I'm really crazy... but i like to fool people into thinking i'm sane. problem is, once they get too close they figure it out quite quickly and usually run away. i'm waiting for someone who loves me for my flaws not despite them. [note waiting, not looking]

The Rain Song by The Sleeper and the Dreamer really is a beautiful song. I just wish I could dance. There are many ways i wish i could express myself, but i rarely use the ways i currently am capable of. I just keep trying to use other methods. It's actually quite amazing how things like painting, or singing or writing can have such an effect on someone. But then again what would i know... I have a freaking cold. It's quite annoying usually when i have one i just feel fairly sick all the time... but for some reason this time i feel find one minute, and then for the next 10 my eyes are watering like crazy and i feel like i need to sneeze really badly. Anyway it's not really good timing because i have an english essay due tomorrow, but i can't get myself to keep my eyes open for long enough to stare at the computer screen... although wait, i'm doing it right now. But it doesn't require thinking at the same time you see=D. I guess i'm just being lazy. I greatly dislike essays.

[the more i talk about it the less control i have] i think thats why this helps. there's something appealing about sharing all your secrets to complete strangers i guess they can't use it against you in some ways i want people to know in others i don't just promise me you won't ...

I've been lying to my friends my real reason for not dating yet is because i am afraid i won't be able to love someone without getting scared and backing away. I'm scared no one will love me I'm scared i'm not capable of love I'm scared i won't be able to handle it I'm scared things will go wrong and they will. I know i'm making the right choice... ...but i'm suffering for it

i love the way that when you want to delete a journal entry it says "Yes, Please delete it" alot of sites have that its like they're encouraging us to be polite. i think being polite is all relative... old people think we're rude little buggers but respect changes the way we show it does too

pretty much. i'm in the constant state where i can't be bothered talking to my friends i would rather just listen to my ipod i can't be bothered doing homework i would rather save myself the effort and fail but i don't care i just want to sleep and sing and dance and sit and read about other people's lives i have actually started becoming interested in history...its kind of creepy

Today was really weird. I haven't really done anything other than homework But the whole time i have just felt wrong like something is missing like there's something i should be doing even though i've been doing everything i need to I hate when i can't identify why something is happening to me, or in me. I don't know what's wrong but i know something is. Save me? Yeh? I don't know who i'm talking to. Just going through life's notions one by one hoping someday i'll actually get something done I HATE speeches some people don't see what's so bad about them but it's pretty much one of my greatest fears probably because i'm scared what people will think or something lame like that but i can't help it my speeches are always crap anyway... plus i have no idea what accent southern african americans had in the 1800s. I have no one to obsess about at the moment it's good but shameful because i feel like my life is realllly booooring oh well in a couple days something terrible will have happened to me i can entertain myself with that it's funny how our whole lives we aim for something and it pretty much becomes our purpose but then we get it and don't know what to do with it we forget why we wanted it in the first place well it happens to me anyway...

I stayed home from school to do an assignment (kind of ironic..) i'm halfway through but i can't be stuffed i'm so bored April fools day was lame. At school they told everyone school was starting at 8:30 next term but i was just like oh yeah sure... funny watching people get stressed out though School sucks lately i don't feel like myself or maybe i do i just say stuff without thinking and then feel really stupid and i'm more confident than usual but at the same time not... which makes me even less confident pshhhh only a week and a half left

they're all i have left. -

...How can you claim to be more human? (well unless u r a "super" male or female with an extra chromosome...) Don't tell me to stop speaking it's the only form of expression i have left. it's not the words anyway it's the secret message hidden within them the meaning behind the sincere confusion. you may not understand but someone does my words aren't meant to impact huge numbers in great ways [because i know they never will] but if a single person feels a fraction of something happiness joy regret forgiveness safety healing then that is enough for me. [More than enough] --------------- i fear i would cling to my one moment of success meaning fulfillment and never let go to reach for something greater i'll hold on to my glory days in the belief nothing better will ever come they will be all i have && i fear i will be content