[26] I can no longer listen to music without dreaming of playing said music's drums on Rock Band. I expect it will only get worse as I move on towards Expert Mode. I don't really have time for this though. Must finish that book report and sleep. For the times I wasn't feeling like a zombie today, I was extremely self-conscious about the fact I slept through my shower this morning and how bad my hair felt. The super high humidity did not help at all. ...and it just randomly occurred to me how very, very different my voice in type sounds versus speech. I prefer the former. D: Gah. Now I'm going to be self-conscious about my timid natures all night. Way to go.

[25]Between the heart and the synapse This Armistice [Receiving End of Sirens] is one of my all time favorite songs. I love the acoustic version. If any one song were to represent the summer of '07 for me, that is it. The video is great as well. (: I keep tapping to random beats from playing drums in Rock Band so much. It's funny because I used to have no rhythm at all. Literally, before 24 hours ago. Still not perfect, but getting there. I'm picking up on way more drumming in the music I listen to as well. That is, it used to just be background noise to me, but I can definitely hear and appreciate it more now. Ah. Fun stuff. School is not fun stuff. I'll be waking up to that in about four hours. Didn't finish a (brief) book report we were supposed to do over winter break. Didn't start, in fact.

[24]Somebody special When You Were Younger [The Killers] and Creep [Radiohead] are without a doubt the best songs I've played on Rock Band so far. Freaking beautiful.

[23]I think "If only I had fought them" As I see it, there are two basic groups 'life' problems fall into. First, Work. General job (or school) frustrations and living expenses fall into here. Since I have this passive sort of tolerance towards work, as long as I'm holding a job I can survive, easily enough. That said, I have this feeling that I've "beaten" life. The other category is Relationships. Not entirely essential to 'life', but, as I see it, much more difficult.. and to me, much more important. Friends especially, rivals, etc. The one 'problem' I have the most trouble with, I think, is coping with difficulties friends go through. Empathy truly is a frustrating emotion. Somehow, it's appreciated by others; but when you're not able to help someone, it's only a burden and self-destructive..

[22] I hate it when friends are depressed. Or just down. Ughh. There's a certain helpless feeling. *rolleyes* Obviously. Knowing + not being able to do anything = helpless. Guh.

[21]LAPUSH “On your side teach me the real thing No time to think of the old scene Say my name when you want to, it’s just fine I’m still here, forever in your arms Write your name in the stars, I am trying to heal your heart On your side let’s talk about everything Got no time for words that you’ve already heard Say my name when you want to, you just leave when you want to We’re still here, we’re still alive Write your name in the stars, I am trying to heal your heart Write your name… (when all you need is someone who is listening)” Oh my God. ;^; This song is wonderful. I love to think this song is for me. Healing my incapable, insecure heart. And while these words aren’t an instant fix, they’re beautiful, and comforting. As is the presence of a friend. It would be indescribable to have a friend like these guys.

[20]I'll open all the windows Blag. Why does it feel so hard to talk to people, even when it’s to somebody I really want to be close to?

[19] There's something magical about spending time late at night with someone. In silence, or deep conversation, it's all beautiful. Nights spent alone are.. I can't bring myself to say wonderful. If you're in the mood to contemplate in solitude, perhaps looking out a window to the stars, it's pretty cool. But to lay awake in want of company is simply depressing.

[18] There was this anime which, aside from humor, held a valuable item for me. This quote, "Not all people can become happy. Because happiness corrupts people. We adapt to the happiness we obtained once, and pursue even greater happiness. We're greedy, aren't we? That's why people are able to feel pain. If people don't feel sad, they won't know what happiness is. Despite the contradiction." Numbness, apathy. Emotion and empathy. Do these work the same way? The person I'm quoting hated the unstable nature of emotion. They preferred to just exist, passively and apathetically. ..It seems redundant to say, because I've thought this so many times. I don't want to "just exist". This apathetic life is dry and distasteful. Mundane. Routine. Naturally, as the antagonist, this person was wrong.. Looking at it now it sounds like they were describing an addiction. More! The reality, as the anime tried to portray, is that happiness doesn't work quite like this. It can't quite be measured. I interpret it as a status. The idea was, if you're not alone, peace can be found even while you're sad. Because of Love. And this is as far as I'm going to take it. Logic cannot be easily applied to emotion in general. To "figure out" Love by such an approach is madness. . . Sometimes, it strikes me as truly strange that I'm an artist. Maybe because artist as a mindset and artist as an occupation are completely different things. Yet if you asked me, neither trait can survive alone.

[17]Away. Another old entry I wrote. I rather like it. .// “You don’t have to be alone. It’s all worth reaching for, It’s all worth reaching for.” Frankly I have nothing to say.. Story of my life (take that very literally), right? I could delve into random muses to pass the time. ..No, I used to be capable of that. Not anymore. I was a rather weird kid, I realize now. I could lay around with a friend spending the night, and break into these incredible philosophical-like tangents. The only subjects I can remember anymore were the galaxies. And black holes. We knew some impressive trivia, I’ll tell you. And we could run with it. We could run far. I miss that. The night, and that part of me. The night was always there. In junior high, when I would stay up to ridiculous hours drawing in Photoshop, and waiting to speak with a friend living in Malaysia. Living on Dr. Pepper and Hershey bars. Beautiful thing, the night. And the glows. The music. Company. Not anymore.. Now the night is rushing through assignments and projects, no relief of waking up in the PM the next day, only loss of sleep and dreams. The music is still around.. but it doesn’t reach me. It fills in the background. But I live for poetry. The ethereal. Ironically, the poorly motivated state I now survive in leaves me with little “time” to look up these tiny paragraphed elixirs. Thusly moderated, they don’t grow faint.