I am getting so sick of this. i'm home alone, my parents are in darwin and my little sister is at a friends, my older sister is only around every now and then. and i'm over it. She has left mess EVERYWHERE ... so much so that i can't even use the bathroom. i'm considering dumping all her wet and stained brown crap in her room. She deserves it. How can she think she has the right to just come around whenever she wants, mess everything up, take money and then leave? I'm left to pick up the pieces. and her friend comes in and eats all our food and leaves her shit around and swears at my sister all the time. she needs better friends. she needs a life. I've been trying to keep the house clean, and then she just comes home and dumps her shit everywhere i'm so over it. how am i supposed to get through to her that this isn't ok?

damn i ruined the whole point of this entry in the title. i'm alone again don't know where my sister is. it's nice, but there's nothing good to eat =[ i hate myself for how desperately i try to get attention. if talking and being loud doesn't work i'll go sit in a corner by myself. i don't do it intentionally seeking attention, but that's the only motive i can find. i don't even understand myself, i don't expect you to. i like everyone. there are about 5 guys right now that i'm interested in and i so desperately want them to like me i don't know why friends? i wish.

It sucks being alone No. You don't care

- then even the stars refuse to shine i will wait for you i will wait for you until i see the change we need here you pull me in you reel me round and never let me go I once thought That I was free But then you let me know That I Will never know I’ll never know The extent That it hurt when I let you go So I Will never comprehend I’ll never comprehend The fear That you felt towards the end You felt towards the end You won’t know How I felt Though it can’t compare to you I was there And It was real The way I felt it too So why is it that all you say keeps haunting me on my dying day the sky is moving your eyes are bright i felt alone with you but it's alright

I'm so sick of myself. My perspective runs so much of my life. & It's more warped than your theme parks and ink stained imaginations. When was the last time you saw things from my point of view? [When was the last time you tried becoming a solipsist to the horizon?] With words and names that far surpass anything you knew before this perverted state of mind set in for good. What will bring me the satisfaction that i desire? It is a person? A creation? An action? Why do i question this when everything i could ever need is lain out in front of me, like trauma to the victims you willingly choose and make your prisoners? Is the point for someone to save me, or to save myself? If i can and do save myself, does that mean i'll never find a hero? I'd forgotten how much freedom hurts I spend all my time wishing for it not realising that i gave my freedom away so that i wouldn't have to endure the pain. I'm finally alone and it's breaking time.

ok i fixed the song, and now have a first verse=] now i'm back to talk about my other problems! i don't really have problems mostly talking to him again is bringing back all those emotionals i experienced about 5 months ago now sighs. i hate seeing pictures of him and whenever i talk to him i feel like he doesn't respect me at all. and in some ways he's just like that.. but there's this other side to him where he really does and i miss it. but that's it. i'm not going to come back to this ever again. i hated feeling that way all the time and i'm not going to let it happen again. but when i'm busy trying to look out for people, i always forget to look out for myself is there a balance? why does it hurt so much? why am i so jealous? actually i suspect it's all because i didn't get enough sleep last night it's so sad that i'm talking about the same pathetic problems every teenager worries about. but i'm not going to lie. i would feel better if i had real problems, or was just happy but i'm not and we all fail sometimes i'll find my way back.

i need help! i'm trying to write a song for an english assignment and i need a first verse, cuz none of the verses i already have work as an introduction. the song's about Iago in Othello, and like the lack of reason he has for all he did... killing everyone and all. it's due tomorrow! damn thing about songwriting is it doesn't come when you want it to anyway what i have so far [Chorus] Is this the way you chose to live? Was there a reason for all you did? Do you think you got what you deserved? Were we all done justice, with the revenge you served? [Verse] No second chances, only questions left Did you act on what you thought was best, for you? Are you happy with the way this turned out? As it unfolded did you start to doubt, yourself? [Verse] Did the world crashing around you Bring the content that you desired Were you left there standing on your own Or were you the least of those that died? anyway this isn't really the place where i'm going to find help... i'm just looking for inspiration shame.................

If i saw you would you know who i was? would you remember my name and the things that i've done would you recognise me? i'm wondering because i'd love to find out all the things you've become i've known you since as long as time can tell i'd like some reassurance are you happy? are you doing well? have you found what you were looking for? escaped what you were trying to lose if you could turn back all this time is that what you would choose?

- Seriously. I almost just accidently deleted all my journal entries twice! it might get annoying having heaps eventually... but it's the only place i have them stored properly. Anyway I'm still sad. I can't look at a lot of things the same like that song 'you got me suicidal' thats not cool. I couldn't imagine it. Maybe one day things will make sense. And i will be something other than exhausted in every way possible.

This was never what you wanted But i know it's fun to pretend. A guy who used to go to my school committed suicide. I'm actually really sad. I didn't know him other than seeing him around the place, but it knocked things back into perspective for me. Things like that don't tend to affect me if i just see them on TV. But this time i've actually seen the guy. And now he's gone. That must be so hard for him family and friends. But why? Couldn't someone have done something? Why do things like that happen? I started to realise that i should stop worrying about the fact that i'm "fat" or ugly or have too much work and actually be there for the people around me. Stop being so selfish and start to actually care. I have everything i could ever need. I just can't stand thinking about how many tears will be shed over this. How many lives ruined. How many people hurt. Did no one tell him that things will get better? Did nobody offer to help? We all sit around caught up in our own little problems when some people out there are really hurting. It makes me angry and sad. I just wish somebody had seen what needed doing and done it. They could have saved a life...