All in all, I was saying how I have feelings for Chris, and it sucks. I can't get him off my mind. Saw my dad today and cried again. Awesome. I'll write more tomorrow or later tonight.

I am hung over, I'll be honest. I feel like shit, like throwing up would make me better, but I won't do it. Last night I got stuck at a party that I didn't even want to be at. Come 2am I was so angry that I was there, I even contemplated calling my mom to get me ._. I have every reason to finally blow up, because ever single time the three of us hang out, they both leave me completely by myself so they can go fuck other guys. I'm totally cool with being a wingman for them, but when they just act like I don't exist, I have a reason to get annoyed. The least they could do is incorporate me into their "hanging out". They don't even appreciate that I break all of my plans with other people just so that I can go to parties with them, and help them get laid. It's not cool. Its not a jealousy issue either, because I don't WANT to do that. I dont want to just fuck random guys that I have never met before.Especially guys who are in relationships. Only thing I liked was the games when we first got there, then I started talking to this guy Correy. He was nice, he asked me to marry him. Rapped for me. Gave me a cig, even though I dont smoke. And he told me how beautiful I was. Little things are nice to hear, I guess. He had to leave shortly after though, and then it was just back to shitty reality of my life.

Uhg, Becca is such a bitch to me. I don't understand why. What the hell am I doing?!

Me and Chris kind of have a thing going on. I know that he likes me, and I think he is a sweet heart, but I don't know what to really expect. I leave for school in 10 days :/ He is coming over Friday I guess, and we will see how things go.

It's my last weekend in Mass, and my mom is trying to get me to babysit... from Thursday to Sunday. ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?! her reasoning, that "you have been partying all summer long, and one weekend won't kill you." TRUE except for the fact that it's my last weekend and two weeks ago she did the same thing. She pisses me off. I can't wait to never have to talk to her again.

Okay, wow. Becca is being a complete asshole to me, and I literally haven't done anything to her. In fact I just bought us both a 20 dollar dinner, invited her to the beach, and drove her ass around all day. And she starts being a bitch to me? WTF. I shouldn't care so much. I'm all set with hanging out with her before I leave next week then. Fuck it. Fuck best friends, I don't need them.

It a depressing mood tonight, I'm really not sure why. I've been talking to Chris for a while, I guess that we are trying to hang out on Friday. He is really good at taking pictures, and said he wants to do a preview photoshoot, if I am up for it. I told him that I'd be cool with it if he could make me look pretty haha. I hate feeling so down. It always happens at the worst times.

So I have newboys in my life. Crazy. Chris: Talks to me all the time all of a sudden. I've only hung out with him once, and we didn't talk a whole lot. But he added me on facebook and we talk everyday, probably right when I wake up to when I go to bed. He seems chill, just moved though, so I probably won't see him much. But we are hanging out this weekend when he is visiting. Kevin: Cool kid, he knows Becca too. We are going on a date this week, probably Wednesday. Nick: He lives in Nashua, he seems pretty chill, he is only 18 though. Still in school too. But we are hanging out this weekend too. I love making friends :) I am so social haha.

So it turns out that my loans were not approved because my mom messed up on the forms and marked the wrong dates. Thus I can't afford to go to school. I called the school so that I could try and fix it, luckily I could. It will take another few days to go through, which sucks because tuition is due on the 28th. I'm hoping everything will be okay. Me and my mom are fighting again because she just hates me. Not only that, but she wont just admit to making a mistake. She thinks she is so much better than I am, and I can't stand it anymore. I'm just frustrated. I have decided that I am not going to bother trying to talk to Dan anymore. He only wants me around when it's good for him, and I am the one who tries to figure stuff out. He doesn't care anymore. Definitely that last time I hook up with somebody without actually having something with them. I have way too many emotions. For once, I am going to forget about guys. I am going to hang out with my friends and not worry about hooking up, or having feelings for people. I am going to focus on myself for the next two week. I am going to start my diet, today is day one. I am going to work out like its my job. I don't have to worry about eating at work because my last day was Friday. I can already tell that things will get better. That I will get better.

Spent the weekend in Vermont. I enjoyed it. I haven't really talked to anybody other than Haley for a few days, took a much needed break from stupid things. I am still sorting out things for school, which is in two weeks.