I just learnt 'Kiss me' by Sixpence None The Richer / New Found Glory on gee-tarr...It sounds nice in an ugly way =). It's good to have something to look forward to, is all I have to say today. Now for some 'Say it's possible' by Terra Naomi and 'The Rest of my Life' by Less Than Jake. I'm liking the singing along.

Okay, I just had to delete that last entry. It sounded so wooden. All I need to write is that I've had a really good time since Thursday, and I miss Xavi already. Floz, Indy & Jazz over + cinema with X + X coming over + lunch out with his family = One happy me. I'm so in love it's silly. I don't even care that he stole my bed last night. (:

I evidently have nothing better to do with my evening. I'm home alone & lonely. I have to write this out. "There's something about that tunnel that leads to downtown. It's glorious at night. Just glorious. You start on one side of the mountain, and it's dark, and the radio is loud. As you enter the tunnel, the wind gets sucked away, and you squint from the lights overhead. When you adjust to the lights, you see the other side in the distance just as the sound of the radio fades to nothing because the waves just can't reach. Then, you're in the middle of the tunnel, and everything becomes a calm dream. As you see the opening get closer, you just can't get there fast enough. And finally, just when you think you'll never get there, you see the opening right in front of you. And the radio comes back even louder than you remember it. And the wind is waiting. And you fly out of the tunnel onto the bridge. And there it is. The city."

And in that moment, I swear we were infinite. That's a line from the book I'm reading right now - The Perks of Being a Wallflower by Stephen Chbosky. I heard about it from SongMeanings, actually - I read the quote 'This moment will just be another story someday' and, for some reason, I was intrigued. And I didn't stop 'popping in' to every library I passed until I found it. I like it. It's a lot like Catcher in the Rye but, for some reason, it's made me a lot sadder than Holden Caulfield ever did. Maybe it's not just because of the book. Last week, Xavi texted me every single day. Asking me how I was feeling, how my day went, all of those little questions that still matter. He seems to have stopped this week. Last night he didn't instantly reply to my 'I love you' - not until I pointed out it's more reassuring to hear it back. Should I have said that? Oh I don't really care. All I know is that I've been so happy for the past fortnight, it's unbelievable, and it's all down to him. I'm willing to think optimistically if it means keeping things like they've been lately. I can't wait until Thursday. I've turned down and "mehh"d so many invitations - Karina & Chris's party, Annie's birthday, Jazz's house, anti-partying with Floz and Izzy, just in case there's a chance I can spend the evening walking the dog with Xavi. Is that incredibly lame? Yep, I think it is. Yay for love.

lalalalala. I can't wait for the holidays. we break up on Thursday - do I want to go to Karina & Chris's joint 16th at the N&N bar, or do I want to go out to the cinema for Annie's 16th, or do I want to hang around and see if Xavi invites me over to his? I barely know the first two aforementioned people, and I'm not all that bothered about going if half of my good friends aren't, either. It's nice that Annie wants me to go now Caitlin can't, when she could've picked so many other people - but I'm still second choice, she isn't a close friend and I'm not all that keen on forking out a tenner on a night out to watch High School Effing Musical strike III. it's great that, suddenly, I'm being invited to all of these things; unfortunately, the offers have come pouring in just as I've realised I'd be happier slobbing around playing on the Wii all night, as long as it's with a certain one person. how anti-social. I'll make the decision at the last minute, I can't be bothered to think about things now (:

he told me he loves me. he tried to distract me while i was texting Ruth back by kissing me. he told me he really did love the songs. he told me I looked pretty in the videos. he hooked his arm around my waist, wherever we were, whoever we were with. he moaned at me that he wanted me to go back home with him last night. he invited me to his house next week. he told me there was nowhere else he'd rather be right then than with me, despite the cold and the fact I was wearing men's underpants as shorts. he tasted like strawberry birthday cake. he's writing me a song. need I say more?

just to see you look at me and smile, makes it all worthwhile. so, last night was...mixed. the party itself was shite - i felt like I was at a 7&8 school disco, I don't blame everyone for basically inhaling all the alcohol as soon as they arrived. I spent all evening with Xavi. needless to say, I had a good time in that respect (: the day was pretty fun, too. I hung out with Gavin, Caitlin, Annie and Hannah - we bought two XL t-shirts from Matalan on the cheap, two packets of fatass permanent markers from Poundland, and lay in the Close drawing on them for X and G's costumes. we wrote 'I love men' on the back of Xavi's, and he wandered about all night completely unaware...Ah, good times. I can get through this year. Please don't take away any of my friends, they're perfect. Xavi has the sweetest smile I've ever seen. I want to sing 'The Rest of my Life' on Youtube. It's becoming addictive.

SATURDAY! wow, I have never appreciated weekends so much as I am doing right now. we're going to a fancy dress party later - I'm gonna be Mr. Incredible (: baby Incredible is Annie, the other 3 are Caitlin, Emily and Cara. red tights all the way, baby! I have another 20 minutes before I need to catch the train; I'm meeting Annie, Hannah and Gav for a trek down to Matalan for reasons unknown. I won't see Xavi until tonight because he's got a rugby match. C-TEAM, hah, that makes me chuckle. this is a totally uninteresting entry, isn't it? I can't believe I waited 6 months to fall in love like this. It was worth it. I get an 'I love you' every night, I woke up yesterday morning with three unread texts. this is the life. I can't wait until I hear my song. ARGH. I can't convey how happy I am with this right now.

i have yet another youtube link. is this becoming a habit? one difference, though - this time it's me. yes, I want to sink into a hole right now. but it feels pretty good to actually do something about the fact that I sing 24/7. I only did it for Xavi, because I won't play to him face-to-face. he's writing me a song. i'll cry, I just know it. my singing in the videos is terrible - but he says he loved it, and that's all I care about. http://www.youtube.com/user/VoteForMel go ahead. laugh. i still feel great. ;D