I had to go to the gynocologist today. It stunk lol. I've been talking to Tim for the past few hours, texting. He seems like he is happy talking to me again. Which is awesome because I have so much hope in this kid. Becca is coming over tonight, and for those of you who dont know, Becca is my bestest friend :) We are going to go out probably. We just gotta figure out what we are going to do I guess. I am going to try and look all pretty just incase we run into attractive boys :D Soooooo yeah, thats my night lol.

So I just got accepted into Quinnipiac University for the Physician Assistant Program. It'd not my top school, but it was at one point. So far I am 6 for 6. Have not gotten rejected yet :D That's always good. Only waiting to hear back from Westfield State, which I don't care about lol. I have to make a decision soon about what I am going to do.

Oh lordy, I am starting to realize that Tim kinda sucks. But I am used to it. Pretty much all of the guys I have gotten close with turn into losers who try to bring me down with them. I was upset about it at first, that he wouldn't really talk to me. But now I just think whatever because I am not wasting my time. I am all set with that. Just gotta wait til I meet somebody who is unlike all the others.

I have a countdown on my desktop, it is at 96 days left. There are 96 days left until May 1st. My goal is to lose 33 more pounds. I went to the doctors and when I looked at that scale I was like wow. I was the heaviest I have ever been. I lost 6 pounds this past week, so now 33 more and I should be of goal weight. This is all really important, for many reasons. I want to look amazing for prom on May 21st, and I want to look even better for when I go to Florida on the 24th of May. It's going to be awesome. But most important is that, I have to be the right weight and in great shape for this summer, because I have the military to worry about starting in August. The rest of my life relies on this. It's crazy. Well Tim and I have been talking a little bit. He said he didn't know if we could hang out on Friday, but I hope we can. It would be fun. I just want to go on a real date for once. I want somebody to take me out to dinner, or bowling, or roller blading. Anything, just a real date. I am tired of all you boys who just think going to the movies is a date! A date is somewhere where you can interact with the person! Add something onto seeing a movie and you got yourself a date. I am also sick of guys only wanting to go out so they can try to get some! WTH is with that!? I am not somebody who just gives it up that easy. I don't even make out that easy! Come on guys, gimme a break!

Texting Tim right now, he finally decided to text me today. I expected that. I asked him if he would want to go out next Friday, since we couldn't this past weekend. I would really like to. I'm feeling alright right now, just wishing exams were over. Actually I wish all of school was over haha. I'm not really so depressed right now either. I think its because I have been so busy that I have not had the time to feel alone. I am trying to keep my head up. I'll be good if I can just do that.

Thanks for the replies. I don't think today will be better when it comes to him, he isn't a football fan either lol. All I am trying to do is get over it, but when it comes to things that have potential, I don't want to let go. Therefore I am going to drive myself crazy over it lol. It really sucks, but I am trying to get over the fact that he sucks and I shouldn't waste my time on people like that. Sooooo today I start midterms, which is going to suck, considering I have to be there at 7 when my exam doesn't start til 10:30. I'll be up in the library, studying a little for English but mostly for AP Euro. I really have nothing to do after exams, I'll ask my nana to come pick me up but thats about it. I'll probably go to the gym tonight with Becca. I am so sore from working out. My shoulders are definitely feeling the burn! I'm a total nerd because I sit at the gym looking at the diagrams of human muscles and name all the scientific names for the ones I will be working lol. Total nerd. BUT I lost 6 pounds doing it haha. Tim sucks, but me and Mark still talk. Not much but some. I wish he was here, and not so far away. He makes everything better, I'll be honest. I like him just as much as I did before, and if he were here, I'd be with him in a second.

Tim finally texted me. Just once. Has not answered my texts or my call. I am so sick of all this bullshit from guys. Honestly, I had some hope he wouldn't be just like all the others. Clearly I was completely wrong.

I am depressed. It's bad. I've spent all weekend crying. Whenever I am alone, it's all I do. I'm not motivated to do anything. I don't want to do anything unless it involves spending all my weekend with my friends. I can't stand the quiet. I can't be alone. All I think about is how worthless I am, and how nobody even cares about what happens to me. I used to be this way. I use to think about suicide. I have kept it pushed down for so long, I don't even know how to handle it anymore.

I think I fucked up with Tim. He told me he couldn't come over yesterday. I thought that he just didn't want to hang out with me so I got kind of mad, since it was the second time in 2 days he has bailed on me. He got mad that I doubted him. And now he isn't talking to me, pretty much at all. I guess I am just going to stop texting him today, in hopes that maybe he will try to talk to me. I hope that if I do this he talks to me, soon. I really like this kid, and I got all excited all week talking about this, and he just blew me off twice. I just don't understand. Maybe things really did just come up, cause he was the one who asked me out, and asked me if he could come over last night. I just wish so badly that he would talk to me. That we could hang out. That I could just seem him today. I've been up for 39 minutes and I am dying to text him. Not talking all day if he doesn't hit me up is going to kill me.

Once again I am pretty mad. Mark says hes going to do things then never does. Every day I put up with the same shit from him. Tim is supposed to come over today for a while, and has barely talked to me since Thursday. He had to work last night so we couldn't go out then either. He hasn't answered my texts and I left a voicemail, but he probably won't end up calling me back. The least he could do is just tell me he doesn't want to hang out. I hate guys, literally all they do is fuck me over. I'm so tired of it all. I've spent the past 2 days crying and I don't want to do it anymore. I'm all set with jerks.