[46]With character and confidence complete with fingers crossed they'll talk to me There was something strange going on tonight, it was driving me crazy. But things have calmed down and it just now came to me: An old, familiar presence I haven't noticed in about a year, before that apathetic phase. Perhaps it's suddenly over? I have a really great feeling about this.

[45]Don't give up on us I had to do a double take on this lyric while I drove home from picking up a book. "While angels carry me" It sounds nice, I guess, from a third party view. But put yourself in that [first person] position for a minute. Angels, as I understand them, are built on traits of a personal mentor, guardian, and.. an intimate x factor (fill in with the things you think are amazing about the people close to you). And, perhaps most importantly, Security. It's probably one of the things you have to experience firsthand, with the music and driving. But it activated a sort of fleeting epiphany. Then another thing was brought to mind. The hug this afternoon that.. didn't quite reach me. Though, my sinuses have been running amuck since Friday, so I'm rather numb. Hopefully that's all there is to it. Hmm.. Loosing my [capacity?] to receive love isn't quite the right way to describe it. But it's close. I just don't know. I like to be a kind person. Somehow it doesn't resonate with me when it's returned. You know what else may be the problem? My tendency to relentlessly over-analyze things. *megafacepalm*

[44]remember those from another life? This happens to me all the time. You just have no idea. http://xkcd.com/222/ Unless you took me literally. Then you get it.

[43] Well, go me. I've stayed up past 3:00 a.m. every day of this week now. Suddenly I get summer vibes. But then I'm just tired as hell. And thirsty. Sweet dreams.

[42]Slowly we're safe and sound Typical. It was a terrible day up until about 40 minutes ago, and now I'm on top of the world. What a waste. But maybe it'll carry through to my dreams. I could live with that.

[41] It's another dark road that you walk on your own I need an escape.. Just for a few days. Where did all my time go?

[40]Pachelbell I waver between feeling "it's like I've known her all my life," and feeling like I hardly know her as much as I think I want to, and am just giving some dream, some person I really have known all my life-but haven't met, her name.

[39] I'll be sure to pass them to you, in the distance, without leaving anything behind.

[38] I mentioned an essay book a while ago. Well, tomorrow our essay is due. We're supposed to write an extended definition of a concept. I wanted to write about Friendship, but since this is something I'm actually interested in, I want to do it justice. Like Emerson. Alas, I'm already out of [sufficient] time, and my writing doesn't simply flow doing these things. It's too much my nature to plan things out to the finest detail my mind can track before starting. -- So, about a half hour later, I've decided to write about Writing. Heh. While I was working on it, my mind went off on a tangent about rules and order. Wondering if there are any moral "standards" the world functions on, or if it's all just politics. Because all we (or I, at least) hear about are the negative things. And -that- much I know is politics. So I'll assume in the daily life of people, the standard exists. I'll summarize: The perfectionist nature I mentioned earlier wants me to try and maintain and comprehend all this political-like junk. All the stuff that I honestly don't even care about. And it's like I absorb all the negative connotations that these things not only come with, but the ones I attach to them out of distaste as well. And I'm afraid it affects my perspective on.. just everything. Instead of worrying about the crap that isn't related to me, I'd rather use that energy to focus on the positive things around me and adjusting my personality. Specifically, greatly reducing my cynical attitude and.. iunno. Growth as an artist.

[37] "Still, the friend who holds your hand and says the wrong thing is made of dearer stuff than the one who stays away." Fair enough. ): But where does this leave the clumsy shy people?