today was actually fun, we got to hear the teachers ramble on about their colleges because it was alumni day...i was amazed at how all of them were encouraging us to party the whole time. yea, right now my fave song is thnks fr th mmrs BEST FREAKING SONG EVER...who knew they were so amazing, well actually i did =] anyways im on the phone with missy.....OMG SHE JUST TOLD ME THAT WARPED TOUR WERE SEEING CIWWAF, ATL, ANNNDDD BLG OMMMGGG ANNNNDDD SHE KNOWS A PERSON WHO WORKS THERE SO WE CAN MEET THEMMMM MY PRAYERS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED!!!! OMG i cant even type right now AHHHHHHH

so i'm paranoid basically. i can't help but think that my bff doesnt wanna be my bff anymore. i read her away messages: hanging with some people watching movies....where was my phone call i know that sounds so selfish, but this isnt the first time, its happening a lot though lately i dont know, i can't tell if she is my bff anymore. i'm thinking of asking her possible new/ex bff if shes over me...maybe at school on monday? but what if i don't like the answer, what if i end up being crushed. what do i do? maybe i'm overreacting, maybe i'm blowing this way out of proportion, maybe she just wants to hang out with some other people, maybe i have a feeling that the worst is coming... darling dear, get a grip

so ive kinda regrouped since last nights break down i'm just gonna do life different from now on, i've got all the friends i need, right in my ipod, with the touch of my fingers, i can make my best friend sing to me. thats all i need. i dont need to be caught up in drama, dont need to put my whole heart in things only to get broken, dont need to do anything... ...but trust in music

i can't do this anymore. i can't pretend everythings okay i can't go on ignoring the feeling that my bff is drifting slowly away from me i can't ignore that i have never experienced love i can't pretend i feel the same as everyone else i can't go on wondering if anyone, just anyone, feels remotely close to the way i do i can't do this anymore if it wasn't for music....god i have no idea where i'd be right now how do i pick myself up from this

so yes i went to the concert, and i did go in style actually. hummer limo, yup yup thats right most sweetest thing ever but the concert was ehhh alright, nothing special (prolly wouldnt call it the second best night of my life) but it was aite i spose today its super warm for once, i cant remember the last time it was this warm so i played volleyball, and watched tv ummm i was sposed to go out tonight but that got cancelled, on a count of my parents going out...wutevs i like being home alone. so thats basically it, lots of fun times last night, not something too special my favorite song right now is Lullabies by All Time Low. i choked back tears just reading the lyrics. its so horribly tragic and sad. it is about alex's brothers death, and its alex basically just mourning him. but a guy like that should never have to go through something as horrible as that. i was so amazed by the way he composed his words though, just wow. the intensity is too hard to comprehend nor even begin to explain enough rambling, i must move onto other things =] with love, taylorkay xoxo

the day is finally here and i cant believe it. im sitting here with miss bff and we are both way too excited for words i decided on the black shirt instead of the purple and now a skirt instead of capris =] and miss bff is wearing a black tank with white dots and a skirt yeaaaa wer twoo hottie mamas anyways bff has to shower and i have to get ready so ill bb after the second best night of my life (1st was cartel/blg/new atlantic/cobra starship =] my lovers) yeaaa with love, taylorkay xoxo

oh holy my jesus, its one day till the concert AHHH. alright well i think im gonna go with the purple tube top so all is well, and miss bff is letting me borrow her capris soo good deal good deal. i got new make up =] =] double plus, a white headband, annnndddd a new swimsuit =] gold with gold sequence yuuuummayyy....taylor will be looking hott this summer lol jk jk. im not that conceited so today was fabulous i smuggled coke (no not the drug silly, coca cola =]) into school hahaha good times good times...always good to be hyper in the morning anne frank is the saddest movie ever i cried the whollleee time during school today (well all of english anyways) but yea im pumped for school tomorrow cuz i bought a cute new dress to wear =] =] yes, life is good with love, taylorkay xoxo

hey at least i waited a day to post again =P so today hmm lets see, stress is horrible right now. but other than that everything was fine, ice cream sundaes today for lunch mmm yummy =]. idk everythings pretty neutral right now cant wait till the concert tho this friday (read previous entries for info ;) ) BUUTTT i still cant decide what to wear, alright so heres the choices either skirt, capris, or silver jeans. then for the shirts is either this cute cute cute cami its like pink green and orange and yellow twists at the top way cute really flowy. then theres a purple tube top with a bead tie and silver metallic print at the bottom (im leaning towards this one) orrrrrrrr this black t-shirt long shirt thingy and its v neck, comes down pretty low and has a gray design at the bottom....LIKE U ALL CARE but im telling you anyways cuz it makes me feel better =] i hope you all like the poems and crap that i posted...id really know if theyre any good, theyre what i feel inside and idk i thought id take a chance, maybe theyre good maybe theyre not. i'll never know. im losing control of life everyday wishing that boy would just appear wishing someone could save me from this wishing someone could honestly tell me its alright wishing someone could show me what my life is missing wishing i could be different wishing i could crawl out of my skin wishing that this wasn't all to life why can't wishes come true? they did for cinderella but who am i kidding right =P thats all for today i guess with love, taylorkay xoxo

i was reading through my journal and found some other little pieces poem 1 IDENTITY and so i can't wait for you anymore can't think of you anymore i'm so sick of being let down when i dont even know who you are and her are some little things for AIM pros (do with them what you will, make em look cute..you know how it goes) "what happens when pieces start falling out of place and you can't grab hold anymore. Isn't this where he comes in? How come I can't find him?" "take me back to the night where everything was perfect and everything felt so right 030907 (insert date there)" (my date was the night of a concert of course =]) "he holds her in his arms, kisses her forehead, strokes her hair, whispers 'I love you, gorgeous" into her ear. Get real, sweetheart, the good guys don't always finish first." "i hope on every shooting star, pray everynight, wish on every 11:11. Hoping, praying, wishing that you would walk into my life and never leave." the end lol no more for today i PROMISE

i like to write, and continue writing till all my thoughts are on paper. im going to take a huge risk here but i decided to share some of my writings with this journal. wow this is the biggest step i've ever taken...here goes nothing... HEART LOCKED I want you to love me as I love you is this a lot or a little; profoundly confused my mind; diffused waiting for an answer that is to never arrive relationship built on unknown white lies? inner lies, unrecognizable lies to wait for this answer like watching paint dry maybe to find the answer just as confused as I just the same as I want it, too i want all signs pointing to you if not i dont know if i can deal locked in my heart guarded by a shield hey sweetie, let it down love isn't as scary as you may have found --this is one of my most recent poems describing how one needs to become herself and not follow others and also take a chance and get into a relationship and not be afraid of the outcome. i hope you all enjoy and thanks so much for reading