wah

i came here to rant. my boss is an asshole. cares about money too much. asshole bleh.i feel so shitty being told off all the time. theres not enough relaxing things to do to get the work stress off my mind. so i rant. fuck youuuuuu sir, fuck you sincerely.

still dont feel any better, bleghhh

I went into my relationship thinking it be like any online flirting relationship, no strings attached. At first he was flirty, and I was not, to be honest I thought my boyfriend was too young and immature for me. I treated him like a child, which i really regret. Because when i ask him these things "do i treat you like a child?" he says "sometimes". I'm taken aback by this because he never mentioned it. He doesn't tell me how he is feeling unless a question comes up, which bothers me. I asked him tonight "what do i do that annoys you" and he asks "recently?" i say yes. He says "sometimes when you're not sad you treat me as though im there to be there" "like I'm there just to make you happy". I see my boyfriend in a different light because he is not open with me, this is the first time i heard in his voice that he was fighting back "will you let me finish my sentence?". I'm kind of happy i got to see this side of him, how he really feels, he usually hides his feelings from me, just to protect me. But i feel it's natural to fight in the relationship to establish balance, but when i start to fight or cry about something, he will just say sorry, and this makes me more angry, because i feel like he doesn't care. I feel guilty and hurtful, and wanting to hurt his feelings. When i tell him "he doesn't care" he says it really hurts him, because it's saying i don't appreciate him. I feel that he doesn't show it in his actions, that he cares, he says in his words, but his actions are what i look for. Over this LDR it is just impossible to maintain happiness. what i want him to do, is do something for me. just take some time out of his to do something for me, not just do it because im angry at him. something like drawing me a picture. or singing to me. I never want him to do it because im sad, just to cheer me up, but because he wants to do it. I don't know what i really want out of this relationship. I idolise my boyfriend too much. I just see his height and green eyes, and think he is perfect. But he hurts me, he doesn't give me enough attention to satisfy me. He often can't hear what i say. i think that is a pronounciation barrier. Seems the world can't understand what i'm saying. But i have a big mind, and a small heart. This heart holds one person at a time, and sadly to say sometimes it is myself, and i forget my boyfriend. I forget to appreciate him. I just wish we could go back to the start of our relationship.

Also he moves way too fast. He wants us to move in together, I want it too. But realistically think we have spent a max of 3 days together at a time. I don't want living together to break our relationship.

im probably going to drop out of uni. make that most likely.

but the whole process of leaving is giving me a headache.

im listening to the bf sing songs from pandora. he is cute.

i dont know how i feel right now. very very 50-50. listening to songs which aren't sad, but sound sad. (silversun pickups - three seed-on my pandora radio)

sadddddd

just saying hi.

i miss my canadian friend that i used to talk to on here.

i wonder if she still comes here.

the bf is capped until next week :(

i should really be studying. but cant be fucked, im really stressed.

i spent the last 3 hours drawing a profile banner and fixing up my twitch page. im happy with the way it turned out. rahhhh i'll add more characters eventually, maybe tomorrow.

my parents and i went out to stocklands, then had dinner at a vietnamese resteraunt. and then we went to woolworths buying the basics, also chocolate milk, which my mum bought for my dad nom nom. 

dont stop

dont stop talking to me.....

having a real good one.

my relationship is tough, like hairs of a voodoo doll destined to burn.

burn in all hell seeking, putrid spitting hatred.

shallow water, we both lie in, bleeding and burning.

so much hurt and tears, hiding and fighting.

i weaken him, he is going to snap, unlike me i snap every day

i am truly afraid of what he will do when he breaks

or when we break up, i will die. im nothing without him.

yet everything is still fine

i find the fibres tearing in this line.

from phone to phone. 

the sex is not great, we do not have much in common

yet he loves me, it what keeps me holding on,

i love him, though it is questionable

thinking of the times we are together make me weep, and feel all the longing

"why couldn't you live closer"

"why dont you buy me nice things"

"why are you always playing video games"

i should not take this so seriously

if i could find one person in this world who truly understands me

i will be happy

it's been awhile since i've been here. I'm glad to see familiar faces. Not so long ago i turned 21. i invited about 10 people to my bday day out, and only one person came along. But i'm grateful that she came. we had a nice day and we had burritos and boost. I've been on an emotional rollercoaster. I distinctly remember crying on my birthday because people who i thought were my friends didn't wish me a happy birthday on facebook. They did so the next day so I soon got over it.

Now I have some shit with centrelink that I have to sort out. Apparently I missed an appointment, yet I never received a letter for this appointment, and the letter that i received was for an appointment on the 17th of this month.

As for my relationship, were getting through it. I just realised my boyfriend is really stingy when buying things. He hasn't bought me a birthday present yet and i doubt that he will. he made me a video instead, it was a 30 second video saying "Happy Birthday" and that he loved me. I don't know if i should be upset that he didn't get me anything or if i'm a shallow girlfriend. I forgive him. 

he wants to move out with me. I think that is really rushing it, and he doesn't think through the complications of us living together. Though we talk to each other everyday, we've only spent about a weeks worth of time actually together. 

Nothing else interesting on my end, aside from the fact my grandma decided to stay here for a week, then said she wanted to stay another week, and who knows maybe another. It pissing me off because she is sleeping in my bed with me and she goes to bed at 8pm and wakes up at 5am. She woke me up a 3 this morning, because she shook the bed and got up to go to the bathroom. Then again at 6, rustling plastic bags. I'm tired as always.....

Song hype - Angus and juliastone - big jet plane

the kills - no wow

i really wish my bf was here. it's been about 5 and half weeks since i last saw him.

i wish i could hug him forever.

i recently started streaming games on twitch. mostly playing lol, rs, and l4d. dont really want to stream lol anymore, i yell too much. it's pretty much the only game i rage at. i haz 21 followers. yay

my arm hurts. i have an exam tomorrow.

i miss shar. my friend on skype. she's been talking to this guy.

i finally deleted nick. my ex friend on skype.

i remember when i was here on sm 3 years ago and wanted to fit in. i was quite new to social networking. didnt know how to talk properly. was overly nice.

just wanted to come back and say hi.

goodnight

my friend said something today which was pretty smart and funny about the new MBV album. thought i might share it

[10:10:07 AM] : which is why i described it more as three EPs released together
[10:10:28 AM] : EPs named m, b, and v respectively :)

it just made me laugh a little.