Spring break started this afternoon. 2:05. I can't wait to kick it off tonight, kick what off? My runs..oh god, how I've missed them. It's been warmer out. I hope it stays warm. I hope I'm able to run every night. If somehow it starts raining before sunset I will go absolutely mad. And I'm not talking about some tea party here. I've been waiting so long for it to warm back up, I've been dying for spring. Here it is, at last. A time to clear my mind, a time to rid myself of excess energy, a time to love the moment. I've had a major headache the last two days, it's finally letting up. That must be some sort of sign. Tonight I'm even going to give myself a special treat, something I rarely allow myself to do. (yea, don't expect much..) I'm going to run to the old park and swing on the swing set. I know that seems plain silly, but I always tell myself 'twenty more minutes and you can' but by then I'm back home. Tonight I'm going to take time out for myself. I'm actually counting down the minutes, even though there's no certain time I run. It will probably be around nine. It's 5:45 now. 3 hours and 15 minutes. I can't wait. it feels like my skin is about to jump off, I'm so excited. I haven't done this in ages it feels. I re-organized everything in my tote, locker, and my room. Everything now has a proper place. I have post it notes (the tiny ones you stick in books) To mark what goes where. I have my small library of books in alphabetical order. I felt a lot better after I did that. Okay, that's enough for today. I'll try to post more in the future. Quote of the Day: ~"A wind has blown the rain away and blown the sky away and all the leaves away, and the trees stand. I think, I too, have known autumn too long. "~ -E. E. Cummings (I've been reading some of his stuff. I'm patiently waiting for my Bukowski book to arrive. I'm also waiting the arrival of my new glasses and Alice in Wonderland necklace. (Alice from the book, not Disney.))

For the first time in a long time I thought about ending everything. I didn't look at the idea with guilt, sympathy, or slight happiness like I use to. I just felt nothing. Part of my mind said, 'hey, that'll be a righteous adventure.' So then I thought of all the reasons to stay. 8 people, 2 cats, some random things I enjoy. Why should I even stay here. Humans are the worst race in the animal kingdom. We are awful. The vast majority of us are morons who can't think for ourselves. For every intelligent/charming/caring individual there 10 others waiting to go around fucking things up, then blaming it on other humans. The other intelligent ones are arrogant/or/immature assholes. There's about three people that really understand me. That I don't dumb myself down for. I've never met two of them. Humans are selfish greedy bastards. Hinduism says if you are bad in your first like then you come back as an animal. Well yippee make me a fucking turtle for all I care. I just don;t want to be human. After that you become a plant; not as fun, but still fun. I might be a venus fly trap. Then an object; okay that sucks, but I don't see how you could fuck up being a plant. I'm getting off subject. Society just sucks, we are a shitty group of people. We need a cause, a world war, a major collapse in the economy, a global environmental emergency. Something! The people who are smart and genuinely good people get rejected by the vast majority of idiots, so that talking to them becomes an awkward mess. Then they grow up and are pretty awesome, most likely wealthy, but we won't know them then. And you know what they'll do? They'll marry some dumb broad who was the same bitch shunning some smart kid for his iq. What has happened to us? I'm sorry..I'm just ranting. I can't help it anymore, I'm sick of this place. I'm sick of these people, I'm sick of all of it. Quote of the Day: ~"In a real dark night of the soul it is always three o'clock in the morning, day after day."~ -F Scott Fitzgerald (don't worry kiddys I'm not going anywhere. These are just thoughts, not plans.)

I hate to do this, but this really just got me. "I'm a hypocrite, I know, because I first heard about them from Misery Business being played on MuchMusic, but come on, they've got a whole other album that I think is better than Riot! - Pressure is a really catchy and good song." -Schlechter Penguin I hate to tell you, but Pressure was their first big hit. Sorry. They got hyped before/during warped tour. That was the song everyone liked/was overplayed. Next time you are trying to tell people there are better songs then the singles, pick a song that isn't already a single. Thanks. I don't care for Paramore, but this just annoyed me. Quote of the Day: ~"I'd like to live as a poor man with lots of money"~ -Pablo Picasso (haha, I find my quote thing is catching on..I like seeing other people's versions of it.) sarcasm. I couldn't live without it. :]

Ahem- It has been brought to my attention that I have been caught cheating. Is that so? 05. eye color: Blue (Quit_Lollygagging copied off me, cheater cheater punkin eater. :P) Too bad I am older. April 17>July 20 Yea, I just won. (haha) Onto more important news. The wombatians have been planning for an attack on the west sanctum of Hell. The TKers have been making preparations for the brutal battle. The wombatians have been known to fight dirty; therefore, the TKers are sending out the dirtiest of dirty whores out to fight on the front lines. The wombatians won't know what hit them when these savages bitches come out. The TKers are declaring certain victory, the wombatians stand no chance. Leading the battle will be second in command TKer, Kim. (First in command TKer Kat is busy kicking some trendy's teeth in) In other news. Hell has been undergoing some changes from when Satan ran it. We have yet to decide upon a new flag, but a theme song has indeed been chosen. It is iron&wine's teeth in the grass. (if you haven't checked iron&wine out, do so now, or face some serious teeth kicking) thanks to Camden for showing me)) All filthys will now be wearing their badges to alert TKers they are tainted and kick worthy. The badges will be smiles, missing the two front teeth. Two cages have been brought into the filthys' section of Hell. The cages are for two unnamed filthys. (named thing 1 & thing 2) As for the rest of the filthys they will be immediately sent to the line of on duty TKers. Any filthy found on the TKers side of Hell will be severely punished. (ps. sorry to anyone who read this, it won't make any sense no matter how many times you read it. It's an inside joke.) TKers for life. ~no quote~ (what the fuck? This is the third time I've tried to post this??)

It's warmed up, yesterday it was nice and I walked home. Every year I get spring fever. I'm not really a big outdoors person, but spring makes me want to spend ever moment outside. Even though it will probably get cold again, I have the fever. I opened all the blinds and have the back door open, so the glass door lets all the light in. I can't wait until it's warm enough for me to run again. I miss running. Spring is so grand, It's just like a new beginning. Yes, the first of the year is during winter, but I don't think the year really starts over until spring. Everything starts over then, it's all renewed. Winter gives nature a blank canvas, and spring paints the most beautiful pictures on it. It's going to be really hard to pay attention in class this year. It's normally a struggle during spring, but this year I can tell it will be really hard. Every year around this time I just sit in class staring out the window wishing I could just be outside. If I were a teacher I'd allow outside class. Just a few times, as a treat. Then again, I'm sure there would be someone to complain. Oh well, no one can rain on my spring parade. It's amazing how just one season can make me so happy. Quote of the Day: ~"Everything is a miracle. It is a miracle that one does not dissolve in one's bath like a lump of sugar"~ -Pablo Picasso P.S. I bought this Alice in Wonderland dvd yesterday. It's from 1988, the voices are scary but the illustrations are neat.

In Van Gogh's 'The Harvest' he depicts crops and farm land. If you have ever read 'the high yellow note' you will understand this very well. If not, well, bear with me. The high yellow note comes from the time of day it was when he'd paint. The sun was high up in the sky making the crops shine so brightly. Early in the morning around 4 am. .(summer time) there is the most beautiful shade of blue right before sunrise. It's light but it's dark, it feels low and smooth. It's so subtle and wondrous. It only lasts about 15 minutes though. For that short time it feels as though the whole world just stops. It's so great. I call it The Low Blue Note. I remember staying with Tany in the summer. She lives on a lake. Her side porch leads down to a sandy hill going to the water. There is a small deck back there. I remember staying up all night with her and some other friends and then just slipping outside for those 15 beautiful minutes, sitting on the steps of the deck and just staring up. Some days I'd set an alarm and sneak downstairs to watch it, her dad would be up some days. He'd have coffee made. It was odd, though I remember drinking coffee beside him during that time, I don't recall ever speaking to him. I remember just looking up in the sky and feeling so surrounded and comforted by the low blue note. Staring up at the endless sky, it was so calming. I'd finish my coffee and go back to sleep. Those were the most peaceful nights I'd have, after my fifteen minutes with the sky. If you are ever outside around 4 in the morning, just look up and see the black fade to navy, and turn into the low blue note. Maybe you won't enjoy like I do, but it really is beautiful. Quote of the Day: ~"For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream."~ --Vincent Van Gogh

Cause And Effect the best often die by their own hand just to get away, and those left behind can never quite understand why anybody would ever want to get away from them Joel annoys me so deeply. I never say anything to him about it. It's not worth it. If I go to delete him from MSN I feel so endlessly bad about it. I'm too empathetic all I can think is 'what if that happened to me, I would feel really rejected and bad.' So, I don't delete him. I'm nice to him, if he talks to me I talk back. It's funny though he has no idea how much I dislike him. He thinks I like him so much, and he acts so arrogant about it. He tries to make me jealous by his girlie friend. I can't help but laugh though, she's such an ogre. He goes on and on about how pretty she is and such. I just sit back and laugh. If only he knew what a fool he makes of himself. He thinks of me as naive and stupid. He thinks I have no experience in life at all. When in reality I have lived so much more than he has. Perhaps it is wrong that I let him make a fool of himself day after day. I don't care though, he has become my own personal jester. He just doesn't know it. Quote of the Day: ~“Boring damned people. All over the earth. Propagating more boring damned people. What a horror show. The earth swarmed with them.”~ -Charles Bukowski (yes, I'm getting into Bukowski again. The poem was by him, by the way.)

Something has gotten into me lately. I want it out, now. My stomach drops to someone who it should most defiantly not drop to, there is nothing there , there will be nothing there, it is implausible, unrealistic, and I respect this person very much. I can't sleep. I can't eat, when I do have enough of an appetite to eat I feel disgusting. (not in like an 'I'm so fat, thing, because I'm not.) I'm twitchy, shakey, nervous, anxious, all of the above. I can barely type. I can't even win a game of solitaire or chess because I make foolish decisions. I feel impulsive and spazzy. I can't hold still. I'm tapping, I'm counting, I'm making lists..I'm moving. I feel overwhelmed. I feel a little crazy to be honest. I get goose flesh all the time. It's annoying and I can't make it stop. I feel cold when I'm over heated. I have headaches constantly. What has gotten into me? Quote of the Day ~"Colour is the key. The eye is the hammer. The soul is the piano with its many chords. The artist is the hand that, by touching this or that key, sets the soul vibrating automatically." -Wassily Kandinsky

It's funny how we always talk about loved ones that have left in past tense. Even if they aren't fully gone yet. I noticed that tonight. Is it because we think that they are already gone, so they are part of the past, that they will become part of the past. Making them past tense though would make them dead. ie; he was the only one I cared for..etc.. Has he died? Did he take a trip somewhere and never return? No, that's doubtful. They are still there. Perhaps it's just because they are gone to us, they aren't apart of our lives anymore or we aren't apart of theirs. Either way, we still past tense them. Is that like a final thing, to past tense someone. I hereby past tense you. Begone. Hm... Quote of the Day: ~I am always doing that which I cannot do, in order that I may learn how to do it"~ -Pablo Picasso (I guess I can use quotes I've already used now. Sine none of you can look back if it bugs you..unless you saved my journal on your computer somehow..which would be weird. I wonder who I'm talking to since I used the term 'you' Yes, you there..behind the computer..did you save my journal somehow? No?...okay good... It's way too late at night..why can't I just be tired?)

I deleted all my entries. I was sick of seeing all of them. I was tired of the temptation to look at old ones and think back to a time when I was happier. I will be happy now. I will live in the present and only the present. (or at least try.) I had a pretty good day. I told Camden I would let things go and have a good day. I did it! I'm rather proud that I let go so easily. I had a snow day today. I'm also having one tomorrow. It's nice to have school off, but there is no snow to play in.. just ice. Have a great week everyone. Quote of the Day: ~"You mustn't always believe what I say. Questions tempt you to tell lies, particularly when there is no answer. " -Pablo Picasso [8335923] [agent Octavia]me [agent Hughes]him