I forgot to tell you that with this ideological house that we are going to live in, we would have our own sitcom. Britta says it'd be like the opposite of Two Guys and a Girl, Two Girls and a Guy. And I say Instead of a Pizza Place, we'll have a Low-Cal Calzone Zone. Kate seems like someone who you can really talk to. She's the kind of person who will ask you about your day, not just about how you are. I'm hoping that this will stick. I'm hoping that we become sitcom friends. I need friends who have that sitcom-y feel. I'm tired of the friends who are numb. When I say numb, I just mean that there really is no feeling. We just kind of sit there and do nothing. And it's not the good kind of sit there and do nothing. Someone always feels awkward about it. I don't like feeling awkward about it, because I enjoy a good sit-there-and-do-nothing-but-watch-tv, but other people send off awkward vibes, and it makes me feel awkward, too. I feel like we're (I'm now talking about my old group. The group with Mary and Dee and Amy and whosit etc) falling apart. We used to hang out as a group, and now we never can anymore. So we either don't hang out much, or we hang out in small groups. The adhesive is rotting on this group. We aren't so close anymore. We saw Dragon Tattoo and went to a Hockey game in one weekend, and it felt like maybe there was some new glue added, but now I feel like it's just falling apart again. I don't want that feeling. I want to feel close to people. I want to feel like no matter what, I'll always have these people. In sitcoms, these friends are friends for life. 5evr. They may act stupid and dumb and get in fights, but they are always friends. And they are always available for each other. Doesn't that sound nice? I think it does Au revoir.

I decided I'm going to start journaling again. It probably won't last, but I feel like now's a better time than any to start back up. Life's decided to show a little respect, and I want to have a little of it documented, so I can look back and read about it. Bring back some of the feelings. Today was a good day. A very simple day, but a good one, at that. I hung out with three people, who I've never told you about, because they are new. Well, no, I have told you about them, but only briefly. Let's name them. Britta - Loves the same shows as me. Katherine/Kate - Loves the same books as me. Joe - This is the first time I've ever hung out with him. This is the third time I've hung out with Britta and Kate. We all had Chinese food. It's the first time I've ever really eaten Chinese food. It wasn't bad. The rice was dry and not sticky at all, but the "chicken" was good. My fortune was "To understand a man's mind, listen to his words" which really makes no sense to me. My words are the worst thing to listen to if you want to understand my mind. Unless you want to understand the fact that my mind is not understandable. I say things that don't make sense more than I make popsicles for cat whisperers who love to eat hamburgers. Anyways, after that, we played games. I'm one of those people who loves game night. I've wanted Game Night ever since I was a kid, and my family never went for it. We played Harry Potter Clue (basically), Pictionary, and Taboo. I kind of sucked at Pictionary, although we pulled a few stunts. Me and Joe were partners on this. I felt bad. Telling me to draw what's on my mind is a bad idea. It won't make any sense. But for Taboo, we switched. I got Britta. Steve got Kate. This is it. Me and Britta have cultural references to go by, and I knew this would be the ultimate team. Needless to say, we killed it. (That's a good thing.) That was it for hanging out. I never seem to get to hang out very long with them. It's nice while it lasts. So, I come home, and text Kate a bit. (Backstory, while waiting for Britta and Joe at the Chinese Resto, we are talking about plans for college) Kate tells me I should go to UWM, because no college in this town is any good, and UWM is pretty broad. She's going there next year. And if you remember Mary? She goes there, too. Kate said we should try to get an apartment and get a bunch of people to live in it. Probably just like, three of us. Me, Britta, and Kate, I think. Which would be fun. I'd hope. So we created a dream house to live in. Filled with a Library, Indoor pool, Bowling alley, Cinema, Art museum, the works. And then I started reading The Perks of Being A Wallflower. I'm not too far into it, yet. But I want to finish by tomorrow night. So that's my day. My life's been ok. Really not much to talk about. Absolutely nothing new since the last time you've seen me. So I'll leave you with that. With love, cest-la-vie

In the dying of the day You were only half awake While we were crying at the wake Tired eyes And alibis Rising up to murky skies And falling quick to pluralize Our broken dream But sew the stitch Scratch the itch Glue all that needs to be fixed Heal the wounded and the sick It’s not as hard as it may seem So bite down hard And take my hand Take my hand as we dive Down this road, we can hardly survive We’re half alive Shake my head, take my heart I can’t do this if you don’t play your part Don’t fall apart on me Light has gone Night has come Life has only just begun We’re all spinning for the sun Light shine on me Beauty’s golden Night is cold We’re all angels in the snow But we’re all missing that new glow So run with me Take my hand as we fly Down this road we can hardly survive We’re half alive Don’t shake your head, take my heart I can’t do this if you don’t play your part Don’t fall apart Just take my hand and we’ll fly Down this road, we’ll survive We’ll survive Take my heart, and we’ll be fine When we find the sunlight, we’ll all shine We’re all coming back to life Take my hand and we’ll fly Down this road, we’ll survive We’ll survive We’ll survive

On a park bench Not too far from where we first met Or, where I first laid eyes on you You were sitting alone Counting leaves, or speckled stones Or something. But you weren’t in this world And I just thought Maybe I could build a rocket ship Fly away from Middle America Away from everything that’s been holding me down I’d find you out there, somewhere, saying I’ve been waiting, only waiting And we don’t need this empty town You stood up and walked away I couldn’t find the words to say I couldn’t let you leave until I did Didn’t know where I was going All this time, I never found out I just followed as long as I could I just thought Maybe I could build a time machine Fly away from Modern America Away from everything that’s been holding me down I’d find you back there, counting red leaves And waiting, only waiting For a reason to leave this empty town Maybe we could build a mansion Near a crater out on Mars Away from everything that’s been holding us down They won’t find us out there, dreaming They won’t find us dreaming Of the day we leave this empty town

Give me all you’ve got I’ll take it all away I let you go but I wanted you to stay I let you go hoping you’d be back someday I guess you had it right I can’t control my pain Loving heart’s always getting in the way Maybe I’ve been dying Drowning in this sea Of loving you and you not loving me So if you walk out that door Just turn right back around And you can lift my feet off this dirty ground You can always come back Whether you run or crawl I will pick you up after the worst of falls So give me all you’ve got I’ll take it all away I let you go but I wanted you to stay I let you go hoping that you’d be back some day

Four Fifty-Two A.M. Our eyes are wide, mouths dry Of caffiene, and women in spandex Gyrating in sweat and false advertisement Reveille by the Early Bird Taps for the Late Worm Five Oh-Four A.M. I’m still in bed, eyes dry You make more coffee. Two cubes, no clouds I turn on MTV, no, VH1, no, Gyrating men Try to fall asleep But the TV’s too loud Five Ten A.M. There’s coffee in my hair And a Hellfire burn on my nose I’m awake. Wet. Sticky. Gently vindictive. A broken coffee mug on the floor I didn’t think it would break Let’s take a drive down a country road To somewhere with a sunrise view Abandoned gas stations Tall grass weighed down with dew You’ll do your best to ignore this pirate heart I’ll have my head in the wind Watching the faded white line dance A waltz with the tires An eternal dance we could all admire Six Fifty-Seven A.M. You push out your first words “You treat me just like everyone else” I’m not sure what to say, so my reply is weak I look at you, eyebrows pursed “Do you even love me?” Seven Thirteen A.M. From Highway to Gravel road A shotty bar with boarded windows Withered tiles. A hornet’s nests you poke with a stick In a park I used to know It always made me sick You pull me to a tree Fallen branches broke the swing Wormy apples that taste like wood We ring around to the softer, shady side You point out an inscription “A+M 4 EVER”

I drew a map on the back of my hand Of all the roads and boulevards behind your hair I just wanted to ask you, from this day on Could you take me with you when you’re there Love, don’t let me go Keep my tied up in this ribbon bow Lay me down in powdered snow The angels may get tangled, but they’re freer than they’ll ever know Just two more hours of this dusty sun Seven years wrapped into one Life was never this much fun Until you broke me free, two kids on the run On the run On the run We’ll run to the hills They’ll never catch us there Everybody swore They’d never seen this before Heaven and Hell at the tip of our fingers Burn us at the stakes Fire torches, metal rakes All these things we learn to hate We don’t know why, we’re just following fathers Love, don’t let me go Keep my tied up in this ribbon bow Lay me down in powdered snow The angels may get tangled, but they’re freer than they’ll ever know Just two more hours of this dusty sun Seven years wrapped into one Life was never this much fun Until you broke me free, two kids on the run Run Run We’ll run to the hills They’ll never catch us there I drew a map Of all the roads behind your hair Take me there

And because I didn't read the book yet, I liked it. (I'm ok with leaving spoilers here, since J.K. Rowling already produced a whole friggen Book of spoilers, she calls it "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows." But there won't be any spoilers... I don't think.) Professor McGonagall is one Bad-ass Mother-fucker. That's all I have to say, actually. That's all I remember. ========= But you know what? I hate when you see someone in public, and you know they'd be good for you, and you can't do anything about it, except watch them leave. Doesn't have to be romantic or anything. Just friendly, even. This kid behind us waiting in the "Harry Potter" queue seemed like my type of guy. Plaid shirt. These shorts that (though weren't the best, though a kind of short that I want) were a sign that he's some indie kid. He had nice hair. Indie hair. ..He was indie. But he wasn't like the pretentious indie. Just... indie. Plus he went there with his mom. And a teen who still goes places with his mom is the right kind of kid. I need a guy in my life. I have none. Just girls. And they're hardly in my life. And he was like... The Type of guy I want in my life. Not macho. Not quierd.. But nope. -------------------------------------- I'm bored. I need someone in my life who will actually hang out with me. Not just *plan* *one* *night* of *watching tv.*

So, tomorrow's kind of my birthday. I didn't even realise that until this morning. But it's not like anyone is acting like my birthday is coming up. My mom only just asked me what I wanted for it like, 4 days ago. My dad only used it as a reason to yell at me. And my friends? They didn't even invite me to do anything. Not a thing. My birthdays are crap. They're just another day. Not that I don't want that. I hate birthdays. But it'd be nice for people to take up the attention-giving opportunity and actually give me some attention. Good attention. Not that I want attention, I don't like it. But I'd like to be able to deny attention. I'm going to have to deal with the facebook birthday phenomenon. All these people who I don't talk to saying Happy Birthday as if they care. Although, last year wasn't too bad. People seem to sweep me under the rug. Like I care. I feel kind of passive aggressive right now.

You know what else sucks? Sunburn. I got sunburned on the 5th of July, and I've worked every day since. Not fun. Not. Fun. At. All. I was supposed to have tomorrow off, but they had me take on another shift, because they need a ton of people because this system of theirs is flawed. Trying to fit a square into a circle. That's my job. I've only had one day off this week. That was last Monday. And on Sunday and Monday next week, I get the pleasure of working 3rd Shift. I work RETAIL. Yet I work all these odd hours doing odd stuff. You know what sucks? When your have to wake up before your father to get ready for work. How your father works about an hour away and you only work 10 minutes away, yet you still have to leave before him to go to work. To work your "summer job" retail shift while he's working his actual life-long career. Waking up at 4 oclock in the morning so I can move all the shelves around, climb all over ladders, etc etc? Working from 10 PM until 6 AM 2 nights so I can completely re-arrange a whole department for the 3rd time? And not only that, but with the co-worker who gets crabby and irritated at us because we aren't perfect and are meant to polish shit. I don't not like her or anything. It's just, she's a heck of a lot better at this than us, and I understand, this department is like her baby, and we're the irresponsible uncles who feed it sugar. Eh.