I watched your head spin around
Not like Emily Rose
Just a little more beautiful than that
More like Sarah Hughes
Circa 2002
You would win the gold with your eccentricities
Beauty and charm and you don’t even notice all that

And when you dance in the stars
I see the moon light up
I feel the world in your arms
The seven wonders can’t compare to something like that
And the fire of your lips
Burning brighter than red
Burning blue in your eyes
Keeps me hypnotized as you lay down your head

So don’t slow down
We’ve got a back seat Cadillac
But we can do better than that
Run the traffic light
Nobody’s there
And the cops don’t care for two young souls
Lost in the dead of the night

And we’ll make it
Like the fire inside
No need to fake it
‘Cause we’ve never been more alive

And when you dance in the stars
I see the moon light up
I feel the world in your arms
The seven wonders can’t compare to something like that
And the fire of your lips
Burning brighter than red
Burning blue in your eyes
Keeps me hypnotized as you lay down your head

We’ll fall asleep in the stars
And let the moon light up
We’ll look back where we are
The world alive will never be greater than that
Than the fire of your lips
Than the warmth of your bed
Than the blue in your eye
As you wake up to the light that shines on your head

And the fire of your lips
Burning brighter than red
Burning blue in your eyes
Keeps me hypnotized as you take over my head
Like that

Like that

Sweet, young lust
All the stardust in her eyes 
Waking up to see the light
Waiting for the night 

As she was waiting
Her heart was racing for the guy
His voice, a twinkling lullaby
Floating through the night

Days, so slow
Lights, so low
Nights, solo from the outside
Sky’s bluer
And lies, truer
Sighs, through her through the night

And when the sunrise
Meets the blue skies of the day
She’ll be pining in the grey
Only half awake

Come tomorrow
She’ll drown in sorrow reveries
Counting the hours ‘til the dreams
Wrap her in sheets of sateen 

Days, so slow
Lights, so low
Nights, solo from the outside
Sky’s bluer
And lies, truer
Sighs, through her through the night

He was a lie
She was alive 

She is a willow
Forty acres of a dying lot
It hasn't rained since '97
Just a dust storm
On one infertile dirt clot

She is a gallon
Banana milk, expires tomorrow
Left out on the counter through the night
A yellow stain
Of coffee and cigarette teeth

She's a mix CD
Burned on a dollar store disk
Fully yielding, organdy translucent
Brittle, scratched
Thrown in the nightstand

I still watch the sky for that white vapor to glide over the tangy sun
I snap the lip back on
Restock the shelf
The date won't renew itself
I rub toothpaste on the surface
I'll never hear those five songs, again
So I'll return it to the nightstand
I'll return it to the fridge
I'll return to the crack underneath the willow tree
Empy out my canteen
And watch for a change in the seafoam green sky

What I hate is that I could be an awesome person. I could be the It guy. But I'm weak. Physically and socially. Not to be vain, but I could have the look, I just need to not be underweight. If I had a better build, I'd be a sharp eye. If that's even a phrase. I'm socially weak. My whole childhood, I've felt like nobody ever cared what I had to say. I've always had problems talking, and I became self conscious of it. So I stopped talking. This was VERY early on. Now that I'm older and grew out of my shyness a bit, I talk more. Sometimes. Not always. But when I talk, it's because I'm excited and antsy, so I end up talking Too much. And I try to make up for my lack of social skills by talking a lot, because I'm not used to social situations. So I talk too much. And nobody wants to listen. Throughout my whole life and even to this day, I feel like nobody wants to listen to me. Which isn't all bad, because I'm a pure listener. I don't talk. I listen. But I want to talk. I want to be normal. Be able to hold a conversation. I want to be likable. And I am. I am likable. But when this caged, sheltered side of me comes out, I feel like people don't like me. The problem is, no matter what, when someone's talking to me, I play along. I give a courtesy laugh if they say something "funny." I act somber and provoked when they talk about their problems. I can't handle when people don't even try to play along. And, physically, I think if I were stronger, more fit, the hyperness wouldn't be such a problem. A hyper, fit, hot guy is cute. A hyper, skinny pile of awkward bones is just annoying. I wish I could tone myself down. I know I'm being obnoxious. But I can't stop myself. I get so antsy. I get too worked up. I get on a roll. Aurevoir

I let my heart drain into the wind because I like the feeling. But I've never been kind on the thought of letting it flow into another vein (Don't take that filthily. It's not a metaphor.) I'm just saying, I always kind of make up this person, this imaginary person, to sit with me. To lay down and watch movies with me. To fall asleep next to me. Because it's human nature to want that confidant. And I often feel sad because I don't have any of that. Because I'm missing a few huge aspects of life. But I wouldn't give a thought to actually having a significant other. It's not my thing. I can't do it. I can't handle it. I mean, the person would have to be Perfect. Molded from my own two hands. And not out of teracotta. Out of modeling clay. So that when I get sick of certain things, I can alter it. Because otherwise I'll start to hate the person. Hate comes so easy to me when I like someone. "It's a long way down when all the knots we've tied have come undone" But sometimes I just really long for a hand to hold. And this weather doesn't help. This nice weather gives me too many emotions. Too much nostalgia for things that never were. It makes me long for love. Adventure. Excitement. Freedom. I don't know how to handle it. So, I stick to making up a person. And I don't think another human could replace this figment of my imagination. And that's a problem. Aurevoir

There's a chance of me sounding hypocritical, here, but sobeit. One of the things that drives me insane is the hipsters who cannot do ANYTHING "mainstream." Ok, yeah, I hate when things are mainstream. I love when I'm the only one who knows of stuff. I love loving things that nobody else loves or has ever heard of. I hate when everything is overproduced and everywhere. I hate it. I do. But I hate it SO much when people are all "I/You can't like this song because it's their most popular song." It's their most popular song because it's their best, maybe? So why can't you enjoy something that is obviously good? Seriously. "Reading The Hunger Games. I hate myself for going mainstream." Shut the fuck up. It's a good book. Maybe you should have read it a long time ago. -Sure, I hate that it's going to be the most popular movie and everyone wants to see it and everyone loves it, now. When I read it, nobody has really even heard of it. "At least it's not In The Aeroplane Over The Sea, Because you can't listen to an indie band correctly and listen to their MOST FAMOUS SONG!" Shut the fuck up. Seriously. Shut all the fucks up. The bottom line is: Like what you like. Listen to what you like. Watch what you like. Read what you like. Because it's about your personal enjoyment. Sure, popularity taints things. Sure, some things are ruined. But that doesn't mean you can't still enjoy it. And that doesn't mean you must not proceed to any door that says "Welcome." So shut the fuck up stop being a dicktit. Aurevoir

You laugh while you choke
On your coffee and smoke
And it's time to tell you the tale

Of the time that I broke myself
Bleeding alone
In the street that I knew too well

All our accidents pay off
In some destined way
I'm ready to cash it all in
'Cause this bony clutz
Lined with cigarette butts
Has found home drinking cheap wine and gin

They say Mary never
Gave birth in December
Some lies will forever be told
Some say I wasn't
A proper husband
Some say that I got too old

Looking at you
And your eyes filled with dew
I think they might've been right
No man should lead
His girl to believe
That everything's going alright

*This started out as wanting to be a song about an easy love. It ended up being about suicide. Funny how that works out.

It's one thing to be annoyed at people with bad grammar. People who just don't try. Who have lost any foundation on what grammar is. "lik, dnt b all krazy @ mi 4 luvn mi boo." But the people who mix up "Their, they're, there" and "You're, your." Yeah, you can be a little annoyed at them sometimes, but you should just overlook it. There's limitations. Some people get to the point where you're just a huge asshole. Not everyone received the education you did. And this is the Internet. Get over it. Most of the time, the person who made the mistake knows the correct term. But this is the internet. So they type fast and don't pay attention. But then they realise they made the mistake, go to fix it, and then see that you're already a dick and complaining about it. It's one thing if you're just kindly correcting, because the post you made is important. But that's usually not the case. Intelligence is key. But learn when it's needed. And don't be an asshole about it. Aurevoir

I'm not against religion at all. I just don't like being put into the middle of it. We went to this group thing, tonight. And I just get so uncomfortable. This was my first Church-ish experience that didn't have to do with death. I've been to two religious funerals. I was so uncomfortable, then. I can't help but think the whole time "I don't belong here." "I feel like everyone can see that I'm not religious." It's one thing just being at a sermon. But this youth thing, people talk to you about it. We came in late, so everyone saw us. Then at the end, the group leader came straight back to us to talk. He wasn't talkative. So it was just awkward stares. And try telling a church leader "Yeah, I'm agnostic." No. So you say "I've never been to Church before." thinking it'll have the same impact. Not really. And even if you said "I'm agnostic." Then it's still a matter of "Well, why?" and How can we help you find Jesus? I have nothing against religion. It's just not for me. Then another kid came to talk to me. I can't tell him "I'm agnostic. That won't change." So he talks to me and asks me my opinion on things, And all I can say is "I don't know . . . yeah." Nice kid. But I can't do the Church talk. Also, just in one sermon, thing, in 3 paragraphs of the Bible, he talked for an hour. And it was just a huge contradiction. "God wants you to love thy neighbor, not just like him, but really care for him. Love him the same way you love yourself. But God wants you to love Him. But not just half of your heart. All of it. If you don't love Him with all of your heart, you aren't Christian. But you must also love your neighbor. If not, you aren't Christian. But if you aren't 100 percent focused on Him, you aren't Christian." But it was fine. The people were really nice. At least the ones that we sat with when we went out afterwards. I just can't handle when people bring up religion. Like, do you really need to talk about it? Because then I get in the awkward position of "I don't believe. I could tell you that, but you'd try to show me the light. Or I can play along a bit, and you'll talk about it, still." Either way, you're talking about religion. Again, I have no problem with Religion. You believe what you want to believe. I'll believe what I want to believe. I won't try to convince you of my beliefs. You do the same. I won't tell you I think Evolution makes perfect sense. I won't. Because it's not your belief. It's not any business of yours. But again. Just so I get this clear. Just because I'm agnostic doesn't mean I have any problem with religion. I just feel it can't be proven until you die. Aurevoir

If the finish line of life is death, why not take a shortcut and get there without dealing with all the stress and agony? You can't judge somebody for being depressed based on what you see of them. You are not allowed to say "But they seem so happy" and especially not "But they seemed so happy." No "They have nothing to be sad about. They have a good life." Everyone deals with things differently. People don't show how they really feel at the core. Some people might not find this college application shit stressful and hard and impossible and tear-worthy. Most people have at least one parent that went to college. *Some* people only have one parent that even graduated. *Some* people have dads who get mad at them for trying to get into college. (Makes sense.) And to *some* people, this could set them off into the feeling of "What's the fucking point of life if we're just going to die? Why deal with this shit?" Looking at *some* people, you'd think they were the happiest person alive. Because they are the nicest person alive. Because they laugh at everything. Because they never complain. But people hide how they feel. They even forget how they feel until someone reminds them. And then the chemicals kick in to jolt you back into reality. *Some* people get lost in the clouds. These people, dare I say it, are like werewolves. They look like normal people most of the time. But once in a while, the full moon comes out and changes them. Puts them into their bad side. Turns them ugly. Destructive. That's not who they *really* are. It's just their core. But that core is ugly. And it comes out. And all in all, this is who they really are. Just because it looks like they have a good life doesn't mean they do. *Some* people have to work a shit retail job. *Some* people have to deal with the fact that they don't have consistent friends. That they've never had a serious (or real) relationship with Anyone. And on top of this, *some* people have to deal with parents that, while aren't bad, don't have any idea about college. Their parents seem to think that it just comes to them. That these people know just what to do, how to do it, when to do it. Like it's Candy Land. So the parents get mad when their child isn't at Candy Castle even though there is no Candy Castle, there's "College" or "Career." But even that game forgets a direction: "Dead End Summer Job" Life is hard. You may be good at it, but *some* people aren't. It's stressful. It's agonising. It's painful. It's depressing. Aurevoir