Burning Beard

Listen, get this: Clutch is typically not trying to get a certain message across, but instead they're kind of painting a picture with really broad strokes. The allusions and metaphors carry the weight of the lyrics, typically alluding to sci-fi, classical and/or biblical mythology and (to a lesser extent) popular culture. This song is a perfect archetype of the lyrical stylings of Neil Fallon. The opening lines give the impression of someone who is keeping up with current (watching CNN) events in the morning, possibly before going to work. We then get this weird line about locusts flying in the window (possibly an allusion to a plague?), followed by an invasion of British troops and the paranoia of the "protagonist" wrapping everything in aluminum (have the British launched spy satellites?); this is then followed by a confirmation that the protagonist is protecting himself from the "pink rays from the ancient satellites" (the lyrics above are wrong)-- I'm not really sure why the satellites are "ancient" but it could tie in with the biblical-esque reference to the locusts. The allusion to cranes is also peculiar, but they are typically associated with peace and long life, so it might just be an introduction to a symbol that contradicts the general mood of the protagonist; the three dogs in this stanza could also be an allusion to cerberus, the three-headed dog that guards the gates of Hades (but I might just be reading way too much in to this). There are next allusions to Saturnalia and the Praetorian Guard (where I got my kick-ass screen name from); these are pretty much self-explanatory if you run a wiki or google search on them (particularly the idea of the festival of Saturn, where slaves are treated like they are the masters and the masters try to please their slaves with gifts and food and stuff; these allusions immediately follow the "reversal" allusion where cranes are seen as a source of discomfort for the protagonist).
I've written way too much about a song that only lasts like four minutes, so I'm just going to list the allusions and what they refer to and y'all can figure out the rest. Seven Habits of the Highly Infected Calf--A double allusion to "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" (a book, by an author that I really can't remember: one of those things a sales manager would read) and also an allusion to the golden calf. "Swan diving off the tongues of crippled giants"-- possibly an allusion to the idea of businessmen jumping from skyscrapers when their businesses go kerplunk (particularly since the next line references IBM). Golden Parachute-- what would keep a businessman from commiting suicide if their business did go kerplunk (a guaranteed severance package). Okay, that's like a freakin' college essay on a song that I was planning to write like two sentences on-- the power of that which is Clutch.

And by the way, schoolbag88; Slayer does, in fact, rule, but anyone who disses Clutch is either eight years old or just doesn't really like heavy rock, so which class do you fit in?

im not trying to state the obvious, but he is interpreting american society, and honestly i think by making the song seem as if he is preaching he is mocking how america's ignorance is fueled by religion no offense to any religious folk.

Clutch is the ultimate disUtopian portrait painter. this song is proof, I agree with PraetorianGuardsman on most of the interpretation. though i have a feeling it goes through a everyday news broadcast of CNN with the closed captioning set to "cryptic".

"drink a lot of coffee and watch the CNN" too much caffeine and watching tv, bad habits "To a bowl of clover honey and let the locusts fly in" afraid of plague or famine "Lobster backs attack the town again" invasion or war "Wrap all my things in aluminum" the spy satellite thing is interesting, though it could be a UFO enthusiats reference "Beams of darkness streak across the sky" shadows of planes or helicopters searching for you or fugitives "Pink rays from the ancient satellite" the moon is the only ancient satllite and in a red moon phase sometimes it paints the earth in pink(maybe)

"The same three dogs lookin' back at me" Americans fear of death (without glory anyway) "Cranes fly in to terrorize me" guilt of what we might have done. Ibycus and the cranes "The power of the holy ghost (Woof, woof, woof)" religions hold of everyone's leash (or lack there of) "Shadow of the new praetorian" roman guards of the emperor? or perhaps the secret service and being monitored or followed "Tipping cows in fields Elysian" knocking on people in heaven or the idea you have to virtuous or heroic to get to heaven "Saturnalia for all you have" roman holiday to the god Saturn near the celebration time of Christmastide (coincidence?) "The seven habits of the highly infected calf" as PraetorianGuardsman says -A double allusion to "The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People" and the golden calf, a false idol in the Hebrew story of Moses "Swan diving off the tongues of crippled giants" reference to business men in the depression era jumping out of windows of skyscrapers (Hudsucker Proxy) "International Business Machine" IBM oh how we love computers, really i do love computers no joke "Choking on bits of Barley bread crumbs" being short changed or cheated "Down the last of academe" drink up to lose the knowledge of what you learned in school or college "Occam's razor makes the cutting clean" allusion to use the simplest explanation often the right one "Shaven like a banker" reference to the previous lyric, you fear without the proper credit you won't get far. "lilac vegetal" dress to impress how are you going to get anywhere if you don't fit in "Break the glass ceiling and it golden parachute on down" succeed before you fail or retire or you won't come away with anything.

my interpretation is askew i know, but it does bring to light all the fears of everyday people and what stigmas we hold to in America on the business agenda.

Posted this in response to PraetorianGuardsman's excellent interpretation, but I think I'll put it where more people might see it:

The "pink rays from the ancient satellites" is a reference to the Philip K. Dick quasi-autobiographical novel VALIS (short for Vast Active Living Intelligence System). The protagonist "Horselover Fat" (translation of Philip Dick from Greek and German respectively) has an episode where he imagines himself struck by a pink laser beam, which imparts information to him which he couldn't possibly know, such as that it has been fired from a ancient satellite constructed by aliens from the star Albemuth.

It is strange to mention, but scientists have recently been able to perform some rudimentary mind control on mice by exciting areas of their brain with lasers. The report didn't mention if they were pink though.

LYRICS and INTERPRETATION

"Every day I wake up we drink a lot of coffee and watch the CNN" "Every day I wake up to a bowl of clover honey and let the locusts fly in." John the Baptist's clothes were woven from coarse camel hair, and he wore a leather belt around his waist. For food he ate locusts and wild honey.

"Lobster-backs attack the town again" Red Coats or the British Regular Troops

"Wrap all my things in aluminum" Electromagnetic Shielding and Protection

"Beams of darkness streak across the sky" The Black Knight Satellite - is claimed by some conspiracy theorists to be an object approximately 13,000 years old of extraterrestrial origin orbiting Earth in near-polar orbit.

"Pink rays from the ancient satellite" The pink angel light ray represents love and peace. This ray is part of the metaphysical system of angel colors. Some people believe that the light waves for the seven angel colors vibrate at different electromagnetic energy frequencies in the universe, attracting the angels that have similar kinds of energy.

"Every time I look out my window same three dogs looking back at me." Cerberus was a three-headed dog that guarded the entrance of the Underworld, allowing the dead to enter but letting none out.

"Every time I open my windows cranes fly in to terrorize me." The affluent and renowned Crane family emigrated from Great Britain in the seventeenth century, eventually settling in the coastal New England village of Harmony over three hundred years ago. The Cranes gained a great deal of influence in village affairs by the end of the century.

"The power of the Holy Ghost" "The power of the Holy Ghost" ACTS 2: The Holy Spirit Comes - On the day of Pentecost all the believers were meeting together in one place. 2 Suddenly, there was a sound from heaven like the roaring of a mighty windstorm, and it filled the house where they were sitting. 3 Then, what looked like flames or tongues of fire appeared and settled on each of them. 4 And everyone present was filled with the Holy Spirit and began speaking in other languages, as the Holy Spirit gave them this ability.

"Shadow of the New Praetorian" In Ancient Rome, the Imperial Praetorian Guard or Praetorian Guard were a unit of the Roman Army formed of elite soldiers initially recruited in Italy.

"Tipping cows in fields Elysian" The concept of cow-tipping apparently developed in the 1970's, though tales of animals that cannot rise if they fall has historical antecedents dating to the Roman Empire. Elysium was a place for the blessed dead, and, from Pindar on, entrance was gained by a righteous life. Later writers made it a particular part of Hades, as in Virgil, Aeneid, Book VI.

"Saturnalia for all you have" As part of the Saturnalia carnival throughout the 18th and 19th centuries CE, rabbis of the ghetto in Rome were forced to wear clownish outfits and march through the city streets to the jeers of the crowd, pelted by a variety of missiles.

"The seven habits of the highly infected calf" The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People – first published in 1989, is a business and self-help book written by Stephen R. Covey. Highly Infected Calf - Ex 32:20 And he took the calf which they had made, and burnt it in the fire, and ground it to powder, and strawed it upon the water, and made the children of Israel drink of it. In this case, those who have sacrificed to the idol were made to drink the burnt calf idol. "Let the men who sacrificed burn the calf." The story concerns those who were offering rogue sacrifices.

"Swan diving off the tongues of crippled giants" Swan dive - It’s a form of suicide where you jump from a high cliff, high building, etc., and put your arms out to the side, so that when you hit the ground you hit face and chest first. The crippled giants - The brave new experiments of large industrial cooperatives established by Britain’s Labor government in the 1970s, but have since dribbled away into the footnotes of textbooks.

"International Business Machine" I.B.M.

"Choking on bits of barley bread crumbs" Barley was (Ezekiel 4:9) one of the ingredients from which the prophet was to make bread and "eat it as barley cakes" after having baked it under repulsive conditions (Ezekiel 4:12), as a sign to the people. The false prophetesses (Ezekiel 13:19) are said to have profaned God among the people for "handfuls of barley and for pieces of bread." {The Ascension of Jesus “on the morrow of the Sabbath” is symbolized by the wave-sheaf offering.}

"Oh this burning beard I have come undone" Exodus 3:2 "There the angel of the Lord appeared to him in flames of fire from within a bush. Moses saw that though the bush was on fire it did not burn up."

"It's just as I've feared. I have, I have come undone" Exodus 3:4 - 6 When the Lord saw that he had gone over to look, God called to him from within the bush, “Moses! Moses!” And Moses said, “Here I am.” 5 “Do not come any closer,” God said. “Take off your sandals, for the place where you are standing is holy ground.” 6 Then he said, “I am the God of your father, the God of Abraham, the God of Isaac and the God of Jacob.” At this, Moses hid his face, because he was afraid to look at God.

"Bugger, bugger, bugger dumb the last of academe" "The Last Intellectuals American Culture in the Age of Academe: American Culture in the Age of Academe” This provocative book chronicles the disappearance of the public intellectual in America.

"Occam's razor makes the cutting clean" Suppose there exist two explanations for an occurrence. In this case, the simpler one is usually better. Another way of saying it is that the more assumptions you have to make, the more unlikely an explanation is. (Occam's razor)

"Shaven like a banker, Lilac Vegetal" The Jews were exiled to Babylonia we surprisingly encounter at least two full-fledged Jewish banks operating there -- the banking houses of Murashu and Egibi. Many cuneiform tablets evidencing their money lending transactions and bearing Jewish names have been preserved. Check this out: https://youtu.be/O7why8Xo_RQ?t=46s

"Break the glass ceiling and golden parachute on down" A glass ceiling is a metaphor used to represent an invisible barrier that keeps a given demographic (typically applied to women) from rising beyond a certain level in a hierarchy. A golden parachute is an agreement between a company and an employee (usually upper executive) specifying that the employee will receive certain significant benefits if employment is terminated.

THE POWER OF THE HOLY GHOST, COMES TO TOWN! "The greatest step we can take in our personal growth is learning to bridge this gap and implement our good intentions. This is what the BEARD represents. The beard is hair that grows down from the head to the rest of the body. It is the bridge between mind and heart, thoughts and actions, theory and practice, good intentions and good deeds." This is what Jesus Christ accomplished during his sacrificial death on the cross, and his eternal resurrection. JESUS CHRIST is the BRIDGE!

"As surely as I live,' says the LORD, every knee will bend to me, and every tongue will confess and give praise to God." Romans 14:11

Sounds like the war in Iraq interpreted as a Christian crusade. "The power of the holy ghost comes to town."

Lobsterback was what the American colonists called British soldiers because they wore bright red coats.

exactly

also I accidendently set my beard on fire once, That was experiance worth writing about as well, also I just set my socks ablaze... send help

Instead of "lie that fancy tale" I'm pretty sure it's "lilac vegetal".

Great song with great time signature changes - Very very Gospel like!