id rather like; a whole heap of new clothes; including ripped skinny jeans, and a marshal mathers ep tshirt and a polariod camera and my girlfriend to be with me, lying on a massive bed, with bedposts, and a canopy, covered in pillows, in the middle of a forest, with jewel bright flowers and pretty music just me and her;; lying there, cuddling, strokking, kissing in our underwear.

I wake, to the sound of a gate creaking, a door opening. Not wishing to wreck a moment that has been so long in arriving, I lay back down, trying to sleep. Hair covering your face, to hide the smile that cannot be removed, body already shivering in anticipation. She walks through the door, looking so beautiful, as always, the most beautiful person I know. And she is mine. This girl, she sits down on the side of the bed, brushes the hair from my face. Unable to feign sleep, yet still lulled by it, I sit up, and pull her face to mine. That kiss. In real life, better than imagined. Wrapped still in the quilt, covering those scars, that top though, it cannot contain my breasts, they spill, out, her glance, stays, glued to them; As if some secret signal passed between us, She’s on top of me in seconds

or does it? im not so sure it had been so long, i haavent thought bout cutting, then i read that she wants to its not that i want to so much just that now im thinking about it [its not in anyway your fault babe] and rGAGGGGGE guys, i dont think it is any of your fucking business whether i shave or not, and i REALLY dont enjoy it when there are five of you, while im there disucussing it, im not fucking you, its not your problem umm, i want to see her, she makes me smile "come over sunday and we'll just fall asleep together' i hope you can come tommorow night and parents, stop bitching about me i CAN HEAR, and i dont give a flyign fuck, iv done SOME, i will do MORE, iv lost it, and YES i have friends just FUCK off i guess, im grumpy, im sick of people thinking im a slut, that iots okay to grope me, im over it, and when i say no, they dont really listen, i guess it bexause, im stillaffectionate? whatecverrr i DONT liek it, so FUCK off i need sleeppp its not ALL so bad; SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY and i have a cool NEwer room, ish but i need money and less weight maybe i will cut?? nahhh i should jus slleeppp \and find my piano books, and clothess oh FUCK THIS SHIT.

Its been onefuckinglong day. Nightmares. Early lesson. Late lesson. Shock revelation by friend. Heat. Crappy junk for tea. i am wrecked, I cannot even begin to comprehend the idea of homework. And, im feeling justcrap. Im worried, about formal, about telling mum and dad I wanna take J. I unno, and if I do, then iv gotta go through some stupid thing with school, you gotta fill in some form or summat. Is not as bad as wesminster, if ya wanna go with someone of the same sex, then you have to have counseling from your head of house, the concillor and the principle and they all tell you not to take them. I don’t think its as bad here, but, dad had this massive talk to me the other day, about being careful, and not flaunting our relationship, I don’t care about that, but that’s probably what they’d see it as. And, part of me, a small part, kinda wants to do the whole take a guy thing. Im just not sure. I know though, if I go with J ill have the most amazing time, but I think, if I tell the rentals, and theyr really against it, I don’t think ill fight them, I just cannot fucking be bothered, I suppose, If they don’t let me take her to formal, then I could argue to see her more. I unno, I JUST DON’T KNOW, Everyone, all my friends, my whole year is cool with it. And, thinking back, to Js party, at Christmas, it was sogreat, and honestly, we look fucking great together, Just, Im not sure. Im too tired, I want j. just to have, to hold, to kiss, to cuddle, just to be here.

and baby i miss you writing. xx

i have actually done all my homework made a start on assignments if i tidied up my room now, and did yoga id be your little good girl. theyr gonan freak when i tell em i wanna take Jay to formal. and i REALLY want to, shes my specialspecial girl but they will freak and i just dont know im fellign crap i dont like it i want out of my home

i saw my jay this morninggg i went to watch her play tennis, shes fucking sexy as hell in that little skirtt (: she lost but meh babe, my lips are still tingling from that single kiss, way to leave me wanting moreeee adn morrreee and moreee im home now, just me, my fantasies, a stack of homework and screaming parents seriously, this house, this fucking shed, seems to attract bad vibes and hold them captive I. HATE. IT. oh, and jaybee has a stalker, whoopdefuckingdo i know im not the jealous type but,, oi, stay away from her shes MINNEEEE, and yeah she doesnt want you, nahnahnah nah nah :P homework can fuck itself, hoensltty. I DONT WANNA DO YEAR 12 *hissyfit fhweflyuore4ft im off to randomly google some more, why not 'its for art' (;

i hate early morning lessons and homework and being tired and school and i dont want to do it and i want my girl, please, i need her, coz last time, i didnt get to kiss her and yeah id like to see her this weekend, please (:

luke its not cool, to have this saved in your favourites and for you to read it i dont wan you reading it please thankyou.

jus back from retreat. exhausted im finding it funny i prefer 110 teenagers to 5 family members year 12, im a bit chille dbout it more, like i can get an anggregate score of around 87, and still get a ter of around 95, wierrrrddd eyy umm, yeah retreat was grett (: spent heaps of time with gcrom, taking photos, DnMing dancing, yoga at ungodly hours, iv kinda decieded that 'amybe its not my weekend, but its gonn be my year is my motto for yaer 12 oHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AND jays my formal date (: yes im SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOveryfucking excited (: oh and baby, ah last night on the phonee, i lovelovelove you words cant describe