I hate everyone, to be honest. I just need to get out of this god-forsaken house. I hate my mother, I don't hate my brother or sister, but my mom counts for them. She said that we get report cards soon, and that she better get it today and if any of my grades went down, everything is over. And guess what? My grades went down in Chem. I left a backpack in the cellar when doing the laundry, and she calls me all these things that a mother never calls a child. Im retarded, fat, a bitch, half ass, fucking waste of life. What kind of mother makes there kid cry more than anyone else does? My mother does. Every day for the past 11 years of my life. Its about time that I get used to it right? Well I can't. I'm ready to go now.

I hate it when I tell people that I don't want to talk because I am not feeling well, and I have a head ache, and then I get yelled at for it. Everyone always takes what I say and use it against themselves, saying how I treat them badly because I dont want to talk. Well pardon me for being sick. I'll try harder next time just to make you happy, since it's always about you. I want to make you proud, but I really don't know how.

I went to work today at 5:45 AM, it was crazy. I have done that twice now, and its not a big deal but I only had to stay for an hour and I can't go back to sleep. The sun is trying to come out, but once again it is shut down. I don't think it has stopped raining in 3 weeks. I am going to a party tonight, first one of the summer. It should be fun. My birthday is in 13 days. Alex is coming in 12 and I get my license in 15. This is great. Its been a good day so far. When did we think that this would be easy? We must have been out of our minds.

Nothing will top the feeling I had when I found that dress. Nothing. forever, forever.

I have found it. I have found the dress. It is perfect. It is little, M, which is great for me, and and is black, so it is sexy as I wanted it to be. Me and Darling are going out for my birthday in 2 weeks, and its going to be spectacular. I can't wait. Plus, I am getting my license in 17 days, at 8 AM. STOKED. You found me, you found me.

This weekend was long and eventful. I have bruises all over my face and I am simply exhausted. Saturday was the worst day of my life, and I would rather not talk about it, for it will bring back memories I want to forget. I am so short tempered today too, I read a message and saw the meaning behind it, and it got me extremely angry. He made me feel like I did something wrong when I did nothing. He said that if we didn't get along, then he would be gone, not just from my life (which I could care less because I hate the bastard) but from my friends as well. Well that's not my problem. It is simply infuriating. I hope he gets hit by a bus, honestly. Seeing that would complete my life, and this is the one thing I will never regret saying, after all the crap he has created. Well hey baby, I dare you to wrap your legs around me.

The sun is shining for the first time in weeks, finally we are taking a break from this perminent rain. I woke up to a mother screaming, and breaking down everything I have created in the past 1 1/2 years, they only thing that I hold onto with my life. I am dominated by fear in my own house. I miss Adam, I need to talk to him again. I won't let this die.

I was just talking to Darling, and of course he just shuts me down. I try to be all cute and cuddly and such but he just says, okay I'm going out bye. Well if that right there isn't a complete shut down, I don't know what is. He doesn't understand that it bothers me. That I want to talk to him, especially before I go away for the weekend. It's a mutual thing, a relationship. I am there for him and he is there for me, but it seems like I am always the one there for him, and he's not there for me. I've got to stay strong, just keep moving on.

I want to make you proud but I dont know how. I am really excited for the next few weeks, so much is happening. Darling is coming for my birthday, I am getting my license before he comes, schools letting out, and summer is just beginning. Gosh, I am ready to hit the beach. Come with? You know I've got this friend up in the atmosphere, another reason not to fear the sky.

He confessed his love for me. And I am scared. I dont know what to do, I love Darling but I dont want Him to be hurt. I am not leaving Darling. He is my soul mate. But I feel so bad. Dilemma that nobody understands. wont you please just come back home.