Hi all, im back from my honeymoon . I lost my mother's bracelet,  that was a wedding gift.  Im so upset still. We went antiquing, i got mad at husband because we went to too many places, and he never takes photos of me while i took a lot of him so we dont know at which point it was lost.  Ruined honeymoon pretty much.  If there is a higher power i wish my bracelet will come back to me.  I don't want to feel guilt and sadness anymore. 

I found out from a text message from my dad this morning. I saw the text on my ten minute break at work. Came back composed, but as soon as someone talked to me I started bawling. The worst thing is that my mum doesnt even know, dad told me not to tell her. He found out from my uncle. I thought he would tell her tonight but he plans to tell her in the morning. I just can't right now. At least they let me go home from work but i feel so embarrassed that i started crying in front of people who dont even know my name. Ugh. 

She was 81 years old. As usual my intj partner is not good at comforting me. But also he is also dealing with his own thing right now. He is doing much better actually. Right now i feel sad, low mood and guilty.

Im sitting in the bathroom,  wet hair, dont wanna come out its been 45 min, since ive seen my partner.  Im feeling desperate,  my partner went to the hospital 2 days ago because of depression and thoughts of self harm.  I had to stop him from doing something to himself.  Now i feel like a prisoner in this family. I dont get a moments peace. Just a moment ago  his mother was yelling a question at me through the bathroom door. I really don't want to talk to his family or even my partner right now,  he is an empty shell. It hurts me to see him like this. Thank you for listening. 

I'm really hoping covid doesnt cancel my wedding. please God, pleaseeeee. We're so close now, it will be nice weight of my chest once it's done. I don't wanna postpone. Pleaseeeee.

How kind of you to stir my dull heart, and my even duller mind. To even give me a glimmer of hope in the darkness, behind the veil of tears. How nice that I am a person and not a creature of existence. Thank you, thank you thank you. The air is now bareable. My sadness is deeply rooted like a tree fed with years of negativity, anxiety and hatred. For that I am sorry. I'm sorry I cannot bloom, I cannot beam a light. I'm sorry I cannot help others. 

Moonlight rays gentle slumber, sweet words, sweet rhythmic breaths. The peaceful surroundings are more than i deserve.  Soft embrace: let me never forget the smell of sweet soft hair. A calm to my mind. Where there is no rhythm or rhyme. My sweet sweet love. All mine.