Seeing as today is Postsecret updates day, here are a few of my own: Every time I think of what you did to me last night, I cheer up. Every time I think of the name that flashed onto your mobile this morning, I want to punch something. Mainly you. I'm wearing slutty underwear and it's comfier than BRIEFS. My best friend doesn't grasp the importance of her own situation and I hate her for her ignorance. I'm a size bigger than most of my friends and I reckon I'm the most comfortable with myself naked than the majority of them.

First things first, before I forget - Joshua Radin was AMAZING. Ten times better than even I'd hoped. His voice is usually all breathy and kind of weak on his records but live, man is it powerful. One song that keeps popping into my head, funnily enough, is 'You got growin' up to do'. The "funnily enough" part was because it is (or WAS) one of my least favourite songs of his. But anyway. He introduced one song by talking about how he epically fails at choosing girls; how he always falls for the ones that cry all the time and carry around books of poetry in their purses. He warned all the women that may cry at the next song to shield their faces, else he may come on to them after the show, hah. It was 'Closer' he was introducing and I almost did cry. On the 1 1/2 hour car journey home, Kim fell asleep on me, I curled up to Xavi, and he dozed off leaning on the car door. It was a lovely evening. Also, the weather's been insane for the past week. Anyone who knows England will surely be aware of how changeable our weather is - that's mainly why it's such a popular topic in small talk. So 3 weeks ago it was snowing so much the trains were all cancelled; and yesterday, I spent the entire day in a cotton skirt with bare legs and sandals. Emma may or may not be picking herself up and dusting herself off, and I really hope she is. Xavi & I got less than an hour to ourselves yesterday, but he made it worth the wait. Last Saturday was Amelia & Izzy's party, and I don't think I've danced so crazily since I was little. I danced with Sam, Henry, Ruth, Julian, Tabby, Suzi, Kit, Max...So many more than I usually would. Xavi & I both fell asleep on his sofa afterwards, during Grey's Anatomy, and didn't wake up for another 3 hours. GCSEs are looming. I have a few weeks until the ski trip (!), then after I come back it's only a matter of days until my first exam. I don't think I've prepared enough. But hey, at least I now have my oral questions completed and my DT product on its way to completion. THINK POSITIVE. It seems to be helping.

I love this 'Guess the lyrics' craze that's going around Facebook. As much as I hate to admit it, it makes me feel slightly smug because there haven't been any so far that I haven't managed to guess at least one. Well, this IS International Honesty Day, so I thought I'd tell the truth. Just kidding, it isn't really International Honesty Day. It's Tibetan National Uprising Day. :D

I just painted my nails and am now itching to get on guitar and make a video...But I can't cause of the stupid drying-ness D: Skins is on in an hour - JJ's episode! My favourite characters are Pandora and Naomi but I'm pretty sure after tonight, JJ's going to be replacing one of them. I love him so much, he's a ledge :D Skins is the only programme I actually follow weekly, it's awesome. This is an incredibly boring post. When did your heart go missing?

'Goodnight, I still miss you. I have to see you this weekend, I don't care if you don't want to come into town! I love you, because you're intelligent, pretty & pretty much perfect. PLUS you think there's something about me too (:'

Dear Various People In My Life, You #1: Be there for me. Talk to me. Tell me things that make up for the shittiness that is everything else in my life at the moment. You #2: STOP talking about him. You're boring us all. Don't think you have a moral highground just because you're at it like rabbits. You #3: Realise it's your life you're messing up and it's IMPORTANT. Stop worrying about getting laid and high & stay being Lovely You, because that's the you I love to bits. You #4: Ummm...There is no #4. There are only 3 people I'm thinking about tonight so that's pretty much all I have to say. I'll never ask for anyone but you.

I can't stand this disappointed feeling. I'm sat on the sidelines as everyone changes before I have a chance to stop them. I've given up yelling, waving, trying to get their attention. The only people that seem to be constantly beside me right now are Xavi and Nonie. I hope this is just a bad day but really, there isn't much hope. Ruth only needs Julian and Dani now, Emma only needs herself, Annie needs Bill but she can't have him anymore. Nonie needs her family, Jazz needs her mum, Maria needs her books, Lolz needs her corner in the form room, Xavi seems to need me sometimes but I can never depend on that. Who the fuck do I count on? Who's always there no matter what? I never see Kim, Laura's buggering off to Keele every chance she gets, and it's not like I can chat to my parents about whether I should go on the Pill. He's gone to bed now, and I don't know why I wish it were mine so much, because if he was falling asleep next to me there's no way in hell I'd fall asleep. As he told me in my song, I'd rather take the pain of sore eyes. Let's take the dark and make it our own It'll be just ours, it'll be our home. Please don't be scared, I'm right here I swear Holding your hand - stop talking 'cause I know. And your touch might save me And although it might break me, I Take pride in this internal war, and I'd Take sides in a million more, just to See you look at me and smile, and it Makes it all worthwhile. And my eyes Have never been this sore Staying up all night And the night before With you in my bed Keeping me awake But it'll take it 'cause it's the Best kind of pain.

Jesus, I really have no excuse for neglecting to write in this lately. There isn't much point in listing everything that's happened - it's only fun when I can remember the finer points. Life's hurtling towards GCSEs, summer, skiing, sixth from ... Basically everything beginning with the letter S, it seems. I'm currently watching the first ever episode of Skins for reasons unknown, while hunting down decent photos to put into a collage I'm making Xavi for our anniversary. I STILL cannot believe we've been together a year. Last summer and all the shit that happened seems like an age ago - it's amazing how much we've progressed in the past 5 or 6 months, and I love it. Even when the world's going insane around us - couples breaking apart, friends self destructing, families being unbearable - we're still standing. I'm getting distracted, and I think I'm losing the spark that keeps me writing in this journal. Shiiiit.

Still no school! Yesterday Emma and I wandered around town in our wellies and walked up to Patch's. We laughed at his baby photos (he was the cutest ginger kid), melted chocolate and I cried with laughter at some cat video on Youtube that Annie showed me. We ambled over to Max's house to get his board and sledged down the hill in Hudson's field until it was too dark to see anything. It was magic, seriously. Such a random group of people, yet everyone was so laid-back and lovely. I have a buttload of photos and videos from this past week, and it's funny about 99% of all Facebook activity over the past 5 days has been snow-related. I miss Xavi, though. We didn't spend any snow days together - him being stuck in his village making an epic igloo with his neighbors using compacted snow and plastic boxes. I'll see him at the weekend though. 'Let's take the dark and make it our own.'

SNOW DAY! There was no school yesterday, closed again today, and I doubt it'll be open tomorrow. I spent the day with Kim and Fiona yesterday, rambling around our town in wellies, clambering around on piles of wood covered in snow. There's been about 5 inches I'd say - which may sound like nothing to some people, but it's the most I've ever seen. It's funny how everything looks automatically beautiful with a coating of snow settled on top of it. Hopefully I'll be able to catch the train into town & go to Emma's house in the morning, and if school isn't on we'll spend the day with Patch making snowmen and watching films. It'll be fun. I have lots of photos from the last 2 days and some pretty hilarious videos. I don't want to forget this week, it's been so awesomely different from the norm. I skied across the (usually extremely busy) main road in front of my house, I caught snowflakes on my tongue, I fell flat on my back in the snow. I love it (: