because obsession never lasts how do i know it's not just the same old thing?

girl you just can't dance forever... latest obsession: Lostprophets. mmm... yummy. really good songs, really good meanings, really good for applying to my life... try some. today.

all alone and no one to talk to... oh well. i decided some things, finally, on the bus home from school- i'm mostly over Base. i don't really care that he's going out with her. i know i mean something to him, and he means something to me, but it doesn't really matter to me how much. on either side. also, i ttly like peter, and kinda wanna ask him out... if only (with ur permission, chlo) to invite him to the christmas party... but then, i know it'll be a weence more than that. thirdly, i like another guy, sorta, but i don't want to go out with him. it's a strange feeling, like... i dunno. i guess i've always been kinda shallow, so that liking a guy = go out with said guy. (wonder why i've never had a real boyfriend... that mentality always worked for the popular kids..) but anyway, we're really good friends, we trust each other, all this stuff- i can tell him anything and he knows that, he can tell me anything and i know that. so if i did go out with him, it'd be a really serious relationship. (which i'm not ready for, not the first time i have a bf. i wanna know what it's like first.) you only meet a few people who you will remember and who will mean something to you for the rest of your life- and i've found two in one year. guess my luck is getting better. x

is at an all time high... i have some bashing to do, and i don't want all my friends asking me what's wrong... but they're going to anyway. everyone's telling everyone else that they love them... tay and TJ. E and Chloe. Sutt and David. why not me? i've been feeling so good lately. been hyper since friday. i haven't felt that good in WEEKS. but now... everyone has a relationship- but me. so what if we THINK peter likes me... so what? he prolly doesn't anyway. and even if he does, which of us will have guts enough to say anything? i hate how, as soon as i have enough confidence to decide to do something... ...everyone else does stuff that makes me so happy for them, but feel so crappy about myself. just tell me you love me, tell me you mean it... so much for my good mood. so much for my temporary self-confidence... so much for love.

i love snow... :) my friend's still depressed... he's gonna be that way for a little while, i think. he'll get better though, i know he'll pull through. i have faith in you, dearie. she'll come back. dance on friday... i'm going. if mum doesn't make up a reason why i can't... if she gives me my allowance... if they still have tickets in fourth lunch tomorrow... if we even have school tomorrow... i'm kinda excited, i think we'll find out if Peter likes me or not. i'd be so happy if he did... and this time, i'd be sure not to let it fall apart. i've learned my lessons.

i forget one homework and she adds even more restrictions. bitch. it'd be easier if they just didn't care.

i feel like a bitch saying that... but its kinda true. i don't know if this kid has ever had one thing happen this year or last that was as bad as this. as bad as what i go through every day. [or at least as bad as i make it out to be] i still feel bad for him though. he never saw it coming... and now he's depressed out of his mind. how's it feel to be this side of the fence? anyway... enough friend-bashing. i'm supposed to be supportive, not talking about him behind his back. on a totally different note... i really like Peter. but i don't know how much... here's the problem: i like him, but at the same time, i like Base too. and i don't know who i like more. so i don't want to encourage one only to find i like the other more... i'd feel like such a bitch if i did that. and we have a dance on Friday... that only makes this worse. dammit.

I dreamed last night that you had dreams of me It's just that I woke up a bit too late- That dreams is over, and you'll never see That all I wanted was for you to wait Did you not hear or did I say them wrong The words I tried to say to change your mind, To tell you that I loved you all along Now you're with her and I've been left behind So this is it, here's the end of my dream While I begin to forget what once was, Remember that nothing is what it seems I just need a real reason, not "because" Though my heart screams for you, you aren't here My former hopes and dreams you'll never hear You've got to know what you're doing to me. You're slowly tearing me apart... and I will wait for you to put me together again.

i'm all confused again... Base definitely likes me a lot. maybs just like really good friends, but... the other day, i was talking to him, and we asked each other "how are you" at the same time, and it was funny, but like, after KB walked by, he turned to follow her, then kinda turned back and hesitated... it was like he wanted to be both places at once, almost. and according to one of my friends, he defs. cosidered me. but i dunno... really mixed signals. i'm gonna talk to him about how awkward it is between us now... sooner or later. [which means most likely never] and then there's Peter... who needs a nickname, Chlo... kid from my German class. really funny, pretty nice, always makes me laugh. one of those intentional or unintentional day-brightener people... but i think he likes me. he was defs flirting with me, that much i know... oh god, the pineapple 'hat'... the problem is, even if he does like me, i dunno if i like him back. i guess we'll just have to wait.. oh, and i decided, i'm going to finish my sonnet cycle by Feb. 14th and show them to Base. Feb. 14 is very appropriate... ...it's Valentine's Day.

Existing Situation: Defensive. Feels her position is threatened or inadequately established. Determined to pursue her objectives despite the anxiety induced by opposition. Stress Sources: Wants a partner with whom she can share fully in an atmosphere of cloudless serenity, but her compulsion to demonstrate her individuality leads her to adopt a critical and demanding attitude. This introduces discord and leads to alternating periods of drawing closer and drawing apart, so that the ideal state she desires is not allowed to develop. Despite the urge to gratify her natural desires, she imposes a considerable self-restraint on her instincts in the belief that this demonstrates her superiority and raises her above the common herd. Discerning, critical and particular, having taste and discrimination. These qualities, combined with her tendency to judge things for herself and to express her opinions with authority. She enjoys the original, the ingenious and the subtle, striving to ally herself with others of similar taste who can help her in her intellectual unfolding. Desires admiration and the esteem of others. Restrained Characteristics: Circumstances are restrictive and hampering, forcing her to forgo all joys and pleasures for the time being. Desired Objective: Seeks an affectionate relationship, offering fulfillment and happiness. Capable of powerful emotional enthusiasm. Helpful, and willing to adapt herself if necessary to realize the bond of affection she desires. Needs the same consideration and understanding from others. Actual Problem: Wants to be valued and respected, and seeks this from a close and peaceful association of mutual esteem. Actual Problem #2: Needs to protect herself against her tendency to be too trusting, as she finds it is liable to be misunderstood or exploited by others. Is therefore seeking a relationship providing peaceful and understanding intimacy, and in which each knows exactly where the other stands. * * * * * * * * freakishly accurate. http://www.colorquiz.com/