Don't Swallow the Cap

Official lyrics from album sleeve:

Gold light breaks behind the houses, I don't see what's strange about this. Tiny bubbles hang above me. It's a sign that someone loves me. I can hardly stand up right. I hit my head up on the light. I have faith but don't believe it. It's not there enough to leave it.

Everything I love is on the table. Everything I love is out to sea.

I have only two emotions, careful fear and dead devotion. I can't get the balance right, with all my marbles in the fight. I see all the ones I went for, all the things I had it in for. I won't cry until I hear, because I was not supposed to be here.

Everything I love is on the table. Everything I love is out to sea. I'm not alone. I'll never be. And to the bone, I'm evergreen.

I'm tired. I'm freezing. I'm dumb. When it gets so late I forget everyone. I need somewhere to stay. I don't think anybody I know is awake. Calm down, it's alright, keep my arms the rest of the night. When they ask what do I see, I say a bright white beautiful heaven hanging over me.

I'm not alone. I'll never be. And to the bone, I'm evergreen. And if you want (dead seriously) to see me cry (don't swallow the cap), play Let It Be (pat yourself on the back) or Nevermind (dead seriously).

Is it time to leave? Is it time to think about what I want to say to the girls at the door? I need somewhere to be, but I can't get around the river in front of me. Calm down, it's all right, leave my arms the rest of the night. When they ask what do I see, I say a bright white beautiful heaven hanging over me.

I'm not alone (dead seriously). I'll never be (don't swallow the cap). And to the bone (pat yourself on the back), I'm evergreen (dead seriously). And if you want (dead seriously) to see me cry (don't swallow the cap), play Let It Be (pat yourself on the back) or Nevermind (dead seriously)

Can only assume that the "Don't Swallow the Cap" is reference to Tennessee Williams who choked to death on the cap of a bottle of eyedrops he was applying. Tennesse Williams has been referenced in a couple songs before such as "City Middle"

This song is about that moment when you know you've lost and you've lost gravely but you feel the urge to carry on with hope. You're grieving and in pain but despite that you have faith in yourself because if you didn't have that you'd have nothing. Its not so much a message about having hope and faith and seeing the bright light at the end of the tunnel as much as it is just a comment on that moment where pain blends with hope. Don't choke. Carry on. Let go, let it be, nevermind.

"I have faith but don't believe it. It's not there enough to leave it."

Personally I interpret this verse as someone struggling with leaving his religion and come to terms with being an atheist.

"I have only two emotions, careful fear and dead devotion. I can't get the balance right."

This is about someone who can't tell whether he believes in god because of fear of not fitting in with others or whether he really believe in god with all his heart.

"Everything I love is on the table. Everything I love is out to sea. I'm not alone. I'll never be."

This is about him knowing that he's not the only atheist but it is too much to risk for for him to state his belief out loud.

"Cap" is a nickname for "liberty caps" a psychedelic mushroom. Everything else in the song seems to support this interpretation.

These mushrooms cause colors to become brighter and textures to appear richer (because of dilated eyes), intense emotional responses (euphoria, elation, depression, disorientation; often all at the same time), and slight hallucinations though usually these hallucinations are very determined by the context of the environment and thoughts of the individual (lights appear to be tiny bubbles, a face in a painting appears to be grinning, a table looks like a sea). It's very hard to describe the experience if you haven't been through it, but the one adjective I'd use is "religious".

Verse 1 explains the visual experience but also the contemplation about what it means. It also describes some disorientation.

Verse 2 describes the emotional experiences which are paranoia/fear and love/devotion.

Verse 3 has his friends asking him to describe the experience and all he can say is he sees a beautiful heaven over him (probably the lights).

Verse 4 describes time disorientation (very common side effect), emotional attachment to the girls who is he worried about saying the right thing to (common side effects), and the nagging heaven overhead.

The chorus is about his thoughts, obsession with some songs, but also perhaps regrets for doing the drug during the exprience.

I get a general theme of drunkenness and wandering from this song, probably a reference to Tennessee Williams, as referenced by the song title. Especially the lines "I can hardly stand upright", and "I need somewhere to stay Don't think anybody I know is awake"

I feel it is about grief and the inability to feel that comes along with it. Sounds like he is drinking to numb himself, but he is already feeling emotionally numb and does not want others forcing emotion out of him because he is vaguely aware of how inappropriate his not-feeling seems.

He convinces people that he see a "bright white beautiful heaven" to fend off attempts to share his deeper, more complex feelings of death/grief that he does not want to acknowledge.

The "if you want to see me cry" lyric is basically saying to other people, "you're not gonna see me publicly grieve, but if you really want to see me have emotion, do something simple and easy and unrelated like playing a song."

A beautiful song about the complexity of losing someone.

I also think "bright white beautiful heaven hanging over me" refers to how he wants to believe there's something wonderful after death. But he only shares this image when someone else asks what he "sees." I think he doesn't want to confess he doesn't believe there's anything waiting for us. He wants to comfort others instead of telling them the truth.

While I don't know the meaning of the whole song, I love the thread of hopefulness that weaves throughout the song "I'm evergreen," "Tiny bubbles hang above me. It's a sign that someone loves me," etc. There is an interesting (and notable, I think) element of recording and production in this song. In the verse that starts, " I'm tired. I'm freezing. I'm dumb. When it gets so late I forget everyone." You can hear a fuzzy background vocal following Matt's voice for the whole verse. At the end of the verse, the words "bright white" are whispered clearly (without the fuzzy vocal). They are the only words in the verse whispered in this way. Perhaps an insight into the meaning of the song.

I'd say it's about magic mushrooms. The cap (vs. the stem) contains the highest concentration of psychedelic tryptamines. Don't swallow the cap unless you're ready to really go on a ride.