar but i will never say that out loud songmeanings, you know more about me than anyone else on the planet. why is it that i can spill my whole life everything i can NEVER tell anyone into this PUBLIC online journal its not anonymous my full name is in here multiple times HI, I'M COURTNEY BURGESS plus, it comes up on my internet homepage one of my most visited sites anyone who goes online on my computer can easily read all of this so why? wait, i think i know what the fuck i'm talking to myself hi, whatever i still think i know the answer to the question! answer 1: i subconsciously want someone to find this, just so they know. i want people to know, because i want them to tell me i'm not worthless. or crazy. or ugly. or boring. or anything else like that. answer 2: i can't deal with talking deeply face to face, or even on the phone. too fucking awkward. i'll change the subject or start laughing. because if i don't, i'll cry. or they'll hug me, and THEN i'll cry. and i do not cry in front of people. not even my closest friends, not even my family. i don't even think my brother's seen me cry since i was little. i think somethings wrong with me whatever, just give me heavy drugs. sedate me. let me fake my way thru the rest of my life let me be numb for the rest of my life its so much easier than dealing with emotions smoked today, smoking tomorrow. man, i love avoiding my life.
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  • [93] so take the boy to the back cover up his ears; we got some dirty little secrets we don't want him to hear

    by CurtneyIsASuperher0 on July 29, 2009
    so i could possibly be maybe am probably am pregnant. DUN DUN DUNNNNNN i was in denial missed my period by a week and a half continued to be in denial then, july was over in 4 days and i still never got it so i cried a lot and i shook and i held nick and i cried and i worried nick sat me down and said something that actually made a lot of sense even if it was a bit harsh "courtney, crying is not going to do anything. worrying about it and being fucking depressed from now on will not change the fact that you are pregnant. it will not make you get your period. we fucked up, but we're going to fix it. man up, baby. its the only thing you can do" today, im not in denial anymore nick is here for me, he will do anything he can to help i know he's not going anywhere we're not telling anyone there's a planned parenthood 15 minutes from my house they do free pregnancy tests for teens eliminates the awkwardness of buying a test at cvs where friends of mine work or where i could easily run into a friend of my mothers or fathers next, they'll refer me to somewhere for an abortion i'd use the abortion pill i'd make sure my parents weren't home, and nick was with me i did my research i take the first pill at the hospital or clinic - the place planned parenthood sends me to then, they give me a second pill to take home i take that one 24 to 72 hours after the first whenever is most convenient for me and that's that i go for a follow-up checkup a week later, and then we pretend it never happened in my head in my heart right now, this doesn't even bother me it should, right? like, there's a fucking human growing inside of me and in a few days, im taking a pill to make it pour out of my vagina and it doesn't even bother me? oh. okay. what if after its all over, after its out of me, i start having nightmares or i lose it freak out what if theres health side affects and i can't have children ever again? what if my parents find out? what if i can't afford it? there's so much to worry about and i'm not worried about any of it i think i'm gunna go for the test tomorrow or friday if its positive, go for the first pill on monday take the second on tuesday, when my parents are at work and then i never speak of it again no sex for a week, and then my life goes back to normal i feel like maybe i'm not upset now because in my head, i'm not pregnant i'm still subconciously thinking that i could never get pregnant that doesn't happen to girls in real life it's always someone else, somewhere else never me, never here well, news flash! its me, its here its happening, and this time i cant pretend its not welcome to the real world i guess where consequences actually mean something where they actually HAPPEN wow, im so fucking naive. shit just got real
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  • [92] the fucking ship is breaking up, we're going down in flames

    by CurtneyIsASuperher0 on July 21, 2009
    abandon ship - gallows go! warped 2009, fucking awful. the bands i saw were good for the most part but i'm disgusted by what warped tour has become i'll get to that in a second though anyway i saw dance gavin dance reeeeally good they were all high, no big deal met them later on they were just kinda chillin in their tent nice guys saw antiflag havent listened to them in years, but my friends wanted to see them they were good my first time experiencing a "wall of hugs and kisses" rather than a wall of death saw bayside my favorite band ever i dont know what else to say i just fucking love them saw anthony later on just walking around didnt get to talk to him though, i didnt realize it was him til he was gone saw senses fail they sucked i dont even really like them later, they were supposed to do i signing but they didnt show up or something like that this kid we were with was pissed apparently they always screw jersey even though theyre from here last year they did their set, and then an acoustic set on everyday of warped except jersey whatever they suck regardless it was funny though they were complaining about some band that kept talking shit about warped during their sets turns out it was gallows hahaha which brings me to... gallows best of the night absolutely frank spent the entire set in the pit you couldnt even see him hahaha it was awesome though he was singing in the midst of 50 some odd kids throwing down around him then he made everyone make the biggest circle pit i've EVER seen and he stood in the middle of it so fucking awesome but the best part was when he goes WARPED TOUR USED TO BE A PUNK TOUR BUT ITS SEEMED TO HAVE LOST ITS WAY THATS WHY ITS A GOOD THING WE HAVE BANDS LIKE NOFX, BAD RELIGION, BAYSIDE, FLOGGING MOLLY, AND GALLOWS ON THIS TOUR then he went on to say that he wanted to see carnage, to give all these other bands something to really be jealous of it was so true though those were pretty much the only legitimate bands left on the tour warped 1995 would kick the shit out of warped 2009 later on we saw a day to remember we were debating on leaving before them because they were playing at 8, our last band before them was at 4 something but we stayed... we should have fucking left the crowd SUCKED beyond BELIEF and they only played new shit i was so disappointed, holy shit now onto why warped sucked so bad the kids i've never seen so many asshole scene kids girls who must have woken up 4 hours early to straighten their cheetah spot extensions and slather on their 40 pounds of neon makeup and boys who did the same the bros with their fitted hats and nikes throwing down to fucking all time low jeffree star in general the fucking millionaires ARE YOU KIDDING ME? i was so fucking pissed after i saw what they were fucking slutty scene girls who dont even play instruments they just bounce around on stage and sing about money, sex, hair, and getting drunk fuck that, they dont even sing i was SICK like at least i can laugh at jeffree star and at least he pretends to play instruments but the millionaires? REALLY? what the FUCK is going on here? brokencyde? the maine? WHAT THE FUCK warped tour is NOT what it used to be its NOT what its SUPPOSED to be how the fuck can you put BAD RELIGION AND NOFX on the same fucking tour as BROKENCYDE AND THE MILLIONAIRES AND FUCKING JEFFREE STAR? they all need to get their fucking asses kicked theyre fucking taking over warped tour we need to take it back im ranting whatever, im pissed it gets worse every year what the fuck kevin lyman? you used to be cool. no better yet, you used to be UNCOOL thats what made warped tour good it was the bands that the cool kids were afraid of now, warped tour is fucking mtv, and the kids who hang out at the mall on friday nights fuck this, i just want a good show
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  • [91] where's your respect?

    by CurtneyIsASuperher0 on July 08, 2009
    saw enter shikari tonight fucking sucked they sounded like shit, and the bands they played with were awful so disappointing legit worst crowd i've ever been a part of everyone was a douchebag i almost puked from a fucking overdose of scene kids and if i have to hear one more synth intro or techno breakdown, i'm going to shoot myself but they played no sssweat, so it wasnt a total waste well i mean, it was but no sssweat made it like kinda sorta a little bit worth it we left early got burger king it made me feel a little better but anyway, heres this survey for the nine millionth time song #1: carry you home by james blunt your favorite lyric from this song: either: she said it's high time she went away, no one's got much to say in this town or: strong as you were, tender you go im watching you breathing for the last time a song for your heart, but when it is quiet i know what it means and i'll carry you home does this song have any bad memories attached? no, but its very sad what genre is this? pop? song #2: salvation by the devil wears prada what's the last line of this song? i can sense the rhythm and its time to panic, panic have you ever seen this artist live? yep who does this song make you think of? fear and chaos the coming of something huge with no preparation song #3: its dangerous business walking out your front door by underoath what's the first line of this song? i've been up at this all night long where did you first hear this song? fuse tv, i saw the video this song and reinventing your exit are the reasons i bought the cd how about the first time you heard the artist? fuse tv song #4: the plot to bomb the panhandle by a day to remember which friend could this be a theme tune for and why? nick, miller, anthony, craig, etc. dedicated to tom or nick, to tiff write down the chorus: i'm looking down at this mess that you made can't believe that i stayed so unhappy for so long where did i go wrong? i've got to get out of this, my hand is on the handle we're leaving everything behind, goodbye for a lifetime why do you like this song? the lyrics, the message song #5: the words best friend become redefined by chiodos what kind of film would you choose this as the theme for? something like 'the invisible' with betrayal, death, lots of rain, lots of nighttime scenes, and a hint of the supernatural who introduced you to this artist? wow, i don't even remember best part of this song: craig owens song #6: brand new day by joshua radin the fourth line reads: and bathes me in its light how long is this song? 3:34 is it one of your favourites? no, but joshua radin is this song really is lovely though song #7: dont stop by innerpartysystem how long have you been listening to this artist? about a year what's the cover look like on the album this came from? the 4 guys in the band are standing in this weird empty hallway thats like lighted yellow. the guys themselves are tinted green, and the picture is taken from the ground or close to it, kinda looking up at them. what's this song about? the corruption in hollywood has your favourite song come up? yes, plot to bomb the panhandle, dangerous business, and don't stop
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  • [90] now i'm a fat house cat cursing my sore blunt tounge

    by CurtneyIsASuperher0 on July 04, 2009
    flightless bird, american mouth one of my favorite songs im supposed to be out, swimming at toms house with everyone but i dont feel like moving i had an emotional breakdown at work no, not really a breakdown at least not outwardly it was more of a harsh realization? or maybe an epiphany? only an unpleasant one? im so fucking lethargic i sleep til 1, then lay around sometimes with nick, sometimes alone watching tv and movies in old tshirts and basketball shorts i dont go out til night time and even then i sometimes end up staying in all night holed up in my room with my boyfriend watching tv, eating, sleeping, fucking its my last full summer at home - next summer, i leave for college i should be out with friends fuck, who ARE my friends? i havent seen anyone in so long i see sarah, only because nick and i are best friends with her but i havent seen matty or chole at all this summer and i'm not even friends with amber anymore i havent hung out with the swim kids at all, except for at practices and meets i dont go anywhere i dont do anything i've been to the beach ONCE, when i used to go every single day i dont even know if im going to warped - something i swore i'd never miss where the fuck has my LIFE gone? what the fuck am i DOING with myself? like i said before, i was supposed to be at toms house over an hour ago. i just never got myself off my bed to go instead, i'm here complaining my facial expression has not changed my emotions are flat lining im bored, but too lazy to do anything about it i need to wake the fuck up drag the real me out, go feel the sun on my face go for a run, go for a swim, go for a drive, go see my friends what the fuck have i become?
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  • [89] i won't let you fall

    by CurtneyIsASuperher0 on June 29, 2009
    i'm grounded. i'm just going to keep doing these. first song: the places you have come to fear the most by dashboard confessional second song: homeless by paul simon third song: perfect company by a cursive memory fourth song: good will hunting by myself by ludo fifth song: impact by stick to your guns sixth song: body like mind by ace enders and a million different people seventh song: in the backseat by arcade fire eighth song: making love to the camera by the starting line ninth song: let's ride by josh-x-an-tus tenth song: forever by chris brown who does song 1 remind you of? myself what part of your life does song 2 remind you of? last summer if you could dedicate song 3 to anyone, who would it be? nick, obviously :] does song 4's lyrics mean anything to you personally? hahaha no, they're just hysterical why do you like song 5? because its by stick to your guns. when did you first start listening to the artist of song 6? well, i've been listening to the early november since like 2004. and i've been listening to ace enders &amdp since TEN broke up. so like, 2007? i think? how many albums do you have from the artist of song 7? no full ones, but i have a little from each album. wait, scratch that, actually i think i have neon bible. how are songs 8 and 9 similar? they're not. at all. what's song 10's meaning? dancing. yanno. which song out of the 10 is your favorite? 1 & 6 which song out of the 10 is your least favorite? 9 which song means the most to you? why? 1, 6, 10 :] would you dedicate any of these to your love/crush? 3 & 10! would you dedicate any of theses to your enemy? nah do these 10 songs more or less represent your music collection? more or less
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  • [88] i'll be better when the sleep comes and finds me

    by CurtneyIsASuperher0 on June 23, 2009
    junior year's over, i guess i'm a senior now. i'm barely sleeping again i'm super paranoid again my fucking moods are crazy again my lows are lower, my highs higher and i think its because of my relationship i'm not used to this i'm so scared of getting hurt or of hurting him but fuck it, theres nothing in the world that can make me leave him i've never known love like the love he gives me and i've never felt like this about anyone EVER before in my life we went to see a movie with some friends tonight we held hands in the darkened theater and i rested my head on his shoulder we stole kisses from each other when no one was looking i felt like it was our first date and i was in 6th grade again it was so nice we were supposed to have a sleepover tonight, but we couldn't he promised me one soon though i don't even think we'll have sex during it or even do anything sexual i wholeheartedly believe we'll just cuddle and hold each other until we fall asleep our relationship is so perfectly balanced -our sex life (though we haven't had sex yet, we've done everything else) is beyond exciting, and we're wildly attracted to each other -we act as though we're best friends, and have obscene amounts of fun together. we do the silliest, stupidest, craziest, most reckless and embarrassing things when we hang out -we're both very much in touch with our romantic sides. somewhere during the night we end up wrapped in each others arms, staring in to each others eyes, whispering "i love yous", and sharing sweet soft slow kisses everything is 100% comfortable i feel as though its not real its too fucking perfect, i always say but then he holds me or kisses me or makes me start hysterically laughing and i know its all real and hes real and im real and neither of us are going anywhere i like love, ive decided finally
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