All the neck-kissing and the compliments and the gentle persuasion to stop being self conscious. The 'I love you's and the 'Don't leave me's that, technically, should sound needy and annoying, but really don't. The utter comfort of being next to you. The fact that you don't seem to care that you could get so much better than me. The little sweet noises you make when you hug me so tightly I have to tell you off. The creeping into Laura's room after we've gone to bed, to see me for one last goodnight with a guilty smile on your face. The fact that you were too nervous to kiss me on the night we met. Your annoyingly cute face close up. The heavy breathing when you sleep - it isn't quite snoring, thank goodness. The infinitely thick hair that you won't let me plait. The constant reassurance that you're there for me. The smell of your hair after you've showered. In case you ever wonder what I love about you, by the way. FUCK, I love you so much.

Oh my Goddy God. So Stannah's party wasn't amazing at all, but afterwards completely made up for it. We got home at half 12, watched/didn't watch Cry_Wolf, and went to bed at half 3. Then this morning, at Xavi's request, I woke him up at half 7 and we spent the next 4 hours having the best lie-in I think I'll ever experience. Just...Wow. I won't go into any detail for fear of someone I know reading this, but it's funny - this morning he acheived something he's been trying for since the summer without even being aware of it. Man, it was fun. "You are so evil..." "You're so beautiful."

New Year was goooood! Theo stood up to Ruth's psychotic step brother...He does wrestling and Rhys thought he'd be a easy opponent in a fight. He was so wrong, and it ended up with him getting arrested. I wasn't aware of any of this going on, though - I was fast asleep upstairs, sharing a double mattress with 3 other people. I hung out with Xavi a lot last night, it was lovely. We messed around on the double bed and he kinda muffled-yelled 'AARGH, I love you!' in a weirdly frustrated voice. This morning we made a little lovenest with his duvet on the living room floor. And man...I don't think we've kissed so much in a very long time. I'd missed it. I can't wait to hit the year mark, I have no doubts we'll reach it (:

It's official, and I am incredibly excited about it. I'm seeing Joshua Radin in March! With Kim and Xavi, hopefuly. Man, it'll be fantastic. So, now I have a Year-iversay, the ski trip AND Radinfest to look forward to in the next 5 months (: Crimbo was goooood. I got a bottle of CKIN2U (perfume) which I completely didn't think I would get, and a hairdryer. They sound lame but to me, those are two very useful presents. Xavi got me a ukulele! A cute little orangey one that I can now play 'I wanna grow old with you' on. I luuuurve him. It was a gift inspired by my slight obsession with the YouTube artist Julia Nunes, who plays a ukulele and makes it look a lot of fun. It's Ruth's new year's party on Wednesday...Well, on New Year's Eve. Duh. I bought a dress for it today - an LBD (Little Black Dress) that would be boring if it wasn't for the gold detail on it. £18 from TKMAXX in the sales, I wasn't expecting to find anything I like in there. I went with Heather, which was pretty random as I barely know her, but it was cool as she is equally as unladylike as me & it was funn. This is such a boring entry.

Been up all night staring at you, wondering what's on your mind. I've been this way with so many before, but this feels like the first time. You want the sunrise to go back to bed...I want to make you laugh. Mess up my bed with me. Kick off the covers, I'm waiting. Every word you say, I think I should write down - don't want to forget come daylight. Happy to lay here, just happy to be here, I'm happy to know you. Play me a song, your newest one. Please leave your taste on my tongue. Paperweight on my back, cover me like a blanket. Mess up my bed with me. Kick off the covers, I'm waiting. Every word you say, I think I should write down - don't want to forget come daylight. And no need to worry, that's wasting time. And no need to wonder what's been on my mind...it's you. It's you, it's you. And I give up - I let you win. You win 'cause I'm not counting. You made it back to sleep again...wonder what you're dreaming.

Okay, so I just typed up near enough a full page of scribbling from my hysterics last night and then decided I'd rather it wasn't published on the internet. All I want to write is: "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you. Listen, you don't need to make anything up to me. I've just been worried that you were going to break up with me. And, being emotionally fucked, I kept it all bottled up. I'm so sorry, I love you and I hope I haven't messed everything up. I'm sorry for being a twat. Please tell me that we're fine, and that you've stopped crying and not being able to sleep. Let's just pretend I never said anything, because it's so meaningless really compared to how much I love you."

Thanks for being a dick and fucking up my evening. Evidently I thought the last 2 days went better than they actually did.

This weekend's been good. We babysat Xavi's litte brother, Joss, and hung out with Tom & Sam at the same time. I fell asleep on his sofa and he kissed me awake. We played Super Mario in bed. He sang 'Winter' to me and I came scarily close to crying. I'm seeing him before Christmas, he's got to come over and see our massive tree (: This is a shitty entry, I think I'm getting worse at writing. Shiiiit. Or maybe it's because it's Sunday and I wat to go back to bed.

Final mock result marks! Chemistry: B Physics: A (+2 marks = A*) Biology: A English language: A (+1 mark = A*) English lit: B (+2 = A) Maths: B German: A Geography: C Art: C D.T: B R.E: B So, no A*s. Which is kinda a big thing at my school, but I don't give a shit. I was so close to an A* in physics and it was my worst science in year 10! Plus I'm kinda annoyed about my English marks, it would've been awesome to get an A* and an A when most people got both B's. But oh well, I'm just being petulant here. I need to buy my mum a Christmas present but apart from that I'm done with shopping. (: I bought Xavi a Soul Cal wallet (his current one is in a terrible condition) and 'The Perks of Being a Wallflower' by Stephen Chbosky, because I don't think he reads enough. Last day of term tomorrow, PLUS it's a half day. It's the Sixth Form Review in the morning, woot. SFR is a show put on by the upper and lower sixth form (Juniors and Seniors, American people) which is based almost entirely on taking the piss out of all of the other years and teachers, and it's insanely funny. Last year my maths teacher received a spontaneous lap dance on stage, and two guys did a perfect rendition of 'Business Time' off Flight of the Conchords. And then at half two, it's Twilight time!! It comes out tomorrow in England, and I've actually managed to control myself enough not to watch it on the internet (: I get to see Xavi tomorrow, too, and he's been of school since Tuesday because of his operation. Lunch with Gav'll be fun as well (: Man I'm in an optimistic mood.

"Because you're brilliant. You make me smile effortlessly. You keep me sane. Bring me back when I'm insane. Thoughts of you keep me warm."