[55]Before you were asleep and underground I.. just don't know. But I want to think that I'm just afraid, because this really could be the thing I was looking for, but wasn't prepared to find.

[54]I couldn't help but stall I had this entire weekend to myself. Everyone's away to Colorado for a volleyball tournament. Ah, it's ending far too quickly. Sleeping was interesting. I mostly attempted to sleep as little as possible to spend as much waking time as I could to savor this.. freedom. It basically resulted in me staying up until Saturday evening, whereupon I completely passed out until about one in the morning. I wasn't able to go back to sleep, so I was up until about six.. I needed to, and wanted to get some sleep by then so I could get the most out of Sunday and be ready before school, but I knew there was something left to do.. =-=-= I was thinking about her, planning out a letter in my head about how little we get to see each other, and that it couldn't go on like this. And I realized, despite how difficult it will be, I really want this to work. Because, I love her. =] =-=-= So by now it's about 8 in the morning, and I'm awake and happy. So I go and make some [of the most amazing] eggs [ever]. I'm really not sure what I did after that, but around 10 things caught up with me and I was tired as all heck, and was miserably stuck in bed until about 7, wanting to get up but totally unable to. x_x < /lifeblog > Got so much new music today. I really needed it. Was going to pick up one or two songs by Deas Vail, but I started listening to samples of the other tracks and was like "Oh snap*! I'm going to have to get this whole CD." But I was about 8 cents under. So I drove up to Target and got another gift card just minutes before they closed. I felt pretty awesome. But not as awesome as this music is.

[53] http://www.outofservice.com/bigfive/ Hah.. I scored 1% in extroversion. Meaning, 1% of people that took it are less social than me. (I don't think it goes to 0.) I don't know. I wanted to laugh at first, but my chest suddenly started hurting. It's a pretty damn lonely statistic. =-=-= I've decided I'm going to stop looking at art thinking "That's so perfect. I could never do something like that." It's pointless, and true. Because when I say that while looking at something original, it IS perfect in its own respect, and could not be done the same way. I'll grow my own way, and with luck, end up with something that satisfies me. Isn't it obvious? The most efficient way to get better is to improve on what I have done rather than what I wish I could do.

[52]Longing from afar We just kept repeating this cycle We could be something amazing If you weren't so out of touch, And I were more straightforward The stars aren't as bright as they used to be (not that it means anything) But I still look at the sky I like the changing nature of clouds =-=-= I like to think that we travel to different realities, or worlds, when we dream. And time is measured differently there. It's enough proof to me that everyone's experienced a long dream and woken up with only an hour passed on the clock. Who knows? This could be a dream, too. We're actually living many lives at once, far away from each other, in dilated times. Actually that might kinda suck. I wonder what the extremely small amounts of sleep I try to get says about my lives elsewhere.. Let's be a little more optimistic- I'm just an idiot with sleeping, is all Or maybe I'm in a coma. ..In all of them! Haha

[51]Could you save my life? I don't ask for much. How do I put it.. you might say I don't expect anyone to prove anything to me. I don't let people go out of their way to do something nice for me if I have a say in it. As a rule I refuse to ask for help to remedy a situation I'm at fault for or capable of fixing (schoolwork, for example; I take what I deserve). It's paradoxical. But I think I'm being selfish. It's not really fair to deny someone's kindness. Well. Not just "someone's". Friends'. It's because I don't feel I deserve it. Artists usually have very low self-esteem. With college approaching, I'm starting to realize how low mine really is. It's pretty lame. I also decided something the other day. Journals are a unique style/genre of writing. The closest thing to it is poetry, except it's usually less artistic (while being intimate), and more.. real. For the record though, nothing can top poetry in my book. (;

[50.5] Newest User: Icantsleep Haha. They aren't the only one. ):

[50]For every smile you gave to me with Love Ever looked back at old journal entries and thought, "Wow. I was an idiot."? I've done this so many times over the years, but I've only now noticed how quickly and constantly I change.

[49]It's never ending... Oh, dang.. it's nearly 4. I thought it was still around 3. Well. I had a huge nap Friday evening, and subsequently stayed up past daybreak both Friday and Saturday night. I guess that's why I'm still awake. I think everyone's experienced what I usually go through every night. You're tired, as you lay there in bed, but barely not tired enough, or your mind is in a busy panic about something, or thinking about someone, or just simply awake still. Or, when you're sitting at the computer and up you feel exhausted, but when you crawl into bed you're wide awake. I'm thoroughly convinced that I would fall asleep with ease if I had somethingone warm to hug. Insomnia is a cool word.. but it's frustrating sometimes. *Err.. wow. Wound up staying up to 6:30 reading. I'm going to be absolutely exhausted whether I stay up all day or nap before school (waking up so soon will be a killer), so this kinda sucks.

[48] There's an excellent line in a song about change, but it's not coming to mind. I can't get over how excited I am [about nothing, really]. You know what? Life is amazing. Hey, it's Friday. Let's celebrate that.

[47] You're safe 5k1nn7wr1575, your journal is so awesome. :] So is All Time Low.