I thought of two movie ideas last night. Both during my little Acting/Daydream things. -------- The first was because I was a new character on 30 Rock. And I made up this: Backstory, I am Tina's long lost son. Jack: "What are your plans for tonight?" Me: "OH! I Have a date!" Jack: "Oh, really? It wouldn't happen to be with... Harry Potter would it?" Me: "No! No, actually. It's not! It's with . . Luke.. Skywalker." Actually that doesn't have to do with the movie. I think I edited it into something like this.. Jack: ".. for tonight?" Me: "Tonight is movie night, actually." Jack: "Wasn't last night movie night?" Me: "No, Wednesday nights are Dinner and A Movie. Thursday is 'Movie Night.' You should come." Jack: "What's the movie?" Me: "It's called "Je me touche." It's a french movie about this transvestite who chops his penis off with a pocket knife and then sodomises himself with it.." So that was movie idea #1. ======= The next one, I will say I was really proud of. Mostly for the title of it. Don't judge me for this. So the daydream was that me and Andrew Garfield were at some interview together. (Idk why we were together.) But the interviewer asks Int.:"So, do you think you two will ever do a movie together?" Andrew: "No." Int.: "Oh? How come?" Me: "Well... there's just too much sexual tension between us. You know, we'd probably end up playing brothers, and it just wouldn't be right to have that kind of chemistry on set, you know? I mean, it'd work if we were brothers from Alabama. Actually, That would be perfect! We're gay brother from Alabama. And sinc we're in that state, the brother part is ok, but the Gay part, well, they torch us for it. So we move to a more Northern state, Missouri, no just kidding. Idk, like New Hampshire or something. And now, the gay part is almost Required, but the brother part is immoral. So, no matter where we go, they hate us. But we love eachother, and so we prevail. He would then be.. my .. Broyfriend? My.. Boyther? What's another name for Boyfriend? . . Significant . . OH MY GOD! It's Perfect! My Significant Brother! That's what it will be called! Andrew, You'll be my Significant Brother!" We wen't on more, but I'll end it there. That movie would be Way too controversial though, so It wouldn't work. I tried figuring out a way I could change it. And so I made it into a comedy. Like, a Two brothers are just TOO close, and so it ruins relationships with their girlfriends. Still called "My Significant Brother"

I had this nightmare last night that I want to share. Because this is a journal, and it's what I'm supposed to do. Right? So, it started when I was in this computer class for this agency. It as in this big warehouse room. Then somehow I got in this fight with someone, and we were fighting. He really pissed me off. I thew him into this room to lock him in there (The door was one of those heavy resto-freezer type doors) He threw a punch at me while i was shutting the door and yelled "Go To Hell" So I slammed the door and conveniently, next to it was a thermostat. So I turned it as high as it goes so He could burn in Hell. (It only want to 70 though.) But I guess when I slammed the door, I busted his head, and he fell to the ground. So I opened the door and saw him laying on the floor, split open. Then i turned the temperature to 0 (as low as it went) And shut the door. Then I heard a zamboni driving in that room. So I open the door to look, and it's running over the body. Crunching every bone. I freak out and go running back to the warehouse room. I see this other guy laying on the floor who I guess we got in a fight with, but I don't remembe it. He is still alive, but he was still and quiet, so you couldn't really tell from looking at him. But remembering the situation with him freaks me out, and I run back into the backroom where the other body was because the Zamboni already passed. The body was gone. But as I ran across it to get away, there were little tiny peices of flesh scattered all down the hallway. So I run over them, trying not to step on them all. As I get to the end of the hall, there's a door. But behind it, I hear a roaring, and then a loud Crunch. Like a woodchipper. The Zamboni guy was grinding up the half-alive guy. So I book it back down the hall. Because this guy is insane. And I find this dark area that looked good for hiding. I run into it and it's some kind of storage for cafeteria tables. So I run to the corner to hide, but half way down, Zamboni Guy opens that freezer-like door (Which is attached to the storage room). So I duck and slide, but I know he saw me. So I scream. (smart) He shouts "Kitchen Table Corner Kid can TALK??" (Backstory, apparently I'm this kid who can't/doesn't talk. Like, I literally say Nothing. And "Kitchen Table Corner Kid" is apparently my nickname from him because I would always sit in the corner of the cafeteria, in this little space made by the extra tables. Funny how that happened now, in the story.) So I scream again and run towards him. "Holy Crap, He speaks again!" And as I'm running towards him, I wake up. It was kind of creepy.

I'm a skinny nobody who isn't even qualified to take tickets from 10-year-olds. -- I came to that realisation today during one of my act-out-daydream things. I was telling it to my dad in my daydream. Because I don't think he realises how much it kills me. How I suffer everyday knowing that my life is . . . well, shit. It's actually worse than shit, because at least shit has a destination. My life is shit that has been shat on the kitchen floor of an abandoned cottage, left to harden unless eaten by some rabid coon. ======================== I need to refresh. I'm in the mood to do so. I need to clean/get rid of a ton of stuff in my room. Torching the place seems to be the only solution at this point. I need a haircut. But This time, I want it short. I've been working on refreshing myself from Dailybooth. I want these conversations to end. They've gone on WAY way way too long for me. Some people talk too much. === I just want to be refreshed. Not wiped out and restarted. Although that wouldn't be half bad. Actually . . . ======== I've been watching a lot of movies lately. I've seen 7 in the last 4 days. I should probably sleep though. I'm sick of waking up at 12:30 every morning. Aurevoir.

I watched three movies about killers today. (The Craigslist Killer, Scream, and Scream 2). And had a long daydream/whatever-you-call-it where I went to a psychiatric hospital, similar to the kid in It's Kind Of A Funny Story. I still need to see that, by the way. But when I saw that preview for the first time, I thought "1) That kid's similar to me and 2) I would kind of like that" I read a random paragraph of the book this morning from Chapter 2, maybe, and he was describing himself and what's wrong with him, and It's Just like me. So my daydream was that I was pretty normal, but just odd enough to be put into the wing, and then a long while later, my parents visited me and I changed. (I will let you know, I was acting all this out. I was feeling very... idk, but sometimes I act things out when I'm alone.) I stuttered a lot more, I had stopped mid-sentence a lot more. I was more disorderly. And then I was talking to them about something, I guess about my friends I made, and then I looked at them (still acting this out in my room, laying on my bed) and I said "... I know what you're thinking. You think i've changed. Well, I haven't. I'm still same ol' Matt. Just more pronounced." And then I Went on and on about how I like it there. And I'm telling you, it was touching. I wish I had it recorded (if you could record a whisper) because It was amazing. Because in my dream-ish-thing, I opened up to my parents, and I admitted to them of being sad, and hiding it from everyone, including Me. And how people understand me here, and they accept me and all my flaws. So, I have an irrational hatrid towards stickers and shirts with writing on them. At home, you guys will nag at me for that, but here, they say "Alright. It's not like you're afraid of Air, nothing's wrong with that. I just won't give you stickers or make you wear stupid shirts" And I remember talking about how in the real world, nobody sees me for what I really am. Like, on the outside, I look normal, just like everyone else. But in reality, the me that nobody sees, I'm a wreck. I had dreams and aspirations in elementary and middle school. I was actually going to Be someone. But once 10th grade hit, I plummited. And now I'm this person who has no skill and no future. How I have no use in this life, really. I'm just taking up space and oxigen. And no one sees that, because it's all a game. I really wish I had it on record. The whole of it was moving. I even had a tear go right down my left cheek. You might think I'm strange for actually, Seriously, acting it all out. I whispered Every line to two imaginary people sitting across from my bed. Sometimes looking at them, sometimes looking at the ceiling. And I went on and on. It was a good scene for a movie, if it were a movie. Good length, and good emotion. =============== So all in all, a good day right? Filled with psychotics. What could be better? Au revoir.

I'm going to see Aladdin, the play, tonight. Mary's sister didn't want to go, but I convinced her by reminding them of Jafar. We have this inside joke with Jafar. (The 3 of us, plus another girl) But it turns out that Jafar is played by this Really Weird kid from High School. Jafar should be weird, but not this kind of weird. He should be an eccentric weird. But this kid is weird as in.. "Why are you wearing a tail? And what's with the voice? And um.. what are you talking about? Oh, um, ok, you're grabbing my lanyard. There it goes, you just pulled it off my neck to look at my ID to see who I was.. Although you should know me, you were in my french class. Thank you for remembering me. WHAT Are you Talking about???" You can't help but laugh at him in plays... because he's just so Weird. And he thinks he's the shit. ---------------------- OH! Last night, I went to Starbucks with some friends and I ordered my first Starbucks product. A smoothie. BUT The cashier (who I know from High School) asked me "So... Are you engaged? I heard you were engaged." "Uhm.. am I? Who.. uhm.. Who am I engaged to?" "I don't know. But I heard you were" I think it must be the other kid with my name in town. If not, then I want to know who my fiancee in this rumor is. Yeah. Well. Au revoir.

Chicago wasn't bad. Not a moment did I think "I don't want to be here." But I ate subway twice. total of 1.5 feet of Sub Sandwich, and Oh my God, my stomach didn't like me for that. I was ripping at the seems. I'm not a man of big eats. Nothing special really happened though, so don't worry about it being a super long journal, for all the none of you who read my journals. ====== You know what I want? 1) A scarf. 2) Bowling shoes. Like, legit, Old, used, ugly bowling shoes. I always want to steal them and use them as casual footware. 3) One of those hats that have the furry ear flap things.. Idk what their called. A people shooting hat. But a good one, not one of those lame ones that are like, plastic or whatever. I put one on at Walgreens today, and it was pretty warm. I've never worn a hat though. Or a scarf. Or gloves. I just wear a coat. I'm tough....... Idk. Au Revoir.

Ugghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Happy New Years Eve. If you've known me since the beginning of my time here, you may know that I hate New Years. It depresses me. The Death of 2010. Last year was the Death of 2009. Honestly, I don't even remember you. This was a good year though, for me. I mean, compared to my other years, this was a good year. =================== But there's a New Years "Party" I'm to go to tonight. It's at Whosit's house. It's a family party. Our gang of 6 was supposed to go. But the twins can't go, and another can't go. So that leaves 3. Me. Whosit. And Whatsername (I wish I could remember their nicknames) Whosit is going to have to talk to other people considering it's her family's party. I don't want to sit in that house for hours and hours just talking to one/two people. Especially Whosit because I can't talk to her. She's too. . . She just doesn't get sociality. It's one thing not to like it. To be shy. To be quiet. But she just doesn't understand it. She says the wrong things at the wrong time. She says things that should never be said, because they are vocal taboo. She tells girls that a certain boy likes her because She likes the boy and is upset about it. She tells her mom that a certain boy took a bottle of alcohol out of the fridge and jokingly said "How about we drink this?" And now the mom makes sure she hides the alcohol when we come over because she thinks we are going to drink it. All because a certain person made some stupid not-even-a-joke. Why would you tell her that? That's not a vocal thing. I wish I could hear those conversations. ======================= Anyways. You know who else is going to be at this party? My next-door-neighbors. I've lived here 6 years, and I've never met my neighbors. Apparently, they don't even know I exist. When Whosit showed them a picture of me, they said "I've seen their daughter and the little boy, but I've never seen that kid before" They have no friggen idea that I'm even alive. I've made it 6 years without them knowing me, I'd like to continue that. But no. I have to go to this party that they are at. I'm going to Have to introduce myself. Because we're going to be in the same house. With Whosit and Whosit's mom who are going to force me to meet them. I don't want to. I don't want to go to this party at all anymore. I'm better off alone. Ack. It's New Years. And this is how I am going to celebrate the death of the old year and birth of the new. At a party I don't want to be at full of people I don't want to be with. So I'm going to have Time to sit and think about how I won't be able to write -10 anymore. It'll be -11. ====================== We're another year into the new decade. The tens. Idk what it's called. And I'm feeling good about it. For years and years and years I've been wishing that the '10's would follow suit. How the 70's are like the 90's How the 80's are like the 00's And the 10's have potential to be the new 70's/90's I'm liking it. We'll see though. I could be making stuff up. I haven't listened to the radio that much lately to hear the crap techno. AU REVOIR. Et Adieu, 2010.

I saw Black Swan today. I didn't want to, but I saw it. I didn't hate it. It was so friggen weird though. I couldn't believe it. Not what I thought I was going to see, I can tell you that. ======= Being the gentleman I am, I held the door for everyone walking in the theater room. So I was the last of my friends. That meant that I ended up sitting at the end of the aisle. That made me feel alone, being at the end. But not only that, The person I sat next to was Mary's boyfriend. My least-friend of the group. So I couldn't play around and have fun, I just sat there the whole movie. So until the movie started, I sat in quiet, thinking about how alone I am. Fun, right? ========== When the "Water For Elephants" trailer came on, my mind lit up. "I WANT TO SEE THAT" But then I saw Robert Pattison. "Nevermind" I still want to see it. Maybe he won't be bad. I just wish he wasn't in it. ========= The "African Cats" trailer depressed me a bit. When the one lion nuzzled his head on the other lions... Damnit. It was at that moment I started to really feel alone ------------------ I just wanted someone who could sit next to me. To take the place of my coat (who was sitting on the chair next to me.) Sometimes that's all I want... Because I don't want a girlfriend. I don't want a relationship. I hate relationships. I just want a girl who is my friend. And we go to the movies all the time. And we go to IKEA and pretend we live there (Yes, like in 500 Days of Summer... but I've been doing that much longer than that movie. Me and my sister always did that when we were little kids at Colders or American). And There will be this strong connection between us. I feel it towards her. She feels it towards me. But we never say anything about it because it's our secret. And we grow so close that to an outsider, it looks like we are in a relationship, but really, we aren't. We're just that close. We would be allowed to like other people, and encourage the other to advance on it, but we never would. Not because we can't, but because we don't want to. Because there is only one bee in our bonnets. And that bee sits next to me/her at the cinema. And even though the stinging may hurt, we don't set it free, because the pain is worth it. The pain is just a reminder that someone important is in our lives. And when the pain is gone, so is that someone, and so is every that makes this life worthwhile.

I have a new friend. His name is Holden. He is about 2.25 inches tall and very thin. He is my new mp3. A "Sony Walkman" to be precise. I don't do iPods. This is my first mp3 that isn't a Sansa. And my first mp3 that I named. mp3's deserve a name though. ================ Sadly, limewire is no longer availible, so I'm trying to figure out a new way to get music. (Buy the CD's... yeah) And I will, for the CD's that I want for a collection. I have it semi-figured out, but it's the final steps that are throwing me off. Limewire was so easy. And free. And illegal, but so what, who cares. At least I'm not drinking and smoking having sex. So I think I deserve free music. I love having new music to listen to. Old music just becomes so... over-played and mundane. I don't care if it's 20 years old, as long as it's new to me. Anyways I'm going to go to bed. I might possibly be going to Black Swan *ack* tomorrow... I didn't want to go, but I need to be a friend and go for the people. I can't always be a hermit. Even if it'll cost me 8.50. Aurevoir

I think I'm taking a loss 'Cause you are waking me up Before the sun would show his face I heard you try to be quiet As you left my side But I still heard you anyway I could make a pot of coffee Maybe an omlette or two And you could tell me anything That I could do That would convince you to stay You know your hairs a mess And you aren't even dressed It's colder than it looks outside So we could sit by the fire Count up all our desires I'll take yours, and you can take mine I know I'm not perfect I'm not the ideal guy When I'm around you I get awkwardly shy So how can I convince you to stay If you could tell me anything That I could say That would convince you to stay