i ahte it i shouldnt have staye dup i feel like shit now its all come crashing down last night i cried and cried and cried and cried i couldt stop it HURT actuall pain it hasn beenn like that for soooo fucking long its alway like that saty for too long it gets bad like at th party i fuckign crashed reall bad just needed someone to hold looked like such a slut lying on taylor holding him i told ranna bout lian shit ishouldnta her nose is in it now hse done get it birs of a feather stck togther teach each others tricks for gtiing buy, where 2 cut, how much pills, how much booze keep it t ourselfs somehow keepeing on going that whole lose 5 kils inholidays is gone already 1st weekedn fuckign easter ate so much chocolate FUCKKKK!!!! almost 16 im gonn reach it get m ls then whta??? purpsoe after?? think not soon,,,, ima gonna ask elli outtt you no hey aya theyll walys be there bu they never can be even if theyv been trough it im still all alone fuckign depressio,always at m shoulder swear theres like bipolr tooo nicest thign anyones ver done fore me: jimmi sne me a txt a pic with lul: you are beautiful, ily :) he made me cry buts till i cant accpet it n all i think is i cause bad things to ahppn to my firens elli ran way, taylor n dot fuckked up lians whoe thing vikki left josh wnet away, drizners is, jaydann probs will FUCKK!! i am such abad influence how can i live ith teh fact that my exisitence fucks up ppls lives

good weekend :D no fights had an amzing time with dot... see last post we ended up watching trainspotting we were so fucking high i want to know what is it when ur brain goes like that.. and its like being off your face, but youvve had nothing its great but im so wrecked today lucas is back though i missed him so much, and he looks so different finally i have an ally another person filled with teenage angst.. and oh my god.. a min of their own theyr hard to come by in my place welllie has turned into a clone of mother dearest and dad is just her puppet these two weeks have been harrowoing, with dot and ell and taylor and lain and im crashing too i started cutting i really need a new blade next tim i cut im gonna put ink in it.. make a tatto it works i really need sleep

well so far we: saw the movie met them people missed the fair went to your house left ate those purple berries went home for the money got driven to the bay saw an octopus couldnt find moulders caught the tram to maccas went back to yours again made some important descisions on the way like: ib sucks, come to my school ben is funny fthe frozen coke was air at urs we tried to dred my hair went in the spa with the multicoloured flashing lights forgot about earth hour decided not to get drunk decided food was not for us now.. the rest is up to you what should we do now? a. watch a scary movie b get back in the spa c try n dred ma hair some more d. go for a walk e get u to come here f.. fuck g imrunning out of ideas h. cook a cake full of vodka i drink a cake full of vodka j. ??? k l die m n o p q r s t u v w x y z

so.. i started cutting again real shallow i like those light red lines i want to show them off tell people, hey, look how beautiful i can be im worried about dot the thing with taylor didnt work out she sounds wrecked like i am when i get depressed i dont want that for her im scared shell start cutting or something and i cant see her its hard and so wierd i can see now what people are up against rise against concert tonight im not going have fun jamie and jimmi today i was wearign secretary glasses apperently they make me really sexy its wierd how things like that change people hopefully going to the footy this weekend maybs ill c jamie there i have his jumper atm, should remember to give that back REALLY wanna hook up with him, i was talking to jimmi bout it he was saying oh just flirt massivley with him i feels wierd tho i dont wanna just throw myself at him i really should start the hw but i really cbf did you kno?? ma year has had the highest amount of RAs for sase in the history of ma school nand its only term 1 :P so many peopl are gonna drop out i want to, i just cant cyas

someone actually replied to one of my posts wow.. people actually read the shit i write oh dear. i have decided. im gonna get my nipple pierced.. when i turn 16... a month away :) i cannot be fucked at the moment i just want to drop our. hook up with jamie. kind of totally reject society, i dont feel terrible. i just feel normal. im kind of sick of being called a slut. by everyone. lets run away. i want to just fuck off. lets leave. i need daniels pannel van. he could drive it. i could sit in the back n shred my arms. i want them sliced. i need to get back into practice. i am fucked i know. mmm.. i could do with some samedi. its good. i shloud sleep but i cant be bothered moving. no school tommorow anyway so what does it matter?? FUCKKK>. iv just realised that this whole blog has been about me. stuid fat selfish cunt that i am... get off ur ass and excersise bitch lose the fat.... stop being self obsessed.. stop pretending to be who your not SCHIZO WHORE!!!!!

i was just hangign in a playground with ma bros i love playgrounds especially swings it made me think... what is it about play grounds??? they are such cool places for little kids during teh day n then at night people use them as places fro getting drunk n high n graffing.... is is sum wierd psycological thinG???? like somtthing bout childhood??? dunno.... anyway swings are fuN!!!

best weekend... we saw this great play called the revolution starts here then WOMAD.... best day of ma life i swear.. skankin to ska cubano moshing to cat empire sleeping listening to gurrumul n neil finn dancin like crazy freaks in the dark one day wasnt enough.. festival pass next year baby :) monday.. sleep.. sleep.. read on beach... sleep :) today.. athletics carnival blue hair :D chillin with jamie n mates taking photos.. laughing.. fightin :D soo good get home to a massive pile of homework... two tests tommorow... about 5000 wordds to write and an angry mother FUUUCKKK!!!!!! can she never get off my back..??? i cannot be fucked dealing with this shit... if she starts yellin when i get home im leaving walk someplace else... i just have to get away same old story.. over and over again hey??? nothing ever fucking changes

This waking life moving were doing at school has sent me trppin…and made me thnk about my dreams a lot more… So I’m gonna take a bit of a detour from life and tell you about my dreams, Groan if you wish, stop reading if you want…. I just wanted to write them down before I forget them forever. A coupls of days ago Ihad this dream where me n jonty n lucy n ran went to the city n jonty n me left ran n luce n we went walking ariound the city lookin for the free postcards that are always around there and eventually we found this massive newsstand of them in the migration museum… That’s not weird for one of my dreams but then I told jonty about it the next day n he was like.. how do u no that I collect those postcards??? N Id had no idea he did, n wed never talked about i.. THAT’S weird hey?? A couple of months ago I had this dream, I was out with my family, looking at a waterfall () and I was texting this guy… as I do usually and I cant remember what the conversation was but every time my phone went off I could feel it vibrate and I reached under my pillow to get it, even though we weren’t at home. Then while I was having this conversation I woke up because my phone did go off. I looked at the message and it’d been sent like 3 hours ago and my phone had kept on going off while I had that dream. Like my mind was telling me I should wake up coz it had gone off but I was in too deep a sleep to actually move. Funny thing the subconscious hey? The other dream was from like 5 months ago but I still remember it quite well….And I suppose you don’t know me but my dreams are pretty trippy usually , but this is one of the more normal ones but it was epic, I woke up in the morning and was exhausted because of all the effort that had gone into the dream Here goes: So I was at school, as usual and I had to go home for some reason and my grandpa came and picked me up. I was in indo and I went to get my bag and on the way out Bu (my teacher) gave me my homework and then more work and she kept on talking to me and then I remembered all this stuff I’d forgotten so I had to go back and get it, then Bu gave me more and more work and this kept on going on and on, it was one of these dreams that you can never seem to escape. Then suddenly there was an explosion. Someone had blown up the girl’s toilets in Pargeter. Well, I couldn’t leave after that (also the whole school had been made to meet down in the Pargeter car park so we couldn’t get out anyway) so, I went to check it out and found my friends up there too, just talking about what had happened. Then Almaz arrived, which was weird since she lives in Queensland now. We were looking at the toilets, which had a perfect charred circle out of them but hadn’t affected the classrooms on either side. I remember talking to her and saying “Finally someone’s blown up the toilets, it was only a matter of time, I was going to do it myself but I never got round to it, maybe we’ll actually get some more toilets now.” To which she replied “ what are you going to do for now though? You know there’s no more girl’s toilet’s at this school” The conversation kind of petered out because I noticed Hannah had started hooking up with Stewie, THAT was strange, compared to someone blowing something up. Then everyone started hooking up and I got bored so I walked off and ran into Jonty. He was bored too. So we decided to leave school and go shopping, for some reason to Woolies at Stirling. And somewhere along the way we decided it would be a good idea to go out for a while, but we had to do the shopping first. So we were shopping and we bought cauliflower, bread and milk and one of those ball things, you know, that stretch in and out and are brightly coloured, though this was from the cheap shop in the arcade. And after our shopping adventure we walked to the Steamroller park where we met this guy sitting on a wall, I couldn’t remember his name but I knew he was my school captain when I was in year 7 so I told him that and he disagreed and said, no he went to Mercedes and that he knew Declan and Henez. Then Declan and his brother walked past, so we asked him, if the guy went to Merc, and they were pretty sure he didn’t. So we all started singing the Mercedes song and somewhere after that I woke up. Strange huh? I won’t tell you anymore ones, like being in a concentration camp that was a church and going back and forth to the op shop next door to find little girls dresses and fur coats to keep people warm and having to beg the guy in charge, who just happened be Luke but also Hitler and he agreed as long as I gave him the lollypop I was eating. Or the one were we had to swim across a sea of oil (like a deep fryer) but there was a grill on top of it so it hurt and there were crows trying to eat us. Or the one from a couple of days where me and a couple of friends wagged school and ran into old teachers, one who gave me his shirt and then had to leave because the train was there, then we went and visited a hospital and had a party but then some teachers who realised we were wagging came to find us and we had to escape so I went all through the hospital and then finally jumped out a window with a face mask on to get outside and then I met up with my friends who’d just climbed down a chimney and walked out through the doors to get outside. Sorry… I started blabbering, but ill tell people my dreams and they be like, oh that’s soooooo weird, in my dream last night I rode my horse…

oh.. luke wants to get with me again... whats new????

I feel so crap at the moment.
Im pretty depressed and I keep on having these headaches which I think are a way of dealing with it if that makes sense I can dull that pain with pain killers without dealing with anything emotional

School is terrible ran is killing me
She is so ignorant, has no idea thinks she can screw with me n ill always b there,,,, i wont

I just made myself throw up..
just a bit
It was disgusting, but I feel slightly accomplished, iv never been able to actually throw up before when I tried

were studyine this movie called waking life about lucid dreaming
its so trippy and its affecting my dreams
Now sayonara…
Iv got a weekend full of homework, a massivley bruised leg and a single valentines day to look forward to…