I'm kind of really pissed off right now. Tim won't answer any of my texts. Mark is mad at me. I am just so mad. All guys just fuck me over, I am praying that Tim isn't doing that. But I have this feeling that he is bailing on me tonight. Why can't anything good just happen for me. Just this once.

I wrote a huge long thing earlier but I forgot to put in a subject so it erased it all. Sucks. Don't know how to feel right now.

My phone sucks asshole. It keeps shutting off randomly. I definitely need to take it to get fixed! Tim and Ihave been texting all day. He called me when I got home from school. He told me that he really likes me :) You have no idea how good that feels. I was going to go on a date with him Saturday but I am babysitting, so instead we are trying for Friday, depending on the weather, and then Saturday when I am babysitting he is going to come over and we re going to cuddle and watch tv :D I am really excited about it. Keep you in the loop !

So I spent about 2 hours on the phone with Tim last night. It was nice. He clarified that he wants this to be a date. We are going to the movies and back to him house on Saturday night. He said he'd meet my mom, so I wouldn't have to tell my mom I am with somebody else. I am still debating on if I should have him meet her. I don't know if she would want me going out with him. It sucks that neither of us have cars. I use my moms, and he doesn't have a license, but has a car. He lives in Lowell, like 15 minutes away so it's really not bad at all, thank god. I'm pretty happy about it. Anxious to see how things will turn out.

My friends Becca and Tim and I all hung out on Friday. It was boring but somewhat entertaining I suppose. He asked me out on a date this weekend/next week. We are going to see the Dilemma. I was suprised that he picked that movie lol. Sort of excited...got to tell Mark. Kinda scared.

Kellie texted me today. We are going to Dunks to talk Friday morning. Kinda happy, kinda nervous.

So Mark, I really like him, and it sucks. Goes back to school today. I am all upset about it, not like it really makes a difference. When he was at home I didn't see him either. But I don't mind that so much because we text everyday and he calls me and we skype all the time. But I am afraid that he will leave for college, meet some girl and never talk to me anymore. I don't want that to happen, not ever. I like him so much, and he knows that. The other day, I was skyping with him, and I think I told him that I love him. He thinks I was joking, which is good because love is too much right now. But I think I do, I think I do love him. I haven't been in love in so long that I can't decide if I really am or not. We talk aboout marriage, and having kids. We talk about where we want to live when we are both out of college. We talk about how we don't want each other to be with anyone else, and we won't be. He is my ideal everything. Thinks I am beautiful, smart, easy to talk to and doesn't get annoyed by all the texting we do. He is cute and funny, smart and motivated. He is the opposite of every guy that I have been with before, and I need that, I want that. I am trying to get him to come here after he gets out of school. He said he would try. I really hope he can. Or he can go to Florida when I go for school, and that'd be awesome :) I wish he went to school in MA or NH cause it's so close to me. Texas is just way too far away. He is really important to me, and I would take it really hard if we ever stopped talking. I know that its sort of inevitable that we won't talk forever. He is a junior in college in Texas, and I am a senior in high school in Massachusetts. Goddamn him for moving to Texas for school. He said he would move to New England again when he graduates. He is an accounting major, but wants to work with the FBI. If he moved to New England I would be so happy, considering I am going to college in 6 months, in Rhode Island. We are texting right now, have been for the past hour or so. Last night we talked until 3am. Whenever we don't talk I miss him. Whenever I see his name pop up on my phone I get butterflies in my stomach and my heart starts racing. I don't know what this boy has done to me, but I like it. :)

Fucking sick of my "friend" hitting on my brother. I don't give a shit if you "feel like you look ugly so take any attention because it makes you feel better." That's what she said to me. First she sleeps with the guy that I was with, then fucks me over again to flirt with my brother. Even after I told her that I did not appreciate that whatsoever, and I was mad about it, she still does it. Then she says stupid remarks about how "I'd get mad if she danced in the car with Mike there" and "he started it." Too bad my fucking brother jokes around. Your a nice girl but your fucking desperate. Leave my fucking family and my friends alone. I don't want to have friends like this. Two have done this. Two too many.

Still feeling miserable. Wish the doctors was open today. Dont want to wait another day. Woke up and my body was aching. I find myself looking at symptoms to all these different diseases, mono, bronchitis, and pnemonia. I've have been told that's what I probably have. I came home yesterday. at 9. I ate some breakfast then passed out im my bed til 5. Woke up, was away tile 8:30 and passed out again. Woke up at 9 in terrible pain from my ear infection, and not being able to breathe, it actually hurts to breathe. I want to go back to sleep to be honest. When I sleep I can't feel my ear or my body. It's the best time. I want to watch a movie too, but every movie in my house has been watched. I don't have cable in my room so my tv doesn't work, and I am not allowed to leave my room because my moms loser boyfriend has me confined in here. Fuck that. When they all leave, I'll make it my mission to wake up and go down stairs and cough all over the couch and Phil's stuff. Then he will be the one complaining and I can say to him what he says to me "ew get away. go back to your house and stay in your room and stop being a baby." Ontop of that, I am home doing nothing this weekend, by choice, since I can't even stand up. Mark went to California. He said we would text and he would call, but funny, he got their Friday and I have heard from him via text maybe 3 times. Whenever I text him he really doesn't answer. Says he doesnt have service, which is all good, but it aggrivated me. I am kinda mad about it. Like what if I was really sick and ended up in the hospital? He wouldn't even make an effort to see if I was alright, to just text me. Thats all it takes, 30 seconds out of his life to shoot me a text seeing if I am alright. But no, of course not. I'm on my own, and it's alright, I'm used to it.

I am so unbelievably sick. I have been sick for 3 weeks. Clearly it isn't a cold if it is that long. Yesterday night it got to the point where I couldn't handle it anymore. My teacher says I sound like I have Bronchitis, and if I don't get it treated early it will turn into pneumonia. I have called out of work 3 times this week because I simply just can't do this anymore. I tried calling the doctors today, but of course they left since it is a Saturday. I hae to wait til Monday, 4 weeks. I feel like I am dying. It has just continuously getting worse, and shows no signs of getting better any time soon. FUCK MY LIFE.