[75] Self discovery. It's pretty exciting I think. Always difficult to decide where to start, what to ask, but.. you can ask anything, you know? Open windows on cool summer nights. One of the best things ever. The air is so clean tonight..

[74]and I just need seven minutes to calm myself back down Holy jeez.. 74 entries. I never imagined this would get so long. I'm glad I wrote here though. I haven't been myself lately.. reading this has helped clarify things a bit. A lot actually. I forgot to mention that I was in California for six weeks over the summer. Hence the break in entries. Was on a college summer program at the Academy of Art University. Six weeks, four classes. Got a lot done. Very worthwhile, if not very tiring. (The regular summer curriculum for college students is two classes, over I think 8ish weeks.) Well.. I'd actually been writing for about an hour about some of the things that happened there, but I slipped and opened a new page.. typical. I guess it's for the better. My mood's improved listening to Motion City Soundtrack in the time it took to write. 'tis been a while since I listened to them. =-= She sat with me at lunch one day. "Why do you always sit alone?" "Because I'm a boring person."

[73]this time...? It's been slowing dawning on me that I'm doomed to fail as an artist. Sure, I can improve my technical ability to no limit, but it will only get me so far. Basically, since I'm a hermit, I'm not familiar with varieties of people and personality types. By commission, I may be able to pull off a character if I were provided enough description. But I don't even know where I would begin creating an original cast of characters for my own purposes. Or more importantly just subjects for whatever I draw or paint. Hmm.. yes. I'd be alright with commission. Perhaps the real problem is thus: I can only draw from reference. Be it life or what have you. I'll admit that this much will get me by. But I think I'd burn myself out eventually. There's an infinity more of possibility when you can pull images out of your head.. I don't know how to stress that enough. I guess it's what you call creativity. The silver lining in this is if I push myself enough to overcome my limitations, uh, I won't have them anymore? Hahaha. Really though.

It's summerrrrrr woo!

[71]a brand new look, and take them by surprise They'll never guess what's not inside. Motion City Soundtrack just suits me so well. It's amazing.

[70] Good day. c: evening mostly It just clicked. Something I picked up from citizen22 a while ago, and from the book The Things They Carried. It's all I can do, right? Be myself. If you understand yourself, you're not really alone. Not really. There's so much more to it than that, but I think it's something you have to realize on your own. [and, wow. I got owned so badly just a minute ago. my login expired while I was writing so the entry was lost, and now lame since I had to repeat myself and forgot things. haha.]

[69]you run away irresponsibly. Where are you going? So much to do, so much time to do it in. But there's never enough motivation or energy and the time flies by anyway even though it's boring. Time is very curious. Mmyep. This is the kind of thing that happens though when your goals are really only ideals, and you find yourself without a direction, a hero, or a care. *shrug* Still got my dreams though. But it's getting too warm for sleeping nowadays. Blah.~

It's the breathing that's taking all this work This subtle loneliness. It will probably be here forever. Lingering in the background. Harmless, but never fully cured. ...ah. That reminds me. The past few days have been strange. Something unresolved in my dreams that I'm never able to remember after waking. Something.. sad, like farewells, and bittersweet nostalgia. I get the feeling it was about somebody very close to me.. =-= Look at the sky through a distant tree It seems.. closer

[67] Thunderstorms~ Light shows in the clouds. woo rain

[66]See that line? Well I never should have crossed it Found my keys. Huzzah.