I don't know what's in your head right now. Is it me? I know you're in mine. I'm good at dealing with heads, it's when hearts get involved that i get completely lost. This is all just deja vu And i feel like there's this empty space I should have gone when i had the chance. What are you waiting for? Something to happen? Someone to turn up? A reason to leave? I'm not feeling fine - just indulging escapes and pain-killers (never an actual cure). Music. Food. Exercise. Beauty. Movies. Meaningless conversations. Compliments. Worry. Procrastination. Forgetting... I used to know everything. But all i really want to know is you.

Right here. Right now. I need you somehow. to take whatever it is away. So i can believe that you're right along beside me. So many words, such little communication. You should stop learning and start living. Stop looking and start giving. My perspective is crowded with you clouded by your uncertainty and mine. I'm in for the long haul you're all a matter of time.

I want it back. they have greatly oppressed me from my youth but they have not gained the victory over me i want to be innocent again. do you?

almost lovers always do. It almost seems as if you knew... i'd like to say that i knew too. but although i try i still can't see beyond your eyes and i wish i could decipher what was going on inside of you but i can't read you. It hurts so much to let something go but will it hurt less than if i hold on? how can you know..? I think it would be a good idea to just take the plunge... and just leave you be even though that is the last thing i want HEY LOOK YOU'RE BACK! hahahahahaha i

I keep coming across things i don't want to know and it just makes it harder and harder to not let it go. 'So?' you say 'Can't you just pretend?' No i can't, my hearts still on the mend. [Keep you're dirty secrets to yourselves until you're ready to admit you're wrong]

scribbled over the truth with their lies, you're little spies. amazingly relevant [again] i've got a lot to say to you yeh, i've got a lot to say i noticed your eyes are always glued to me you're keeping them here and it makes no sense at all they taped over your mouth scribbled out the truth with their lies you're little spies nothing compares to a quiet evening alone just the one two i was just counting on that never happens, i guess i'm dreaming again lets be more than this now if you wanna play it like a game then come on come on lets play cuz i'd rather waste my life pretending than have to forget you for one whole minute rock and roll baby don't you know that we're all alone now i need something to sing about Just incase you were really interested.. Anyway. There wasn't nearly as much fear in his eyes as there should have been. I only wish he'd seen... What just happened here? Let me know if you figure it out and i'll do the same. Everyone's online lately. Except the one i want. Always with the exceptions.. We all know you didn't mean it at all.

but she can't say it and make it true. Cool? Not me Love? Not yet [Not him] Today? Not right [Not happening] Tomorrow? Not likely Would you giive it away? Easily [Not until you give me a good reason to] You know it should be now. Where are you going to go from here? Good question, i'm thinking forward. [Wherever the wind takes me, i'm only thinking about tomorrow] Who are you bringing? You, me, them, her, him and the cat. [Anyone who will come] Why do you care so much? I don't. [Because i need something to care about] What are you going to do? Nothing, there's nothing to do. [Wait it out. Stare. Talk loudly. Get quiet. Act Ecstatic. Act Depressed. Ask my friends.] Do you think you'll be alright? I'm already fine, but yes things will return to normal before long. [Who knows? I'd like to say it's not in my hands, but it is. I guess i'll have to decide sooner or later.]

Indecisiveness haunts me. Well haunts isn't really the right word... but what else is there? I'm doing it again without even realising. shame shame.

only to come out. One day we might realise what it's about. But for now i'll just go one step at a time There are some things that we just shouldn't define. Like relationships... geesh what is the point anyway? If you're close to someone you're close to someone, you shouldn't have to say it. I wish things just happened, although then again how would you know how the other person felt? Some people are sooo not smooth its mostly bad cuz they think they are! gosh seriously how obvious can you get... anyway i read one of my old journal notebook things last night. It was fun. I always surprise myself in that some of what i write is actually decent! one day i'll be pro so buying stuff for the formal isnt going so well. i've found a dress and shoes but haven't bought either cuz im a bit of a perfectionist... we'll see though we'll see golly my date is being a pain!! but thats an entirely different story i'm not in the best mood. been on my feet all day. and barely got anything! dissapointing. yet fun... better than sitting on my ass at home. so no one really cares i know. it's weird cuz i know i'll never care enough to come back and read what i write half the time, but writing it is still some sort of release... even if it doesn't mean anything. so whatever!