Sad girl posting here. How long has been it? Awhile... I'm not in a healthy relationship, it doesn't feel healthy to me. Maybe I'm not healthy but I'm starting to have my doubts. SO and I have different views to life. I'm not a dominant person, he wishes I was more dominant. I don't think that will work out in the long run, since I seek a dominant person too. SO is more health focused than I am, in the future I know I will be lazy and disappoint SO. I am a messy person and he is clean, so we can't live together. I can't sleep over at his house because I mess up his sleep, when I just want to be able to have sleepovers at my boyfriends house. Also our attitudes to diet, I do not want my child to grow up vegan, I'm happy if they grew up vegetarian and made the choice to become vegan by themselves. I guess they eat whatever they'll. I feel so conflicted. I feel that I should not continue this relationship because of the minor issues and conflicts, but I really do care about him, and have fun being around him. I need more than anyone can give me. I don't think I deserve to be with anyone now, I can't stay happy and be happy. I feel like a give a lot and get run over by people around me, I am a pushover. Unhappy. 

i just want you to be my boyfriend, i want you to be there for me. I can't stop the tears from flowing all these feelings are rushing out of me. my own insecurities eating out at me. Im crying and screaming into my pillow trying to muffle the sounds. I don't want any one to come in.

All these things I try to bury. Work, my ex, charlie, my current so. all these things are coming oout of me. I don't feel mentally stable after what that stupid coworker said to me today. I feel like he put me on a pedestal just to gawk at me. I fucking hate people like that, why does society have to be so cruel. 

SO please listen to me, I just want you to feel your love, in times of need, not be rejected by you, i feel so terrible. godammit. nobody hear to cry on. i need a therapist or something

i'll be sad now. feeling sad because i was put under emotional stress. I fucking hate people, why did a creepy man talk to me today, i just want to hug my boyfriend, it pains me, i have emotional needs. I want to be hugged. I feel like crying right now. 

After work, I was waiting for the bus at the bus stop. Mind you by the time the bus picked me up it was 7 min late, also there was no one else on the bus.. so what gives. As I was standing by the curb at 3:41 where my bus was supposed to arrive, I just kept listening and watching the cars driving past, they were so close to me, I just felt like stepping in front of one. I wanted to feel my body explode into pieces, but then I kept thinking about the people in those cars, and how it would be cruel to them.

My intelligence has dropped over the years, I don't know why, do I have some sort of disease. I'm not as smart as I used to be. I wish I saw my bf today, I need a hug.

my mum is so annoying. it's 1am. and she opens mydoor to get toilet paper in my room, my lights are off, and she doesnt knock, so fucking irritating. i could have been asleep. why the fuck is the toilet paper in my damn room anyway. it should be in the fucking toilet. i really hate my life.

I feel your pain. I miss my ex sometimes as well. Maybe it's this time of the year to mourn past love while new love blooms. I feel like I'm falling in love, but I don't want to. My heart is tightly grasped and he tugs me close until I'm enclosed with his warmth and scent. It's such a light warm feeling. His smile breath and scent, and the stubble of his chin. I am falling in love. Even before I found any love I was a hopeless romantic. It pains me to think about my ex now and them, it seems like when I'm alone something will trigger the thought of him, and all I want to do is go back, but then i remind myself why we broke up. It may have been a bad idea to start a new relationship when I was still wasn't fully healed from my last one.

I write to you because I'm upset from work. I didn't do a good job today. I didn't stand at the til while I polishing cutlery talking to the girl working at the bar. I am bad at focusing, then a lady was just waiting there. and the chef told me off. I'm so bad :( I want to kick myself in the head and cry. Overall I did a good job but this job is pretty hard, I'm at one place while having to focus my attention on two things at once, and the customers come swooping in from the entrance to the counter, and it's partially blocked by some plant decor shit so i can't see them. it's unfair. I should put the bell up from under the counter so they can ring for me. because i'm bad.

I couldn't help but feel sad. What a sad scene, a sick girl with a cold, spooning out large amounts of icecream on a plate. I'm so hungry, but there is nothing for me to eat, so i go to the food that is least healthiest for me. in the fridge there is braised pork belly, and fried fish. What is there left for me, one slice of cheese, already ate it. 1 tub of yogurt, my mum has claimed it. 3 bottles of milk ...urk. some vegetables cooked in oyster sauce which i can't have. there's not even bread in my fridge. this is such a first world problem, but i'm struggling to cope with vegetarianism from time to time. I'm denying myself of things i used to enjoy and it depresses me. That dish looks so good, i can't have it because it has meat in it. Chef hands me a spoon and urges me to try his dish. sorry chef i can't have it. booo. what im left with a plate of vegetables.*cries inside* ok i'll go cook for myself now.

see you later

The pangs of emotional distress send me over, and I feel the demons entering my dreams. The demons have a distorted way of speaking, almost like snippets of white noise, and they have jagged teeth, but aside from that they appear very humanlike. In my dreams, they are my friends, I feel I can relate to them because they are neglected by the rest of the world. Last night I found them in an abandoned place in the urban sprawl, the walls are lined with graffiti and vines, mildew dripping down the walls, and the place smells of damp and it's cold, but i feel safe here. they welcomed me with kindness when i entered their place last night. i remember it quite clearly, I was lost, and found an abandoned building, there was bedding and there was also trinkets on the shelves and as i walked closer to bed which was mouldy and damp, i could see this sleeping form, it was a lady around 50-60 years old, she had dark skin, and . as i approached her i heard a noise behind me, turned around and saw a vampire like figure. he was around 30, and very pale skin and darkbrown hair, his skin was cracked and flaking and he had red eyes. i felt a sense of panic, turned my head back to the llady, but she was standing in front of me now. i was surrounded by two demons, who were just staring at me. then out of nowhere i  see a floating demon baby, who doesn't look human at all, it's skin is black and red, and it has black horns. the lady goes towards to baby, and starts talking to it in a ery motherly way even though i couldn't understand what she was saying, she is hugging it and patting it's back. and the guy walks infront of me and grins widely, then he lies down in front of me. for some reason, maybe mind control i start giving him a shoulder rub, and then he transforms into a semi tanned regular guy around 20 years old, all the while looking at me, smiling. 

I wrote the previous post on my phone, and it was too laggy on my phone to write something properly. My mind has gone blank again, what was I going to say. I had a nice day. Now I'm worrying about what the voice in my head sounds like to others. I am miss annonymous to you. yes indeedy. I'm like you fellow annonymous. You have great music tastes. and thanks for accepting my friend request on last.fm. I admire your character in this world, we are all characters in the game of life aren't we?  Um,  let me crack open my heart like an egg on my keyboard and tell you about stuff. So i'm looking into my religion, reading posts and articles on Buddism as well as reading a book on buddhism, that was given free from the temple I usually go to. I have been on a vegetarian diet for two weeks, there has been the occasional meat product in my food. that has happened three times. when i went to the restaurant with my parents and my mum couldn't finish her noodles soaked in fish broth i helped her eat it, but rinsed the noodles with the tea provided. and then i ate dry noodles rinsing that off under the sink and putting my own veg sauce on. and tonight eating with my "romantic interest" i ate noodles with oyster sauce on them. im still adhering to the veg diet, because i feel better reducing suffering in the world.

my bed is very soft and snug, and large. I love feeling craddled and covered. i've been meaning to hang out with my best friend for our once a month meetups but im so busy. i so want to hang out with her again, but lately i just feel like i want to hang out with one person. i really don't want to be 'overly attached girlfriend;'  

Hello world.. through the ripples of laughter and the smoke of water I found you again. No matter how stagnant the water is I find my way back to you. Though you may die before I reach you. Life is truly beautiful here