Yesterday had to be the shittest day of my life, it started out so well then….. I don’t know what happened one minute I was fine the next I couldn’t move at all I was so sad, true. I never cry but I sat at lunch and cried for the rest of the day. And the worst thing was every one kept on asking about whats wrong but how do you explain that everything is shit and you just want to die???? And to top it off I broke my two week record n now one of my friends isn’t talking to me because he says he knows to many people who’ve killed themselves and he couldn’t stand it if one day I cut too deep. Im so sick of all this fucking shit

i fuckign hate school, get to spend my time looking at stupid fucking toilets and shit. i hate it, my life, my school, my friends myself, especiallly myself. i hate myself, im so disgusting and ewwww. stupid fucking stalker is sitting behind me n is a fricking pain in the ass, i hate him i think i should just die or else go n be a hermit so noone has to put up with me. and i thought i was better, thats such a fucking joke tho, my only good thing is i still havent cut in 2 weeks, self control or mybe its just that im not alone ebnough i want too maybe i will ive got all lunch in minute

Just when I thought id got the hang of this happiness thing I got home n my mum starts yelling at me because I keep getting low marks just coz I wanna do things my way. Shes all like you have to be a conformist at school because they only mark you on the requirements, im like wtf? I thought we were supposed to be encouraging individuality??????? Then she started going on about how she ‘worries’ for people who r into self mutilation and who have this cycle of depression. I was laughing my ass off by that time coz shes saying all this shit but she doesn’t look at her daughter whos a cutter. Its like they only worry abut bringing up my brothers and they think im a normal teenager, sure ‘average teenagers’ slice themselves up all the time.

just had the most boring day, did my stupid oral, but i think i failed ;( got a b in my art i love it, should have gotten a better mark but there wasnt enough other work done an amazing thing happened today: i felt happy, well not sad all day an accomplishment yay!!!!!!! havent cut for two weeks YAY again i feel good i love u all

i no i just wrote stuff but i really dont want to do anything anymore. its a reallt stupid comparison but i already felt empty n now ive just completly deflated. i hate that feeling, its so stupid and pointless. damn, i was reading all the stuff i wrote b4 n i sound so silly n unhappy. im not usually like that, only most of the time these days. someone once told me i was too happy n theyd teach me how to be sad, unfortuantly i got there n further by myself. i think depression runs in my family

i have sooooo much homework and like 5000000000 tests and projects due this week but ive been trying not to do them. i read all of jacklyn07s journals, at least it took up sum time. jackly07 person i know excatly how u feel w the cutting stuff. i never thought id be like that either. its shit aint it??? though i think ive finally worked why i always end up feeling soo bad. its not the big things, coz i realy have no reason to be sad, i have enough to live on n go 2 some dumbass private school but i think its the little things, like someone calling me emo or telling me im a dyke coz of my short hair or that im a complete slut coz unfortuantley im a huge flirt. its really bad coz its summer now here, really hot too, so i can't wear longsleeve tops anymore. people keep on seeing my scars, im petrified theyll send me 2 the councillor again, then id be in shit w my parents, who for the record, thik im just a moody teenager. my best friends think the cuts are from my dog but its obvious theyr not, i wonder if they believe it or they just dont want to believe that one of their friends would do that. i really need a boyfriend, to take my mind off all the shit thats in there. i have a friend i think he puts its best: i need somone to talk to, cuddle with, play with n shit, somone to lie with, to hold and laugh with and most importantly someone to lie with. this is supposed to be about music though aint is? soo, for good new auzzie stuff go to triple j unearthed n check out 1989, lucinda, frankie wants out and hair on fire to name a few awesome bands. i never thought it was possible 2 be this lonley anyway i really should go n study, i have an indonesian oral exam this week, i would die if i failed it, indos the only reason i go to school, apart from art. i really dont want to do any more work though, i know noone reads these things but if you do; u know how the dumbledore from harry potter died, does anyone else think they should have used his corpse like a puppet n used preserving stuff (it can be done they did it with lenin (not john, the other one). that would have been cool, wouldn't it?? sorry my minds a little fucked have fun

i know ive stollen the title from bullet but its true. i dont have any reason to feel as shit as i do but i wake up evry day and do the same old stuff over and over just going through the motions whats the point in waking up at all? (24hr world, houston?) thats so true why should i even exist if i go around like an empty shell but then again i would never be brave enough to kill myself so the only option is to get better :) i dont know how thats gonna happen though

i love yellowcard, can listen 2 them for hours but thats not what this is about. lately ive been feeling so crap, for no reason at all i have a great life but it like its all to hard now and i started cutting myself, which was stupid because i don't even feel anything when i do it, even if its deep so i stopped being with my friends, coz i didn't want them to see my scars. it so stupid i have nothing to feel sad about but i do. at the moment i feel a tiny bit better but it seems the stupid high point of my day is to find someone that will let sleep in there arms. how sad is that??????? i should be better but everytime i start feeling good something brings me crashing down. i hate this life fuck all this shit im going out today hopefully it gets better